Wouldn't it be so convenient if we could somewhat transport ourselves into the body of the people we obsess with?
If I had just two wishes that would be granted, one, when I die, that's it, no after-life or anything. Two, I'd want to be able to see through the eyes of people.
The closest I could get to this is labeled as "voyeurism". Sometimes I wonder if this is a medical condition. How do you describe a person when he keeps little trinkets of their friends like... hair samples, handwritten math calculations, photos of them through the years that has been dugged out through people who have access to them? I don't know. I think I'm sick in the mind. I might be missing something from long ago. Too long ago that it's buried deep in my subconscious. I need to know what is it!
I'm getting sick of this habit. It harbors obsession and a possessive character. My deepest fear would be having this habit ruin my life just for that few seconds of voyeuristic opportunity. For god's sake, I set up a telescope once pointing towards a friend's place and monitored his movements often. It's a thrill I can't shake off and a natural high.
EDIT: More housekeeping. Added labels "I Did It For The Lulz" to remind me of the time I used to be comical and fun, and "Gaming and Tech" that pretty much explains itself. I should do more of the latter.I'm earmarking more posts as time goes by. Also, here's a highlight from the days of boyish teenage fun as a start. Enjoy!
Am I crazy or has time slowed down?
A download puts me into a daze and a four-minute song wails on forever. I think it's the by-product of standing out in the sun and rain everyday with my hands firmly on my rifle. You'd think it'd pass by quickly by talking and joking only to realize it's been ten minutes and you've got another hour fifty to go.
Why do I keep looking at my watch? Time slows down when you keep track of it.
I'm hating another thing though... I'm getting quite a tan... too tanned for my liking. Suddenly I can't see myself in the dark anymore. Oh, wait....
I'm jotting down a few notes here on the whereabouts of the Yankee guys.
A majority of the guys from BSLC went over to ASLC, and as you would have expected, a good few of them are planning to get OOC. I had a friend call me one morning while I was on duty and he opened up the conversation by asking if it was easy to get OOC. You can just hear the stress through the strain of his voice. Joey and Justin are out of Pasir Laba Camp, and they're happy. Justin got into Armoured Recce and it was what he wanted. Joey didn't get that same vocation, even though he was enthusiastic about it, and is currently over at Stagmont Camp with me. Last I saw, he was happy here learning "useful things".
Chee Leong - ASLC, Pasir Laba Camp. Wen Xin - ASLC, Pasir Laba Camp. Derrick - ASLC, Pasir Laba Camp. Faizal - ASLC, Pasir Laba Camp. Sean Daryl - ASLC, Pasir Laba Camp. Ray - ASLC, Pasir Laba Camp.
Kyle - RP, CMPB Audi - RP, Stagmont Camp.
Nicholas - OCS, Tango Wing, SAFTI.
Never would any of us think that Joey and I would end up in the same camp. I pick him up in the morning, I turn to my guardhouse, he goes to his block, and the day starts. On free times I get a call from him, we have a smoke, and when it's time to book out, we go back together. It's a welcomed addition to my already very fun vocation.
Justin has progressed into a class of his own... into something of an elite vocation. I spoke to him last night when he called. Training would be tough for him and he's unsure if he'd make it. But he's happy with the direction he's going through. With only 13 other men around him I think he's in for a very unique experience.
Nicholas, however, has gone under the radar. The last we heard he has 3 extras to sign. And that's it. i wonder too...
I sent in my drive to Greenergy Pte. Ltd. over at Wintech Centre in Ubi Rd 1 for data recovery today. God help me it was raining and these Butterfly tobacco made me feel incredibly high after a smoke and a long walk.
I had the paperwork filled up at home so sending in the drive was less of a hassle. Just a photocopy of the document, a transfer of the drive to the mainland Chinese lady and I was off. All that after waiting for them to finish lunch?
