I found this excerpt from Euthyphro by Socrates rather thought provoking.
P.S I'm not trying to push an Atheist propaganda. I couldn't care less or it'll put me in the same boat as bible thumpers or bigots. This has nothing to do with it anyways. I just find this worthy of sharing. What good is living if you do not question things?
And the Lord spoke unto the philosopher," I am the Lord thy God, and I am the source of all that is good. Why does thy secular moral philosophy ignore me?
And the philosopher spake unto the Lord," To answer I must first ask you some questions. You command us to do what is good. But is it good because you command it, or do you command it because it is good?"
"Ur," said the Lord. "It's good because I command it?"
"The wrong answer, surely, your mightiness! If the good is only good because you say it is so, then you could, if you wished, make it so that torturing infants was good. But that would be absurd, wouldn't it?"
"Of course!" replieth the Lord. "I tested thee and thou have made me pleased. What was the other choice again?"
"You choose what is good because it IS good. But then that shows that goodness does not depend on you at all. So we don't need to study God to study the good."
"Even so," spake the Lord," you've got to admit that I've written some pretty good textbooks on the subject..."
The essence of my demise stares me in the face As I pen my thoughts with words misplaced. A world of beauty have I lived with haste A wandering gaze away from truth but a view replaced.
A secret undressed, the mind obsessed but the heart protests. I listened to the words you used on me. And you deny the truth of your words laid on your breasts. A joke as it was, I have to agree.
The seeds of your lives is the beauty I seek. The empty touch of the girls who work I cannot feel. Why can't I put my lips on your cheek. A life of lies I've lived With you it cannot heal.
Jayden once showed me a few pictures that had quite a pretty effect on it. Basically it consisted of an off-focus light source-thingy layer over another image of a subject.
We tried reproducing this effect at our own leisure.
Well, this is what I came up with half-asleep one night.
Meh. I should refine this effect a bit more. The look isn't quite there yet and overdone.
What do you think?
By the way, Happy Chinese New Year to all of you out there! Enjoy the long weekend!
P.S. Should I put a little video of me editing my photos?
I'll be staying in camp from today till Friday morning. I'm a heavy sleeper so it's best I stayed in camp so that I won't be late. At least my curfew's at 2359... before the guards lock the main gate.
I turn 21 in exactly a week.
There's a saying that goes,"Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes."
Twenty-one is a big number for me. They'll usually give a key to the guy on their 21st to tell them that they're a man. Or now liable to be sodomized by the thick arm of the law.
If I could, I would love to finally throw a party... or a gathering... at least for once. Just once. I'd invite everyone I've ever been thankful to meet and we'd mingle and shoot the shits the whole night.
I've never celebrated my birthdays. I keep telling myself I'm too busy. Obviously, I'm only making myself feel better.
But this is me. This is who I am.
I have no cash. I have no ideas. I'm overall a very boring person in real-life. Even my Internet persona isn't exactly something to fancy all about. The best friend I ever had was a QWERTY keyboard.
As much as I'd like to have something big done this year, I'd most probably spend this year like the usual: At home, on the computer, probably surfing porn. I'll occasionally get the usual SMS-es from a couple of guys and get on with life. Once, I had a friend call me up to get him out of debt.
If I could have at least one day where I'm not bothered by aimless pedestrians blocking my way, the nagging of my parents or useless bickering on the newspapers... it's on my 21st.
This will be the day.
The day where I can walk around in the middle of the night in the city with another person. Our hearts in a knot. I will lay myself on that lap to cuddle up and weep. Weep at the joy such a night could bring. When the life I knew has gone and I've reached a place of no return.
Dreams are dreams. And that's where they will stay. I am not a king. And I don't ask to be treated like one. I don't ask for gifts. I don't ask for women. I don't ask for all the money in the world.
I only want silence. For that one day.
No more nagging. No more dollars. No more worries.
All I wish for is to look down that night... only to see your hands in mine.
These roads of life, will I then march with courage.
I've loved Royston since I came across his film, "15". about four years ago. It was the full one hour and a half one... the one with the cock shot.
A view from Esplanade's Rooftop Terrace.
