Tuesday, January 31, 2006
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Sunday, January 29, 2006
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I think this year going to be good year for everyone of us.
Serious. You wan noe why?
Cos my bday is CNY eve.. and that is super lucky already. Lol.
Then the muslim calender.. the new year is on Monday... also near my bday.. ahahhaa....
Then its year of dog I turn 18.... and I like dogs... very good animals... but sometimes blardy disgusting la.... the lanjiao sometimes hang out until like that... eee..
and my friends super yandao and chio this year!!!!!!!!!!! all grow up already!!!!
And what a birthday.
Ok la so I didn’t like the idea of going johor because I have a few houses to go to (ppl invite wan... not I kaypoh...) and confirm I go johor my father will ask me eat eat eat.
So I was in my room la... abt to sleep but nv sleep because if I sleep before midnight my parents will kong liao which I dun wan because I haven got my driving license yet so I need mother to send me to school and I dun have enuf money yet so I need father to be around still HAHAHAHAHAH so I in my pillows sing song while my 2HP aircon blowing on my back.
But I sian already so I go down wan to see sister because I forgot how she look like. Skali....BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!!
i shock then fall down the stairs like hasrul... sibeh pai seh man... all my fats flip flop flip flop create mini-shockwave...
my sister.. as usual... scream scream scream... mai kao pei lea....
still got bang bang bang... sound like got ppl firing guns outside!
BANG BANG BOOM!!!
OMG now got artillery!
But the sound not come from one direction only... someitmes come from front of house.... other times from behind house... another time from sibeh far away... I see the sky and see like got flash flash.....
I go out to the lawn and see.... my mother and sister also looking up at the sky... I see my neightbours they all also looking out... up at the sky....
Then I saw.....
I saw something that we singaporeans are missing out....
THE LIBERTY OF FIRING ONE’S OWN FIREWORKS!!!!
Up in the sky were fireworks bang bang banging in the sky... some got sound like zzzzzzzz...... others got like wheeeeeeeeeeeiiiiuuuu..... super cool man.
Then I hear one sound like chicken kanna strangled........ I turn around and realise is my sister cheering.... =..=
And best part is? They are all set off by neighbours!
Got one time after everything cool... skali my neighbour opposite.... his house shoot fireworks!
Sibeh damn fucking high ar! Those are expensive okay!
Bang bang bang bang PIAK!
I thought strange why the last one sound so different then I saw that one fireworks accidentally hit the underside of the house’s roof so I guess my neighbour kanna experience the “super-low-level fireworks” HAHAHAAH a lot of colour colour sparks right infornt of his face.
Just nice my father come in johor taxi (he come form senai airport and my mother lazy pick him up lol).. he come out.. and then ask we all get into our car where he later drive us around the district.
Our district still building up... and is on a hill.. and a lot of flat land.... for now.. it looks like a desert; no tall buldings... can see the sky! Like.. finally!. So my father drive us.... and on the horizon we can see pockets of fireworks lighting up the sky all across the horizon, 360 degrees!
Like suddenly jhor become battlefield and the artillery shells are firing up on multiple targets.
Sibeh damn cool.
Now I think if gahment allow this kind of stuff in singapore.....
Wah then chao bangla will take firework and shoot them into their boss the flat because they buay song with him always slapping their head for no reason... then suddenly hit the kitchen... then hit the gas tank.... gas tank explode.... flat kanna fire... fire burn burn burn... then become like the flat is offering to the dead people like you know some ppl burn car to send to the next world?
Then the flat burn... crumble down.... everyone inside die and go to heaven (some make u-turn and go to hell) and the bangla get caught by police and sent back to their country where they suddenly become hero and then skali the boss appear infront of where his flat was! Aiyo! Wan to kill someone also make sure they at home first la!!!! Cause so many problem in the end tio sai......
Eh but I must really comment on our banglas and thai workers. They road works and construction skils are super super super man!
You go johor... where the da tou will say that this certain race is the HIGHER CLASS.... they cal them the “bumiputras”.... the one where come out from the pure soil of the country with same kind of skull structure... same kind of voice.... same kidn of skin.. same kind of buck-tooth... same kind of smell... same kind of intelligence... they built the roads in johor wan and I tell you... everytime my father drive on the roads will curse and swear because you know why? Cause he scared his suspension will damage cos the road SIBEH FUCKING LOTS OF POT HOLES!
And they are very deep! So deep that i can pour water and swim inside become turtle!
I wan to talk more abt the bumiputra thing but not now la... I got headache...
Its like at the causweay.. after a barrage of pot holes.... we pass the woodlands checkpoint then into the singapore highway... with the car running smoothly with no sudden bumps or swerving needed... and the sibeh boring speed limit of 90km/h.......... I just feel as if my needs are being taken care of by good people.
Thank you hor all you foreign workers! I support you!
jia you!
Saturday, January 28, 2006
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NNAAAAaaaa BEEEeeiiii!!!!!
Oh ya today my birthday. Happy new year!
Some of you may know this blog -> cheekybynature.blogspot.com
It’s one of the most entertaining singaporean blogs around! A lot of farking farny entries and the person is one fucking cool guy who can really write stories. My da tou sometimes la so to say....