Boy, was I happy, and devastated, when I received an email from Greenergy a couple of minutes ago. It's confirmed and I've just had my first drive crash in my years (count them since 1992) of owning a computer. "Platter is badly damaged", they say.
The total cost of recovery?
Try a thousand and a half dollars.
Well, I guess there goes my Christmas plans. And plenty of begging for financial help. But when you're risking losing pictures since 2002 and a whole lot of torrent downloads... I think it's important enough.
EDIT: I've done some housekeeping and added in three new labels - Photography, Travel and Adventure, andScale Modeling. Four years old... I can't bear to let the old treasures rot away.
-- As I am writing this, Justin is trudging his way through rocky paths and cool hard tarmac as he completes his 28km march - the final exercise before SISPEC is officially over. At the same time lay Joey and Junior in their bunks, status tags close by their heart. They don't have to march at all. I bet they're smiling.
It's been a wacky month and many things have happened:
My first blood donation. I decided to do it one boring afternoon in the guardhouse. I was freaked out, I don't know why, and a Lieutenant went over to me and calmed me down by initiating a conversation. I didn't get the chance to thank him... he was gone when I was done. Interestingly enough, I can start donating again on the 28th of January 2009... my birthday.
The previous point coincides with Obama's victory in the US Presidential Elections. A big issue for me - I've been involved in his campaign since February. I danced right there at the camp gates.
Memories of random vignettes that happen in Stagmont whether or not I'm on or off duty. I've chased dogs, broke through drainage systems, watched as a mate killed a lizard with a bayonet and watched the body turn into skin and bones for the next three days, and surfed the net while in camp. The food here's the best I've had. We had laksa for dinner yesterday.
Went over to ACS (Junior) with Justin and took lots of pictures of his old primary school. I fell in love with the ACS culture - it resembled closely to my primary school, Lodge Preparatory School. I spent an entire day with him, and then some the next day. It was a much needed meet-up, and I'm glad we got to talk things in detail.
Joey, Justin, Nick and I finally got together again even if it was five minutes of standing in front of Heeren.
Nick received three extras for very silly reasons.
Justin received his posting and will be going over to the 48th as an Armored Recce.
I have a rifle to call my own, and I love it so much.
My room is clearing up, and I'm starting to plan the redecoration.
My bank account is swelling with a new budget I planned for myself.
Finally, my freaking 500gb hard drive partition crashed and disappeared from Windows, though physically sound. I'm surprisingly calm even though all my pictures, torrent downloads, Photoshop, porn, and sound collections that were collected over the years were in that drive. I'm still trying to recover with Google by my side. But I'm afraid I'll have to turn it over to Seagate pretty soon. Fuck... what if they click on my folder titled, 'Porn' ? I'm in there!
Until the last point can be rectified, I'm afraid I can't do much but write. Even my Flickr account has been maxed out of it's monthly limit.
Christmas is coming soon, and I'll get this all sorted out by then. Who the hell doesn't want to have a peace of mind then?!
A relative just passed away this afternoon so there'll be no updates just yet.
If you're in for some lazy scan-overs, hop over here for a post I slipped in a couple of days ago.
EDIT: For fuck's sake! I think I just had my first hard drive crash. The whole 500GB of it! That drive contains Photoshop and all my pictures so yea... I'm kinda scrambling to get it fixed.
I look forward to every weekend. Usually, it means that I could meet up with the Yankee guys again and we can, in Justin's words, 'chill'. I didn't do that this time. I've come to accept the big bold fact that we don't actually need to see each other every week. Joey and Nick have girlfriends whereas Justin prefers staying within the comfort of his own home, and I enjoy that too at my own home. My fingers are still itching to make that call every weekend.
Friday night, I went out with Joey to Yishun Dam. He parked the car, we got out, and I had my camera with me. My plan that night was to take pictures and experiment. I snapped away, occasionally demonstrating to Joey framing and exposures. Basic stuff, and it was more of filler conversation. I noticed he had a lot on his mind this time round and I sat aside my camera to ask, "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing.. just shagged." "Really. Why then?"
