This is the original blog address of Nothing Better Than Being Alive.
I have removed the auto-redirect code in order to archive my posts, seen as it I originally intended them to be before porting them over to Wordpress and never getting to complete it.
However, I have ceased in keeping a personal blog and decided to invade the realms of Facebook (Audi Khalid) and Twitter (@audikhalid). I think the following re-posting from the Wordpresss blog explains my decision.
"With the recent death of one of my closest friends, Nicholas Chan Wei Kit, I think it is only appropriate that I take a bow from the blogosphere.
Much of my entries under the category “National Service” has me spending my time with him and Justin.
You’re happy where you’re at now, Nick. And nobody can shoot you down."
It's been a great 5 years of blogging, with Nick being one of the regular visitors. You'll definitely come across my writings again online as I open up blogs catering to different interests.
Great weekend. I loved it. From the moment I stepped out of camp on Friday night, till an hour ago when I stepped back home, I've had a much-needed break. What with my parents across the border and being single again.
I was doing my usual routine again tonight. Work, talking on MSN and Facebooking. You know, I have to admit that life has been VERY different since Jayden and I had a fall-out on April 1st. You probably would have noticed that right after that, I haven't been updating frequently as I did.
It's weird to hear, and highly patronizing of me, if I were to say that I found absolutely very little reason to do what I used to do - blogging, photoshopping, researching and plurking or whatever. But, for the record, everything's okay now, and we're talking again.
For a period of time I went around looking for something to fill up this empty space where my drive was. Along the process, I found new friends, did some new things and had a bit of fun. If there were anything good to come from this fallout, it would be that I've found a couple (or a few, rather) of people I really enjoy hanging out with.
I'm almost a year into National Service, and in one year I've made major decisions that I may or may not regret in life later. I've made decisions my parents would kill me over and I've made "hard decisions" that, not surprisingly, I took very lightly. In a year, I've moved on to the other extreme of the spectrum.
But I can't help to think that I've let my reigns go too early, too fast. I don't think much about philosophies or creative projects anymore. No. I've lost the mood to do all I did before. It finally dawned on me, today, that I don't feel like a complete, functional, intelligent human being. I've, instead, become a gossip queen with a plastic mask and synthetic leather shoes. A knock on my chest and you'll hear it hollow and thin.
There are times I feel I've crossed the line and rolled over some of my dear friends in our conversations or my approach to them. I barely listen or read intently as I used to. Impatient and disorganized. If you, my friends, are reading this, and agree, and I have offended you, then, please, forgive me.
My biggest regret, really, is that I've lost quite a bit of my skill in writing and English. My thoughts are highly disorganized now and keeping to time is getting unbearably difficult. Maybe I've spent much too long in my comfort zone. Or maybe I'm OUT of my comfort zone, and I'm struggling with my feet to find a place.
I wish there was a reset button. I really do. Reset back to September of 2008, when I was fresh out of BMT and lining up to read my listing for SISPEC, and spotting Jayden lugging his bag around.
I wonder, really, what I would be like if I stuck on to SISPEC.
Those were the words uttered by my boss and mentor, Jimmy Low, in the wee hours of the morning yesterday after we wrapped up from my biggest shoot yet.
It means a lot to me. I've been in the company for two years now, where I worked for absolutely no money just because I want to learn. My first paycheck was fifty dollars. I received my paycheck yesterday, and it was a double-confirmation that I was now a professional.
I've been given hushed advice by some of the people I know that the Army musn't find out I'm working while serving. Honestly, I think it's an open secret that many of our soldiers are moonlighting as well.
For the past week I've been juggling between reporting in camp at 7am, leaving at 7:30pm to get on location and then wrapping up at 4am, only to report back three hours later. It's crazy. I never knew I could do it, but I did. I can only thank my peers in the Guardroom for their understanding and tolerance. I should get them something nice.
The shoot we just did is entitled "De Dana Dan", a Bollywood feature film starring Akshay Kumar, and directed by Priyadarshan. I was stunt-doubling for Paresh Rawal. In the end, what I thought was to be just anothe run-of-the-mill odd-job became one of my biggest breaks yet since Pulau Hantu where I stayed on Ubin for two weeks, just before enlisting for BMT.
I'll be updating more about it soon, so keep a watch on this space!
