I went out with Jerome today.
Had lunch at Marche, at the Heeren (clara nv call me!!! So I go out with my nan peng you lor.. HAHAHA)
I was having some crabfish and steak. Jerome was running his fingertips across my arm the whole time LOL.
No la he eating burger. Wtf for I also dunno. Burger so ex..
Skali he look at me (fuck la! He always love to suddenly look at me.).
I look at him.... then... then... then......
...... he say, “eh... why ur eye underneath there got black black ar?”
Black black? Wah lau eh cannot lei.. I going on tv soon lei cannot spoil face so I use the fork like mirror see my eyes...
Then I see see....
And went, “nb la!.. I nv sleep for so long liao la ok! eye tired already that’s hwy black black....”
But he nv sit down again. He quickly come to my side and pulled me off the chair... like ah beng wan to fight like that. Eh no wait.. he is ah beng already....
“kao pei la! You kanna posess by hantu liao la!”
“hah?!?! Eh jerome mai siao lei... ppl will think we gay couple~!”
But no use... he pull me across the whole restaurant.... my steak all fly here and there land into some ang moh’s cleavage. Before I kana pull out of marche, I saw the beef steak smile.
Wah sibeh happy hor you fucking steak......
Jerome call everyone siam. Everyone stare at us. Like I going to get fuck by a suai chao ah beng. Jerome call cab infront of heeren.
In the cab he shout at driver, “WEI !! CLARKE QUAY THERE ! KUAI TIAN HOR! MY FRIEND IN TROUBLE!”
The driver ball shrink. I saw wan.
I nv see taxi driver drive so fast one. Everytime I ride they go slow slow... brake here.. brake there.. make me vomit sometimes.
We reach clarke quay ler. Jerome quickly push me out.
Driver come kao pei, “OI! Pay money!”
Jerome turn back and shout, “LIMPEI CHEE HONG ARH! KANNINA!!” and dunno why.. jerome throw fifty dollars at the driver.
Then later I got drag into one shophouse. I thought die liao. Because jerome going to fuck me upside down left right centre for “undermining his intelligence and vocabulary knowledge”.
He dragging me across the floor, then he shout into the shophouse. Dunno what he shout la... sound so vulgar like that. But then again.... he always sound vulgar.
Then this old ah pek come out. He dressed in singlet and dark blue short and slippers. Botak one... and a lot of liver spots.
Uncle come say, “wei chong ar! Ah lai lai cuo chi pien...”
Jerome put me on a stool. The uncle come with a small table. Die liao... they going to take my blood and put in their body! No! cannot! I dun want AIDS!
But then uncle come with incense.. some bottles... and a few books.
Eh? Why ar?
Jerome stand beside me.
Uncle come take bottle.... he shake shake a bit.... (as in.. he shake the bottle la!) Inside I can hear like gt sticks like that.
Then he open. Is really sticks!
“come... you pick one.”
I took one stick. On it got scribble scribble. I also cant read even though I got degree in reading scribble scribble.
I ask jerome what going on.
He say, “you kana possess by bad things. Now uncle will clean you.”
“HAH?! Clean me! Eh dun wan lei!”
Siao ar I dun wan botak uncle with wrinkle skin touch my ba long long!
Uncle stare at me. He take my stick (the stick I took la! Pervert...) and look throug his book.
He flip flip flip. The book so old.. yellow already. And started tearing.
I look at jerome.
Jerome look at uncle.. waiting for something.
Finally... uncle look at me.... then look at book.. then say, “ waaahhh jia lat lei. You will die soon.”
HAH?!?!! WHERE CAN!!! I got singapore idol contest to go lei dun like that lea!
“but I can help you wan. Dun worry. I give you this paper. You put in your wallet for 3 hours. Then u take out and open. See got message or not from da tou to help you.”
Uncle give me this red paper... smal small... folded up and red in colour. I put in pocket. Jerome quickly throw another fifty dollars at uncle then we left.
But jerome still gan chiong. He pull me out... all the way to the next row of shophouses... to the cbd area there... at the river there.
Over there we sit down... never talk.. for the next three hrs. Worse than ncc day parade man!
Then he call me, “okay.. open the paper.”
I scared liao. Dunno what da tou will say.
“You open la.... I ham ji.”
Jerome move to me, “ wah lau eh you real ham ji peng la!”
I thought ham ji peng can eat wan?
Jerome take the paper.... he open....
His eyes open big big.... as big as marbles (eh marble is big already to him ok .... his eyes so small what..)
Then he whisper, “4....4....7....2....”
“eh jerome what’s this all abt?”
Jerome look at me. He wan to shout also cannot shout.
Then he drop the paper.... and slowly walk towards me.
“eh really la... this is weird...” I say.
he suddenly throw himself onto me. He damn heavy lei. I try supposrt almost broke my back. Then he started crying...
“eh why why why?”
He soot soot soot... sniff sniff sniff... wah must be sth bad!
He look at me.... still crying.. and say.....
“I lost 4d..”
CHAO CHEE BAI LA, JEROME!
Go see fortune teller for number... KANNA SAI understand anot?!