He opened up from then on and I put away my camera for good. He went into a deep monologue of however he's been feeling so far, and he grinned when he imagined the prospects of him getting into the Armored Recce course. I then asked, "What are you planning to do every weekend?"
The conversation got deeper and he spoke of his life plans that stretched on to the amazing age of 45, and then 80. Inspired by Obama, and now further inspired by Joey's very mature thinking, I gave much thought in what I wanted to do now. He seemed to have everything planned. And not just that, he's actively pursuing it. Just last weekend he was up in the air over Seletar in a prop plane, gazing down over Bukit Timah then finally making a turn back at the Causeway and back to Seletar. He noted,"Singapore... is fucking fucking fucking small." If his dreams of becoming a pilot failed, he had something substantial to back it up with. And it's all been thought out in detail.
The police came by after a while to set up roadblocks so we made our way home. In the car, I expressed my disappointment at my immature mentality. I am twenty now, and people around my age are appearing on the news whether they broke a new barrier, murdered someone, or died in an accident.
I am twenty-years-old, and I am no longer young.
Looking back at the past year, I've been a cameraman, a scriptwriter, an actor, a stuntman, a pyrotechnics assistant, a special effects make-up artist and now, a photographer trying to break in to graphic design and getting involved in politics.
"Have you any idea how fucking messy this is? There's no focus! I'm not concentrating!", I yelled in the car.
Joey then said,"See, that's the thing. What you don't realize is that your industry is huge... and there's no way you'll run out of options to excel in a certain trade."
Maybe he's right. "And what about my father? I told him once in the car during an argument,'You'll never consider me having a career unless I'm wearing suit and sitting in an office.' " Joey paused and replied, "You know, I think that shouldn't be something you should worry about. Ultimately it's about whether or not you can bring back something for the family. I can drive this damn car and wear a suit but that doesn't make me a somebody."
The conversation ended for a while as we sped down the Yishun roads. I opened my mouth again,"I wished I had a girlfriend." I paused and stared blankly at the road in front of me. "It's less about lust or anything... it's more like companionship."
Joey laughed and jokingly mocked me. It was all in good fun and I didn't take offense.
"But... you know... one of my lousiest traits is treating a woman unkindly. I don't know how to treat women."
As we turned into my carpark, Joey off-handedly remarked,"Well, maybe you should start treating your sister right. And then, finally, your mom." He was right... and I didn't see any grounds for me to defend myself on that remark.
If there's one thing I've learned from BMT, is that I cannot take this selfish mindset too far. People are people, and people depend on people. Whatever I feel, others can feel it too. During BMT I've been accused of being a separatist and practiced double-standards. I admit to that, and my argument then was I was protecting the interests of the people I felt closer to. I ask myself now, why didn't I expand the people I felt important to include my entire platoon? And that's the keyword - Platoon. We were a platoon. It's one of my biggest regrets from BMT and I keep myself in check now whenever I start giving someone the eye.
Joey was right, and the first step to solving this is to make peace with the family first.
I'll remember this election till the very day I die. I've followed Obama's campaign since February and thanks a lot to Digg I was able to keep myself updated regularly and participated in discussions on forums. I can't really explain why, as a Singaporean, and an Asian, never stepped onto US soil before, would care so much for something that has no direct relation to myself whatsoever. Maybe I just find the whole thing as intellectually stimulating, or that maybe Mr. Obama seems to be a great person to know, or maybe that I once supported George W. Bush in the early years up till the Iraq war... till he got lost and the world crumbled from then on. I don't know.
I spent the day today flipping newspapers reading and re-reading articles on the election. On duty I changed the channel to 93.8FM to listen to updates as they were broadcasted. I didn't know when the results would be out, so there I was on my toes since 7am in the morning.
I got back from a blood donation drive in the late afternoon and turned the radio on again. And that's when I caught the good news. Change has happened, and the people got what they wanted. I'm thoroughly very happy, and I celebrated by punching my fists up in the air and shouting,"OBAMAAAA!!!" much to the wonder of my mates.