Just for fun, here's a video of me doing a gymnastic routine that involves a backhand spring. I could never do this trick, but with guidance from Uncle Jimmy, I did it in FIVE minutes.
P.S Dating's going on fine. I've got a very lovable partner. Much kisses and hugs to you!
Okay, I'm seriously swamped with website projects now, both professionally and for my own. Sadly, my knowledge only extends to uploading photos and videos and writing. I can think of layouts and such but webbies get paid for what they do; there's no intuitive way I've come across that allows me to create websites easily.
I'm looking for someone to help me out. Particularly, I have the company website to move over, and I have a new blog up to detail my steps in my film-in-progress, and finally, my new wordpress blog.
I have half a mind to use my leave just to complete everything. Knowing me, I'll probably be off jacking it. Meh.
I've had some serious time on Facebook. No, I haven't been taking all that annoying quizzes. Even if I did, they probably don't go along the lines of, "What colour are you?".
Yeah, like whether or not I'm the color Framberry really matters. Facebook is an amazing social platform. It'll be a waste to spend it on trivial matters like joining a Mafia Wars gang.
I've been given plenty of heads-up on issues from AWARE, The Pirate Bay verdict, Swine flu and the economic recession thanks to my friends on Facebook. I'm grateful for them, otherwise I wouldn't have a stand on the current AWARE issue now. For the record, I cut out the article on Straits Times that read, "Religion and Politics should not mix." I intend to frame it up and post it near my bed for all to see.
It's such a great time now and my mom has decided to bring out the religion-card again. I feel very strongly for my atheist position, and I do have my opinions on religion, but I'm also aware that I, and everyone else, have their constitutional rights, and that religion does not triumph over law. As an adult, I have my rights, and my beliefs, and it's only right that the people I live with respect it. If we can only get this right, only then can we function.
Even if I were to subscribe to religion, I follow the idea that religion is entirely personal, and will keep it that way. If I had a son, I wouldn't feel obligated to enforce a doctrine on him simply because 'the book said so'. I'd let him out to discover for himself, telling him about my opinions, and allow him to decide. If there really was a God, He'll be more than capable of handling my son. Am I shirking my responsibilities? I think not. It's all in the perspective. Just like how liberals would think different than conservatives, democrats and republicans.
In any case, I might just update the next few posts with my opinions on the recent swine flu incident, which I consider a facade, from my Facebook discussions.
There are some issues to be ironed out, though. Such as ALL my embedded videos from Vimeo.com not showing up. I find the current white background too "Web 2.0" so I'll be changing that. And, of course, how can I live without my narcissistic updates on Plurk and Twitter?
On the same note, I've been porting over my company's website to a wordpress-based one. I know, not exactly the most professional, but it makes updating so much easier. The address is: thestuntproduction.com/news
Well that should keep me busy. On top of that, the short film I'm writing, and the whole socializing thing going on.
Once I'm done, I'll redirect this address to the new one. No need for you guys to hop between addresses.
I came across this video today recorded on a SprintCam v3 by I-Movix at an astounding rate of 1000-frames-per-second. Compare that to a normal video camera's frame rate at 25-frames-per-second!
Trust me, it looks MUCH better in HD.
Since we're on the subject of film, I'm working on a short film right now. It's another action-packed thing with the usual soldiers and boom-bam. I figured it was time to churn another one out to see where I am now, technically and creatively, after the days of masturbatory film-projects from Poly.
I'll update periodically on the progress of this project. Or maybe I should start a dedicated blog for it. Whatever la.
But I can't shake the feeling that I've been plucked by the hands of a sadist to be thrown into a boiling pool of red for a purpose I'm yet to discover.
I once wrote on Facebook: My life is a matter of luck and coincidences.
I have no doubt now, after the events that lead up to the climax on April Fool's, that God is real, and he is a film scriptwriter.
Which other profession reserves its sadistic views of life for the pleasure of seeing its' characters suffer?
I thought I got life all figured out. And that the many turns of events that has shaped me into who I was has plateaued. I guess not, and there seems to be more surprises up the road.
I lost a friend, only to have another come in. It'll be just a stroke of luck, if it wasn't because they bear many similarities between each other. The coincidence is frightening. Sort of god's way of saying, "Here, you can have second best!"
I'm not afraid of meeting new people. In fact, this new person is mighty fine. But I yell with frustration to the man who giggles as he plays my strings.