Here's another one of his shorts (haha... his shorts...) that I stumbled across online. It's the full version of "Cut", a film that so cheekily puts across a big fat middle-finger to our film censorship boards. I love this film!
This was made years ago in 2004. I remember this censorship thing being an issue every now and then in my Poly days. We had lengthy discussions everytime it crops out. Once, our lecturers censored some parts of our scripts for lewd content. Funny... we haven't even shot any shit yet! But that's all over now.
You'll probably be hearing this again in the next minute... and a few hundred more times later through the day. But I'd like to wish you a great twenty-six ahead. We've never really talked and I was merely that 'fan' overstaying his welcome in your home with that little video camera of mine. Must have been really tough having someone like me floating around.
I don't have much to provide. I'm much of an empty person to think of great gifts to give you.
I've known you since 2006 and you've given me more than I could repay. You brought me into the world of music and I have had endless joy exploring the world of guitars, drums, and gothic fashion. I've seen slices of your life and how you handle them. To me, you were not an idol that I was a fan of. You were a hero to me, at that point of my life.
The day we first met.
You brought me into Dragonfly, in 2007, through the staff entrance and that was the day I recorded and edited a video for you. The band was playing a birthday song in Cantonese and I savored the moment - because that day happened to be mine too - even if the song wasn't dedicated to me.
All my teenage life, I have never held a gathering... nor a party... nor really celebrated my birthday. I wasn't capable, and I never knew anyone who would make that effort. I lived it like it was just another day with a mask over my face.
Silver Wonders concert at Ngee Ann Poly.
But on that year, you were there.
I remember when I entered your house after we got back from the show and the place was dark. No one was around. A moment later, the lights went on and you, Uncle Larry, Auntie Avi, Stacie, your sister... the whole family... surprised me with a little cake with a picture of Doraemon on it. The candles were lighted and all of you sang me a birthday song.
Then you asked me,"Let me take a video for you." and I handed over my camera. It was a such a quiet surprise. But it echoes so loudly in my ears. It's a birthday I cannot forget. And it pains me more to think back that I could ever let our trust down.
You handed me a present. I think it was a t-shirt. I will never know. Maybe God has it in for me - I left it in the cab when I got home at 3am in the morning.
I swear, I searched the whole week for the present, calling the cab line as many times as I could. I never got it back.
All that remains of that day lies in the video tape that was inside the camera when you recorded the whole affair. But on that day, the tape snapped. I never got the chance to put it on playback. Here it lies with a dozen others of my tapes. Nothing else can touch it now.
I'm not ashamed that I've met you, Sly, no matter the flak that I've received. You have always been a great person to hang around with. You were always mindful for what the people around you needed.
Others may see you as a musician... a singer... an idol... but to me, from the bottom of my heart, you will always be the light that shined on those dark years of my youth.
I seem to be falling apart, literally. I broke at least three things this week. Aside from the brush with death (getting extra, no we can't have that. Not on this month!), these are the broken things:
My specs! What the hell! I need to see!
hahahaahha... :(
I thought these 'Army specs' were durable as hell. Guess not. I don't remember how this broke. I woke up after a nap with my top off, where this item was in the pocket. So I couldn't have rolled over it while dreaming of pink horses. It broke nicely in the middle. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put it together again. Why I had horses helping me fix a pair of spectacles in the first place, I don't know.
Secondly, my wallet's threading ripped apart.
Always have at least 20 dollars in your wallet... for late-night cabs home.
There's a history behind this wallet. I didn't buy it, but it was a gift from Jimmy Low last year. It used to belong to his father, my shi-gong, and is estimated to be about twenty years old.
Told ya.
It probably broke due to its age and the shit load of things I stuff into it like receipts, money, and little memorabilia from my daily life. Even has young Nicholas's picture in it. What can I say? When you love a guy, you love a guy.
I should start cleaning out my wallet.
Finally, this comes to me as a shocker. I don't know when it happened... and I'd best like it to be fix as soon as fucking possible.
I'd actually encourage you to put down that coffee you're drinking, or the dinner you're eating now.
Ready?
Okay.... *breathes in*......
Here it is... . . . . . . . .
I CONTRACTED A CASE OF FOOT ROT!!!!