I've been through three different phases in my NS life so far - BMT, SISPEC, and now, as an RP at Stagmont Camp.
If BMT could be remembered for the Olympic Games and the Georgian War, and SISPEC could be marked by the Great Economic Crash, then I guess my posting to Stagmont Camp can be represented by, my first blood donation and, the historic win of Barry Obama.
I thank the people of America who made this possible, because I've been fearful of the way things are going and this new president definitely has more brains than the current monkey hiding behind a pile of horse crap. I sincerely felt all was lost, and that Americans were starting to lose the respect the world had of them, fast.
I admit that I developed the tendency to stereotype the common American as obese, sloppy, snobbish, uneducated, racist, ultra-conservative bible-thumpers. Though I know that, in reality, that's not case and probably represent only 26% of the country.
The music video by "Fuck Vigilante" speaks loudly of my feelings that I can't seem to put in words and I'd imagine it to represent what the other 74% of America thinks of G. W. Bush. The millennium has been delayed 8 years too long.
Enjoy, and once again, Thank You, America. Yes you did.
From the 1st - 2nd November, PUB opened up the Marina Barrage, the first reservoir in the city, to the public. Aside from the green-earth agenda that Marina Barrage promotes, it's also made out in the media to be one of the best places for a scenic view of the Singapore skyline. I've been anxious to visit the place over the past week when I first saw pictures of it in The Straits Times.
It was 6pm on Saturday the first. I jumped into my clothes, took up my tripod and camera, and left for the Barrage. Dropping off at Marina Bay MRT, I was directed towards a shuttle bus pick-up point thanks to the signs put up in the MRT. The intervals for the buses were 20 to 30 minutes. Wait, what?
Getting out of the MRT I was greet to a long line of the public shuffling their way across muddied ground and onto the pavement leading to the MRT. They didn't look particularly happy and many were there with their families. I walked the same muddied path which lead down to a tunnel. It was there that I found a traffic jam of pedestrians just spilling over onto the road. Add to that the foreign workers cycling to the constructions sites around the area. Cement trucks were rolling down the road at great speeds. The temporary bus stop for the shuttle bus was packed. I'm not gonna wait 30 minutes to get on a bus that I'd have to squeeze to get into. No, thanks, I'll walk.
I activated my Yankee Route Marching legs and walked to the Marina Barrage. I knew where it was thanks to the banners along the road and the fact that Joey and I went there the night before at midnight just for kicks. We were made to turn back by a security guard. It wasn't a particularly short walk. I think I walked a good half an hour, chin dripping with sweat. And I'm not exaggerating. I freaking walked from Marina Bay MRT to Marina Barrage. What the hell was I thinking?!
I wasn't the only one that was walking, though, and I overtook groups of families walking along the road towards the same destination. Add that to the heavy construction happening on both sides of the road and the occasional stench of buffalo poo. The journey there was dirty for public standards and it's a contrast to the banners on lamp post celebrating the clean-green-we're-so-clean opening of the Barrage.
I reached the Barrage in a while. I was confused at where I ended up. I didn't receive the whole "Wow" experience upon arrival. Was I supposed to? There were rows of tentage and a ton of people walking all over the mud and sitting on the road sides. But I didn't bother much (though I am complaining, aren't I?) since I was there to try out a few photography techniques.
I didn't particularly find the main complex nice or anything. It's the same old, same old. Then again, I didn't explore the exhibitions inside. The surrounding little gardens and water features, though, were turning out to be quite a haven. The city skyline peeks between the saplings of the garden. In a way, it reminds me of the time when I was a little child laying in a big box, looking up at the world. Did you get that or is it becoming flowery nonsense?
A long curved ramp leads visitors up onto the famed roof garden of the complex. The grass path that runs together with it in the center expands on the top to form the field itself. The view that greeted me up there was, simply put, awesome.