I took the one thing I loved and broke it to pieces. What more do you want?!
I like how everything ends so perfectly in a loop in my life.
The length of the string doesn't matter. It'll find new corners, but after a while, it'll loop on itself, passing by familiar leg chairs, dust balls and floors, ending back at where it started.
I've been wanting to this for quite a while, and I guess it's the logical way to go - I'm converting this blog into a photoblog.
Sounds all well and good, but apparently I have no idea where to start. Gone with the sidebar (moved to the footer) and that leaves ample space for hi-res shots to be put in. There have been quite a few shots I've taken that I'd like to share but sizing it down to a width of 500px doesn't do justice to the details that I'd like everyone to see. Come on, digi-cams record in HD now, too!
Also, I'll be catering to wide-screen monitors... seeing how EVERYONE has a laptop now and every other emokid has a Macbook.
Oh I'm joking about emokids having Macbooks. Put your apples down.
I know my writings are crap, and I'm listening. So that means less blabber-writing and more mastur-snapping.
But, of course, I love writing. I mean, that's why I'm so annoying on Facebook, so I've set-up another blog purely for text. Due to privacy concerns (can't let my parents nose around), I've hidden the link somewhere on this blog. Happy searching!
I've been meaning to blog regularly. And I have been writing. Honest!
But I lose the mood whenever I get home. My handwritten work, chucked aside.
Maybe it's the mess in my room. Dusty, insect-infested, a vomit of colors strewn about. Clothes I never use hang lethargically in my cupboard. A sweaty bed. How ugly to look at.
I hate my room.
I want out. I need to get out. I need to kick everything away. But, no. I can't. For the witch would screech down from the clouds. And she'll get nosy. And perform an act of flattery towards me. And I'll lose my drive again. Please. Let me be. I don't need to be patronized.
I sit here on this sticky chair in silence. It's 2am... I light up a stick. A regular signal; I'm heading to bed. My finger taps the mouse. I think... I wish... one day I could bring a friend into my room and not be ashamed.
But that's just a wish. I'll clean the room someday. Hopefully, with help.
No more dusty tables. No more dust balls on the floor. Aesthetic uniformity.
The floors are wailing again. They won't shut up. So much pain under my knees. Rocking, and rocking. I don't want to get up.
My god. What's that. Behind the shadows, I see your face. Bright. Glowing. No... I cannot. Shyly, I turn away. Don't touch me.
But let me touch you. I strain a breath as my fingers glide over yours. Fuck you. Fuck you for making me nothing more than an object. A carton box. A broken chair. But, please. Don't move. I'm not done yet.
I've done quite a lot of things for the past two weeks. Things that I have deep urges to write about. But a book won't do, and I find satisfaction in putting it online for all to see.
But I can't put it up here. Not with my parents wandering around. Or potential employers fishing for background information.
I guess it does, indeed, kind of suck to not be able to express myself fully. Just as a simple hug, an expression of love, could be deemed a major abomination of whatever dogma one follows. Crossing the line, they say.
I found love, in a way. But a different kind of love. It's the kind I would love to keep to myself.
Maybe, one day, you'll find my blood writings online. As a different person. And you'll understand.
And you'll understand what lies behind some of the posts here. Veiled behind the cover of awkward poetry.
I used to shoot films to impress my lecturers. I used to write in an air of arrogance and absolute. I used to work in the horrid conditions of a film set. Nothing more, but for the money. And for fame.
Something must have changed me somewhere. And I'm enjoying an up-turn in my life. A vast difference than the dense air of depression of February. But I'm taking life lightly, laughing off every mishap and celebrating every little success. I don't carry the weight of the world with me anymore.
Every step I take is filled with the rhythm of an orchestra. Every turn I make is a dance on the stage. And every smile I give carries a thousand words with them.
I clinch on to that night. The night we held hands. Vivid, it was. Those slender fingers and a touch filled with intimacy. I remember those hands. They once filled my heart. It's not the same person anymore. But it felt so familiar.
I buried these feelings so deeply inside, I forgot what it felt like. When these hands brought me over, my heart sank into the abyss. Waves of bittersweet feelings wash upon the walls of my chest. The feeling I had between my lips, they became familiar again.
But I know, this was just a dream. And it will last as long. The good-bye hug. And the farewell kiss. So lightly as it was. I know this could be our final one.