I bathe daily, I change socks everyday, my boots have never given me any kind of problems, and I never take it off in camp (probably that's the reason? Then explain four years of un-eventful NCC.). Hell, my foot has always smelt so good, too!
In short, I have no fucking idea where this came from. It's freaking itchy, disgusting to look at and it hurts to walk barefoot. I hope it isn't enczyma. I have two friends with this problem from Poly and it's sick to look at.
I'll make a visit down to the MO this week. For now, some Chinese ointment and a bandage to keep the itchiness at bay together with Doctor Google to advice on treatment.
I've added a new poll. It's over at the Nuffnang Ad on my sidebar to the right. I'd love it if you could give me some feedback. Vote away!
Quite a strange weather this week.
It's been really sunny and I have my shades on as usual. On top of that, I'd hide in the shadows, out of the sun. What was unusual this time was the wind.
Sunset over Seletar.
The trees were combed back by the persistent wind. The palm trees barely made it through the gusts of freezing air, which, again, was weird. I radio-ed back a few times,"Guardrooooom..... it's raaaaiiiinnniiinggg...." only to have the dark clouds pass by, sunny again. It finally drizzled a few hours later but was equivalent to the skies shaking off after a piss at the urinal. I found the raindrops stinging, though. It was icy cold.
It seems that the sun doesn't set on time anymore. Normally, it'd be dark by seven, but this time, seven was the new six-thirty. It finally gets dark at seven-forty now.
But after all this wacky combination of bright sunlight and cool air (and a new aircon in the guardroom), it's the perfect set-up for a good morning nap. I slept like a baby today after my morning shift, skipping lunch to complete a four-hour nap. I even had time for a dream!
Going over to Hooters tomorrow after work with the RP guys. I don't know what to expect.
I'm back in Stagmont. Great morning, last Monday. I must have done something right along the way... the smiles, hand shakes and the gleam of their eyes.
I even got to meet this person I was meaning to talk to since day one. It's funny, because to most of these people, I'm just that little figure standing at the gates. They see me for, at most, thirty seconds each day.
In addition, at least four of my OOC-mates from SISPEC are now in Stagmont. This afternoon I went up to their bunk for a surprise visit with their sergeant, who I accompanied on an issue. A crowd gathered out of curiosity and I heard a few guys I don't recognize gasp my name. Been around the block a few times, apparently.
Never expected this kind of reception when I returned from Clementi. I'm very thankful for that.
But even through this warm fabric my heart collapses at every delicate reminder of you.
It's been great having you around for the past six months. I will never forget your ever-disappearing eyes and that signature pout you have. I remember telling you at Yankee Coy line, "You have that kind of perverted look about you. It's your lips."
On the 20th of December 2008 I was called down to help out in a shoot for Suria. I was briefed on what stunts we had to prepare the day before and it was simple: wire rigs and pyrotechnics.
This is where magic is done.
It was back to work and I relished every moment I spent the night before loading up the van in Whampoa with mattresses, poly-boards and a trampoline. Oh yes, how much of a 'coolie' I was before NS. Uncle Jimmy and I took stock of our explosives and I watched as he crafted effect after effect out of unsuspecting materials.
There are things here that can blow your nose off.
The shoot this time was for Suria's upcoming serial drama entitled "Nenekku Superspy", or in translation, "Superspy Grandma". The thing about us stunt guys is that we don't usually care whose shoot we're on or what the story is about. All I could gather about the show was that it's supposed to take place in some virtual world where a middle-aged lady is the hero and she kicks virtual ass by using household items as weapons. Like a rubberband.
Normally these film-shoot posts would go on-and-on as I regurgitate sentences in an effort to make walls of text that would allow pictures to be slotted in between paragraphs. Well, to hell with that. No one gives a shit about text even if I said I killed my sister last night and dumped her body on top of fapping macaque monkeys. I'll make a photoblog-post instead. Getting It Right. -
The film was shot just outside Seletar Camp. It's single storey building and everything inside's a mess. Lots of abandoned buildings in the area. Uncle Jimmy looked at them and shook his head. "If only the government could give me one of these buildings as my workshop." I concur. We need the space.