Had lunch at Marche, at the Heeren (clara nv call me!!! So I go out with my nan peng you lor.. HAHAHA)
I was having some crabfish and steak. Jerome was running his fingertips across my arm the whole time LOL.
No la he eating burger. Wtf for I also dunno. Burger so ex..
Skali he look at me (fuck la! He always love to suddenly look at me.).
I look at him.... then... then... then......
...... he say, “eh... why ur eye underneath there got black black ar?”
Black black? Wah lau eh cannot lei.. I going on tv soon lei cannot spoil face so I use the fork like mirror see my eyes...
Then I see see....
And went, “nb la!.. I nv sleep for so long liao la ok! eye tired already that’s hwy black black....”
But he nv sit down again. He quickly come to my side and pulled me off the chair... like ah beng wan to fight like that. Eh no wait.. he is ah beng already....
“kao pei la! You kanna posess by hantu liao la!”
“hah?!?! Eh jerome mai siao lei... ppl will think we gay couple~!”
But no use... he pull me across the whole restaurant.... my steak all fly here and there land into some ang moh’s cleavage. Before I kana pull out of marche, I saw the beef steak smile.
Wah sibeh happy hor you fucking steak......
Jerome call everyone siam. Everyone stare at us. Like I going to get fuck by a suai chao ah beng. Jerome call cab infront of heeren.
In the cab he shout at driver, “WEI !! CLARKE QUAY THERE ! KUAI TIAN HOR! MY FRIEND IN TROUBLE!”
The driver ball shrink. I saw wan.
I nv see taxi driver drive so fast one. Everytime I ride they go slow slow... brake here.. brake there.. make me vomit sometimes.
We reach clarke quay ler. Jerome quickly push me out.
Driver come kao pei, “OI! Pay money!”
Jerome turn back and shout, “LIMPEI CHEE HONG ARH! KANNINA!!” and dunno why.. jerome throw fifty dollars at the driver.
Then later I got drag into one shophouse. I thought die liao. Because jerome going to fuck me upside down left right centre for “undermining his intelligence and vocabulary knowledge”.
He dragging me across the floor, then he shout into the shophouse. Dunno what he shout la... sound so vulgar like that. But then again.... he always sound vulgar.
Then this old ah pek come out. He dressed in singlet and dark blue short and slippers. Botak one... and a lot of liver spots.
Uncle come say, “wei chong ar! Ah lai lai cuo chi pien...”
Jerome put me on a stool. The uncle come with a small table. Die liao... they going to take my blood and put in their body! No! cannot! I dun want AIDS!
But then uncle come with incense.. some bottles... and a few books.
Eh? Why ar?
Jerome stand beside me.
Uncle come take bottle.... he shake shake a bit.... (as in.. he shake the bottle la!) Inside I can hear like gt sticks like that.
Then he open. Is really sticks!
“come... you pick one.”
I took one stick. On it got scribble scribble. I also cant read even though I got degree in reading scribble scribble.
I ask jerome what going on.
He say, “you kana possess by bad things. Now uncle will clean you.”
“HAH?! Clean me! Eh dun wan lei!”
Siao ar I dun wan botak uncle with wrinkle skin touch my ba long long!
Uncle stare at me. He take my stick (the stick I took la! Pervert...) and look throug his book.
He flip flip flip. The book so old.. yellow already. And started tearing.
I look at jerome.
Jerome look at uncle.. waiting for something.
Finally... uncle look at me.... then look at book.. then say, “ waaahhh jia lat lei. You will die soon.”
HAH?!?!! WHERE CAN!!! I got singapore idol contest to go lei dun like that lea!
“but I can help you wan. Dun worry. I give you this paper. You put in your wallet for 3 hours. Then u take out and open. See got message or not from da tou to help you.”
Uncle give me this red paper... smal small... folded up and red in colour. I put in pocket. Jerome quickly throw another fifty dollars at uncle then we left.
But jerome still gan chiong. He pull me out... all the way to the next row of shophouses... to the cbd area there... at the river there.
Over there we sit down... never talk.. for the next three hrs. Worse than ncc day parade man!
Then he call me, “okay.. open the paper.”
I scared liao. Dunno what da tou will say.
“You open la.... I ham ji.”
Jerome move to me, “ wah lau eh you real ham ji peng la!”
I thought ham ji peng can eat wan?
Jerome take the paper.... he open....
His eyes open big big.... as big as marbles (eh marble is big already to him ok .... his eyes so small what..)
Then he whisper, “4....4....7....2....”
“eh jerome what’s this all abt?”
Jerome look at me. He wan to shout also cannot shout.
Then he drop the paper.... and slowly walk towards me.
“eh really la... this is weird...” I say.
he suddenly throw himself onto me. He damn heavy lei. I try supposrt almost broke my back. Then he started crying...
“eh why why why?”
He soot soot soot... sniff sniff sniff... wah must be sth bad!
He look at me.... still crying.. and say.....
“I lost 4d..”
CHAO CHEE BAI LA, JEROME!
Go see fortune teller for number... KANNA SAI understand anot?!
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