I was delighted at the vast open space. The sky was huge. The sea was huge. The fact that I could see these two meet at a point called a 'horizon' sealed the deal for me. The skyline occupied the entire span of the shoreline with the Singapore Flyer to the East and the CBD area to the West. Looking at the skyline from the Barrage, the moon shined brightly with Venus, just to the right of it, clearly in view. Yes, I was surprised as well to learn that what I saw beside the moon was Venus.
I came down to the Barrage this time to specifically have a go at HDR. I've never done it before but read a lot about it. There's a variety of photos out on the net claiming to be HDR. Some are flat out ugly and others are interestingly eye-catching. Personally, I fall for the more realistic version of what HDR is supposed to look like. At the same time, I've never really gotten to taking proper night shots of anything save the occasional snapshots while in the car and giggling at the streaks of lights.
I set up my Canon 450D on its standard kit lens (EF 18-55) on my tripod. For a moment there I felt like I was setting up a Matador. Any sooner and I'm afraid I'll be checking my backblast area.
What I planned to do was to shoot at a normal EV setting, then climb it up to +2, then -2, and then come home and combine these exposures together. Following that is a tweaking of what needs to have more light, which less, and finally recreate a scene that represents what we might see, on location, with a little dose of artistic interpretation. I hope you got that, I hate writing this way.
I shot at a an aperture of around f8, sometimes more, and simply because I read somewhere that this creates a nice star-like effect to lights. Also, I've had too many disappointments with my pictures when I find the camera focused on some random thing other than what I was interested in. This was due to the usual 4.5 - 5.6 aperture size that I usually lock down my camera to. In effect, I did away with auto-focus as well.
Switching on Live View was a ton of help for me. My tripod was extended to the max and there wasn't much things lying around to climb up and look through the viewfinder. I switched on the camera's Live feature, zoomed in my lens, zoomed in on the image on the LCD, focused, zoomed out the LCD, framed up my lens and shot the photo. I took exposures that lasted from 2.5secs to 30secs.
I never took a 30 second exposure shot before. The first few times I pressed it I felt stranded as I stood there like a dumb ass with arms crossed and biting on my nails.
I shooed any kids getting near my tripod and gasped loudly as any auntie or uncle was about to walk in front of my camera. It's hilarious to see them get down and duck walk under the camera's field of view... In actual fact, they could walk as per normal and not even cross my camera's field of vision. But that's just sadist talk and nothing related to photography. I'm sorry.
I realized that a remote or a shutter cable of some sort would be helpful in these situations where repeated images needed to be taken. I think they call this technique 'bracketing'.
I've never seen a shutter cable before but I expect it to have a dial to control the aperture and a button to release the shutter. Amirite? It'll help a lot because I found myself playing Jenga with my camera as I adjusted setting and pressing the shutter was a game of Traffic Lights. Incredibly annoying and a big problem when you're in a crunch.
I took about 160 shots that day on the roof. For I had at least three different exposure settings for each scene I was capturing. I tried out different things and thought of theories while shooting. Like why not I shoot this exposure just for the highlights... that exposure for that area... and so on. Another thing I believe in is to have a rough idea of your workflow, whether it's shooting a film, a home video, or photographs. Know the tools and how they work, and the process. That way, when out in the field, you can plan your shots and be confident about it because you have an idea on how it'll be processed later on in the workflow. This confidence doesn't restrict but, rather, it encourages experimentation. I think that is an invaluable trait: experimentation.
I found a secluded corner of the Marina Barrage. It's on the far end of the pavement and beyond that was the construction site of the upcoming Marina Gardens. The place was pitch black, save the lights from the Barrage complex itself. By the way, I gave up taking a picture of the complex... I simply didn't know how to frame it up. It's a weird design!
I tried shooting with flash, without flash, very long exposures, and the whole jin gang.
Processing them with Picturenaut by HDRLabs, and open source free software to create HDRI, I got this image by combining a selection of exposures.