A look into this room and you just knew shit happened here before. Uncle Jimmy walked in when I took this photo and went,"Oh... this is where I did the human torch stunt a few weeks back. I set the wall on fire." Good lord, for a while, I thought this was a drug den.
Wire Stunt: Twirling Up -
There wasn't anyone around in the stunt team but my boss's son and me. Since he'll be busy directing, the setting-up had to done by me. I've seen a lot of wire rigs, but this was the first time I had to fix it up on my own. I was unsure and got quite a bit of a disappointment from Uncle Jimmy. Two years in the stunt industry and I can't even tie a knot?
I had to stack up and balance two tables that were lying around and stand on a chair and criss-cross wires through funny places of the walls to get this done. But of course I wasn't afraid - I had my SAF gloves. I feel so safe in them.
This wire stunt went well, and Tetris (yes, that's his son's name. 0.o) and I pulled the wire. She had to spin while we pulled her up. I had a go with it a few times before to check for stability. Uncle Jimmy was on the other end of the wire. When the test was done, he said,"You're an elephant." Who knew I was 70-over KG?
Apart from what we had on the project brief, we'd always do some additional low-level special effects on the shoot. It's from these little extras that I learnt many useful things like how to make AND handle an improvised smoke machine. Jimmy Low's a very handy guy and he can make things out of nothing. Then again, I was brought up with a silver spoon in my mouth.
For this shoot, they needed the dust-blowing-from-a-strike effect that's quite apparent in Hong-Kong kung-fu films. I heard the main actress was a veteran. She's middle-aged and a very jovial person. I'm surprised at how energetic she was.
Uncle Jimmy created this effect on-the-fly and it looks great on camera.
Wire Stunt: Flying Backwards -
Tetris and I moved over to another room after taking down the former rig set-up to make a new one while Jimmy was off on a different scene. This was something new. The ceiling... well... there was no ceiling... and we had to somehow hook up a pulley on the iron beam about two-storeys up. All I had was a ladder two metres too short and a crowbar. I don't know how we got it up, but we did. Again, I was safe. Why? Because I had my gloves!
I called Uncle Jimmy for a check during a break and he was quite impressed at what we did. Then he told me,"Could you cut off all that false ceiling?"
There was no way I could do that. So he got four strong men and instructed me to get into my wire harness. I knew what was coming... I had to cut off all that aluminium while hanging from a wire. Needless to say, the harness got tighter as I stayed up there. You know how tight harnesses can get down below.
I had great fun, though, swinging around with the knowledge that at the other side of the line were four men on the floor heaving and maintaining their grip to keep me up. They couldn't keep up after a while so I looked at my boss and we grinned. "Bring the ladder over."
See, there's action stunts, and there's publicity stunts. That was a publicity stunt.
This is probably the only picture of me you'll see in close contact with another girl.
We got the stand-in rigged with a harness and proper padding to get her used to the wires. Till this day, I can never understand why I'm always so afraid of getting hooked on wires whereas the talents are so comfy and jolly about it. But before we got her up, I had the honor to test the wire out. Which basically means, if shit happens, it'll be a pretty good lesson for me.
Luckily, the set-up was stable and I got a kick out of it. The same four guys had to pull me. I'm sorry I'm an elephant, okay? I was afraid I'd miss the mattresses behind and knock the hell out of my head but that's pretty much impossible. I had some fun after a while and did the Matrix bullet-time thing for kicks. Oh, when will the day I could act in an action film? Spark Effects -
We saved the scene for later, and moved on to the pyrotechnics. Another thing about film shoots is that we have to pretty much think on our feet. On our side, we don't really do location scouting days before. Uncle Jimmy's pretty much a veteran and he knows what to do. He took a look at the location and planned the shots and sequence and where to plant the charges.
I think it's pretty cool to have a father that shows you how to make pyro-effects and that was what he was doing. He ran me through, as well, about the different shapes and patterns to consider for the scene itself. I got to work with setting them up and camouflaging them from the camera with leaves and wood.
This is an example of our set-up. This one's meant for a wide-shot so we didn't really have to hide it much. Uncle Jimmy packs it in such a way that even if you held the length of wire nearest to the charge you wouldn't get pieces of your fingertips flying about the set. It's directional and that means there's a clear danger area that the talent should avoid and it helps for the trigger person on the right timing to set it off.
No one managed to get a video of the effect sequence. The three of us had our own effects to trigger. I was a bit slow in triggering off. It was my first time, though, and luckily, I didn't have to march off the set or anything. Maybe I was scared. But fuck me, how can I be afraid of things I'm in charge of?
The picture above is the result after releasing the charge. The resulting pattern tells a lot about how it was prepared and this one was good. Safe, and fucking impressive. We blew a charge on another shot. It was on the floor, and the actress was a step away from it. When it set-off, the light and bang was so brilliant she jumped... subsequently releasing a fart. Good laughs that time. What's up with all the fart jokes, lately?
It's finally time for the last major stunt of the day. We got the stand-in in her get up of paddings, a winter coat, and the usual things a Malay lady would wear in the hot and humid tropical weather of our country. I should say it was a great transformation. I broke all rules of professionalism when I started to laugh out loud... uncontrollably. Who would have thought they'd see a lady in a tudung fly?
Even Malaysian films have never done it before!
I found out only recently that this stand-in was a university graduate. How cool is that? I'm setting up a lady who's definitely twenty-six thousand times smarter than me into the air and on a pile of dirty sandy mattresses. We didn't do two rehearsals... nor three... we at least threw her back a dozen times, rectifying her mistakes and getting things to the right momentum for that perfect shot.
The cameras started rolling and the scene commenced. Everything went fine and we did a few takes with no issues. We've never had an accident before, and I'd be damned if it happened the first time I was tasked to take charge of one. The stand-in had a great time (Okay, I think she got bored of the stunt after the first twenty rehearsals) but most importantly, the director was happy with the shots.
It's A Wrap!
I'm not quite sure when the episode will be airing. If you do watch TV, or even tune in to Suria, alert me if the commercial for the episode airs. I'd love to see how things turned out.
It was near evening when we were done. I had things packed up and mattresses loaded back into the van. They had more shots to take and I became anxious. Uncle Jimmy saw that and he approached me,"Audi, you have an appointment later, right?"
I nodded.
"Okay, you may leave. Thanks for all your help. I'll handle all these other small scenes."
I shook his hand, bid everyone on set good-bye and thanked the production manager who took some shots for me with my camera. I ran out to the main road when I realized I was in Seletar... there are no public transports, there are no HDB estates, and the main road is about half a kilometer out.
I was running already when a truck came up behind and I hitched a ride out to the main road. I never knew you could hitch a ride like that in Singapore. Whoever was that nice uncle who let me into his truck, I thank you.
That was pretty much my day that day. I got home, washed up, put on my leather pants, singlet, jacket and fedora cap and I was out again to attend Nuffnang's vPost Xmas Party.
So yes, I'm sorry, to whoever that met me at the party, if I stank so much that night.
I bought a pair of jeans from a clothing shop (duh) that hires foreigners in Peninsula Plaza's basement. Yeah, that one.
I think they call it skinny-jeans.. or slim fit jeans. I wouldn't know. All I knew was that I need a pair of jeans that didn't make me look like a fucking slacker with a low ass. I was gifted with a nice ass and I'd like to show it off. Of course, all this while knowing that they took some points off my face for my behind. Congratulations, Audi, your ass looks better than your face!
Umm... yea... kinda obvious that I'm running out of pictures.
Nick's advice to me with jeans were not to wash them at all for the next six months. Instead, sunning them during weekends or so. All this just to get "a very nice fade". He should know... his jeans costs him SGD500.
Thus, I bought my first pair of slim-fitting jeans on the 19th of December 2008. Fast forward to last week, and they now smell of leather and sun. I could be arrested for this alone under 'Public Nuisance'. Six months of not washing? I don't think so.
Anyways, I was eating at some Korean restaurant (Fresh Bulggogi)at Downtown East where the staff probably had a knife underneath their shirts ready to spring up and stab them in the chest if they were to ever receive a word of our orders instead of us clicking on the LCD monitors beside the table for our meals.