A quick export to Photoshop I did the usual tweaking and styling I like to do for the sake of fun. It's one of my favorite pictures. I like the water, the composition and the floating thingy on the water.
But I wasn't satisfied yet. The picture grew old after a while and my hands were itchy again.
I re-did the photos again with a different selection of exposures to create this image. I experimented again with the blending and got to this picture, which had a different mood to it altogether.
It's not the best, but I really love this photo. I'm quite amazed at some details I see here that I didn't even notice on location. Remember that this whole area was pitch-black. I took notice only recently that there seem to be an altar of some sort just ahead of me with a deity on the top. I could be mistaken, but that's just freaking creepy.
After two hours on the damn Barrage, I bailed. My illness got back at me in the form of massive headaches at weird parts of my face and I rushed to a bunch of gay guys, who were in quite a big diva-mood, behind the counter. I bought a bottle of 100plus and gulped down three pills of Panadol Actifast and proceeded to finish the bottle.
You're right... I walked out of the Barrage wondering whether I just OD-ed on Panadol. Sure as hell felt high.
I took the public bus back to the MRT this time. I waited a good 40 minutes at the first bus stop from the barrage which was a nice fifteen minutes walk. I found a comfy seat on the train, laid my things down and stretched. Soon, I'll reach home to Yishun.
That's that. If you're wondering how the hell I could update on a bloody Monday night... Aren't I supposed to be in camp now?!
On the 31st of October, Halloween, I received a call from Joey at about 11pm. I called, and he had that creepy dopey voice on again.
"Where are you? What are you doing? Are you bored?"
For a moment, I thought I'd be having another round of phone sex. The last time I did that I fell asleep feeling a million times more sorry for myself.
"Yea I'm bored.", I said. "Okay. I'll come by your place then. We'll go out."
What I thought to be a more of a drive around the neighborhood turned out to be a rich experience of nicotine-hungry youths strapped of cash. We found ourselves digging our pockets for every bit of coins we had in order to buy a packet of cigarettes that we'll share. It's quite an irony when Joey's there in his Altis and dressed up so smartly. The scent of his perfume completes the whole image of a confident successful person ready to take life by its horns. Wait, how many coins do we have now?
In line with the Army's respected skill of precise and accurate planning, we found ourselves over at Clarke Quay, surrounded by people dressed up as their pop-heroes, whether it was tongue-in-cheek or simply because somebody needed an ego boost. I still wonder how the hell we ended up in town. I really wonder. We were just over at AMK buying Reds.
Halloween in this town was, nicely put, a sorry sight. I think we've had enough of those devil horns. That, and the fact that half the time it was teens in gawdy cosplay outfits. It was the usual horribly done vampire make up, or an afro wig (in pink!) added in as an afterthought to whatever they've been wearing. I was expecting a lot of Jokers but I only caught one as Nurse Joker. Wasn't the best... but he tried playing out the character.
Jack Sparrow was there. Cool. Some guy in a full Pedobear get up was there waving at the crowds though I think not many people got the reference. They probably thought he's some cuddly bear to be hugged but YOU DON'T CUDDLE UP TO PEDOBEAR! I came anyways.
I think one group deserved a mention and that was a handful of Indians parading around as the full Ghostbusters team. It's a breath of fresh air from the other generic costumes. What made the whole thing work was the fact that they were drinking from a bottle of beer in their hands. I bet that raped a few childhood memories. Joey and I supported them with hoots and shouts. It really was a refreshing sight.
Soon enough I got home, and Joey dropped by my place. Great... I knew I should have sorted out all the porn on my desktop. I showed Joey my small collection of porno DVDs and he urged me on to give them a spin. Two guys watching porn in a room in the dead of night. Don't only REALLY close friends do that? I mean the kind where you don't mind sharing his underwear with. The show didn't happen, and he left to pick his girl up at Attica in town.
Yeap, he went all the way back. What a night that was.