I have to say, it's weird when you sneakily place an order for a drink between meals and the lady comes lalala-ing down with a glass of 7UP and your parents stare at her for a god-awful "wtf,mate?" moment.
Did I mention it was my mom's birthday that day? Happy 49th (??) Birthday!
Halfway through the meal I felt a pain in my abdomen. Probably had the shits coming along from all the food in the Army. I breathed in, readjusted, pulled up my pants and tried to finish the meal. The pain was worse this time. And it was different. It wasn't gas... I tried farting. Didn't work. I tried eating more, didn't work at all. I reached down and that's when I realized.
Omg.
I was sitting on my balls.
That sharp pain were the cries of my right gonad as they were viced on to my pelvic bone as my weight flattened them against my jeans. I knew what I had to do now - get them higher up to ease the tension. Here I was eating deep-fried mushrooms (oh they are delicious) while my fingers were 'walking' my testicles up my pants.
The rest of the afternoon was fine and I'm fit as a horse now. Or a fiddle. Whatever.
So, lesson learnt, my other guy friends. When wearing tight jeans... please...
Not really, I'm writing this out of random. My basis for these predictions don't come from staring into a pool of water in a dark room illuminated by candles ala Nostrodamus or sleeping the whole day and having a magical fairy come to tell me shit. Instead, I'm looking back at history and following the current trends in the recent year.
They say history will always repeat itself.
Predictions for 2009
Major unrest in the middle east, leading to bigger wars and at it's worst, another world war. Probable causes include prejudice, religion and oil.
Increase in frequency of natural disasters. Particularly, earthquakes. Some will hit quite close to home, while others will happen in unheard of locations like New York, Florida, or Yellowstone National Park.
Change in weather patterns.
Weird behaviors from animals like birds. Mass migration, cannibalism in colonies. Keep an eye out for ant movements.
Police/military state in certain countries. Could lead up to civil unrest.
More talk of space travel.
More talk of nuclear power.
Biofuels won't be a favorite alternate fuel.
Talks to point towards a disclosure from authorities on alien life forms or UFOs.
The Internet might change becoming less liberal and more controlled.
A major crisis to happen again, much like 9/11. False flag or not, it's for our children to see.
Increase in military operations and mobilizations.
Push towards the direction of marijuana legalization.
Increase in cigarette prices. Also, inflation to omfg proportions.
Leaps in science that may include anti-gravity, free energy, invisibility and weapons much lethal than before but with less bang.
Nothing Better Than Being Alive will move over to Wordpress.
Audi Khalid will finally get a girlfriend to call his own.
Okay, out of all the possibilities of those above happening, the last one is the least probable. With all the crap that goes through my mind everyday, it's a wonder how I'm still considered sane.
The time was 2355hrs and the crowd was gathering at the riverside area of Vivo City. Nick, Justin and I took a little spot on the railing at the far end of the walkway. I listened in as they spoke of their experience in NS. I knew this day would come, when my friends will talk about how much they suffered through their vocations, how hard they had to climb, how long they had to march and how heavy their field pack was. All the sweat and grime, a familiar yet distant scent that I used to know. All I could say in reply was, "I'm just an RP" as I shook my head in sadness.
90% of these people are probably teenage girls.
Joey pulled Justin and I in at a queue. They've been waiting for forty minutes and Justin mumbled,"I feel so cheap" when we got into the line. It was for some Channel 8 live show with Lucify and Patricia Mok. I wasn't so interested. Those days are long gone.
"But you get to see celebrities!" yelped Steph, Joey's girlfriend.
"What, celebrities? Singapore? Those aren't celebrities."
The countdown began, and my fingers ran over my camera, awaiting the fireworks. The two of them on the railing wouldn't budge. Twelve midnight. It's the new year. The ship horned and shrieked. The night sky lit up with the fireworks but I couldn't see. I ran down the road, hoping to catch a glimpse of it.
I did, and it wasn't spectacular. So I didn't bother.
Justin can never look straight into the camera. Or maybe he was. Or thought he was. I don't know!
The ride to Bishan with the purpose of prawning was smooth sailing and there weren't as many cars as expected.
Sgt. Lyndon... I mean... Mr. James... called me and there was his trademark giggle. If you ever heard it, it'll sound like a cross between the child of a hyena that mated with another human and on coke. We planned to meet after that.
But things changed, and Joey left with his friend. We met Lyndon at Bishan and hailed a cab. Justin saved the day, and we went over to Circular Road for supper.
How much fun it was. I walked down the street, amazed at how some people would succumb to alcohol and lay piss drunk on the road as their friends tell each other he'll be fine the next morning. I hated that. I hate getting drunk. For one, you become a burden to others and they'll have to babysit you.
I sat in silence as the three of them spoke about their NS life. I have nothing to say. Just the little vignettes I had in camp. My NS life is as far away as anyone would expect.
Justin brought us over to the Home Club where his friend got us a seat. I bottle of stout in front of us and this will be the night.
We haven't met in a long time, and Justin has some issues on his mine. Somewhat related to what I had, and we confided with each other. I felt really close to him that time, and I couldn't be much happier. There was so much love, so much honesty and sincerity. This was a friend that I would keep.
There was a period of time when Lyndon and I were alone. The speakers were thud-thudding a mix of electronic beats and he asked,"Have you ever wondered what you could have done if you continued your BSLC?"
I knew I let him down from bailing from SISPEC. But I thought it out way beforehand.
"I have... and I think I could have done so many things."
"You could have led a squad by now. What happened to you? What happened to that enthusiastic, siao 'on' Audi from BMT?"
He's still here, deep inside. The other two have gotten their gold fitness badges and endured countless camps and marches.
I look back with pride as I see myself pointing fingers at my platoon mates in the scorching jungles of Tekong. My sweat trickling down my cheeks as the seep through the camouflage cream on my face. That bastard of a recruit, they say. What could I have done?
I'm sorry, did this picture scare the shit out of you?
Nick and I related stories that were never told to our sergeant. Slowly, I felt, the conversation falter. There was no point in talking anymore. We've told the same stories over and over again. But back in my mind, there was a topic which I spoke to Justin about. And it's something I had to let it out. That was all I was concerned about. I did, and I was relieved, though unsure if I did the right thing.
The night went by quickly and the mood was great. Drunkards started forming up outside the club, and the place was littered with plastic bottles and cigarette butts. I don't want to be them. I wanted to remember this night to its smallest detail. This was a special night. I planned what I wanted to wear. Even my underwear. I was with people that made significant changes to my life and I had all the money in the world to splurge on. This was a special night. Where we had it all. All the time, all the joy. Freedom. And rock and roll. A night where we're rocking in the free world.
We left around 0530hrs. Justin went home with his friend via the bus. Nick and I walked around for a cab until we reached Chinatown. He's such a big person now. I looked at his arms and they were mosquito bites on it. It wasn't the same young Nicholas I knew from BMT. He was leaner and the look of his eyes reflected what he has been through for the past three months. I knew that the next day he'd be in a plane on his way to Brunei for an exercise.
He eventually got a cab and I bailed after some awkward stares from hooligans. Apparently we cut the queue. My sister and her boyfriend were on their way to pick me up and I agreed to meet at Clarke Quay MRT. Here I was, walking alone from Chinatown. Nick called me shortly after.
"Are you okay? Did the gangsters get you?"
He called again a second time but we got cut off. An SMS came in and he thanked me for the wonderful night. The thanks belong to him, in my opinion. I SMS-ed Justin to see if he was okay and thanked him for the warm welcome into the new year. Things were looking great.
Batman and Robin.
I received quite a few SMS-es from friends. A first, really. I was amused when Leon, the singer, sent me an SMS. It probably was another mass-SMS greeting, but at least he still had me in his phonebook. There were some numbers that came in that I don't even recognize so I sent back a thank you note anyways. I called Jayden, too, to send him my wishes.
Last year, I spent the celebrations in a dingy KTV pub with a bunch of friends I don't know so well. My ears were bleeding from drunken Chinese men singing pop love songs. This year, however, I listened in to the sweet voice of companionship. I didn't spend much money that night. There was no need to. Year 2008 was a good year for me, and I wanted it to end on a similar note.