But cb!!! he say one of his friends found his blog and then his identity kanna revealed so cheeky had to close blog otherwise gahment come with rotan and whack his backside from inside his asshole!
With things like this ar... I wonder how long it will take before ppl come catch me for my jokes and rants.... especially when im not blogging anonymously. And now with the recent realisation that there are readers who dunno how to read every word and always pre-conceptualise the meaning of sentences for the fuck of what I also dunno because that is so immature.... URGH.... fuck you all, can?
But seriously... you all singaporeans who so touchy touchy can stop the crap anot? Every little bit complain complain complain la then go cut wrist la... cut vagina la... cut boyfren;s lan jiao la... cut this cut that write letter call ppl complain to police write to newspaper bla bla bla sibeh diao you know anot?
I kanna email a few times by ppl trying to act smart because they tink I very stupid when they read my blog (actually no hor... I got O level cert ok dun play play! HAAHHAH) and I tell you ar...... I read and read their super long emails where they commit super a lot of plagiarism cos never cite their sources and got so many english mistakes and the whole email is not about them but some article they lifted off somewhere which they most probably could not understand that’s why lift the whole article until I sibeh pek chek I just reply them with one line like, “Enough?”.
Of course la their heart burn.. burn until black... and they go send me another few more SUPER LONG email to support their stand! Nin na bei so I send resend my email to them HAHAAH.
Anyways.... if you ever want to reach me by email, here’s the address. meinbereich@gmail.com (for my friends who know me personaly... pls dun say my real name or email on my blog)
I read the straits times column where complain-kias go write letter to show off their english and its so filled with rubbish most of the time. Some are good la.. I must say.... but those who complain taxi driver ALL fuck up wan are the fuked up ones themselves; you think taxi driver all come out from same longkang ar?!?!?!
I think hor we need more tolerance and light-heartedness in the people. See la... work work work like dog... until the heart become WORSE than dog because dog u still can tickle the belly and play with it. but for complain kias... when u tickle their belly they go write letter to SPH and have ur backside sued for sexual harrassment or some other whiny reasons la.
Oh ya I dropped by xiaxue just now... got one of shah’s fren in the pictures! Ahahha.. his name is Yudi.... damn cute and tall. But in the picture he drunk AHAHHA.
Shah ask me go MOS one of these days... I think I going.
Tml is Sunday... he ask me go see live bands with his friends. I think i going... whee...
Anyways hor... im off to Johor now.... damn suay... I dun like go out of my social circle on days like my birthday. Make me real pek chek because suppose to enjoy and not waste the day doing nothing but cleaning up. Sianz you know what is that anot? Actually today I thought go out pak tor with Jerome but mother say we going off at 2pm to “beat traffic”... now is already 5pm and my sister nowhere to be found so simi lan jiao WASTING MY TIME! CNY eve make me so doo lan bad luck you know anot?!!?!?
Even worse.... everytime we going out as family my mother will be very gan chiong... two hrs before going off already scrambling with clothes.. asking me fill out passport... prepare clothes al these...so gan chiong to the point that when I open the door only, I kanna ambush by four sources of sound; plasma tv, my computer, sister and mother....all I not listening to.....and worse is... before my feet can go second step, my mother already drop ten words on my head. Sibeh diao.. especially whne I dunno the tv everytime so loud when she stress.
Mai gan chiong lea, mother...
Nairmind... I will keep on asking my father to send me back to singapore tml... keep asking till he pek chek and throw me back here with an airplane!
Friday, January 27, 2006
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Today got gathering again with Henry Aik and Tharik.
Nb.... every time got this kind of gathering I very depressed.
Why? Cos i dunno how my buddy henry can turn to be more suai (and very prone to attract ah gua... I know cause I want him in my bed.) from one gathering to the next.
Then there’s the aik.... one week I see him with new clothes... next week I see him with new skull structure and haircut with swee looks... he growing to be very good-looking. Must keep friendship so next time can use him call girl. HAHAHAH
Then the tharik... this week he have goatee and his sideburn turn to beard. HAAHHA
Then I look at myself and say.... “why only my lan jiao look better every week?!”
serious... i think my lan jiao cute cute lea.... not small but still cute.
Today we go watch FEARLESS. Actually I thought lame movie cos title so lame!
Can name something better? Like... NOT SCARED....?
But then got Jet Li... and it’s an ASIAN FILM!
So ok la.. go see... henry pay for me cos he remember that time in sec 2 we go stead. I stil remember ok henry? That time we kiss and hug on ur bed skali ur sister come in!
I can understand why she shocked la but I dun understand why she vomit blood. Can explain?
Anyways... the film was SIBEH CB SHIOK man!
But every good thing got bad thing rite?
So the bad thing here was that Jet Li... from chao ah beng turn into singaporean; everytime nod nod nod say good thing about the world then in the end kanna beaten up and die.
After that the rest went their separate ways. Aik go home to take care of his wife. Henry go home to stay away from his wife. And Tharik go back and work in his shop selling phone card. Tharik say his business not bad. During Sundays a lot of people come buy card. Most of them call India. HAHAHAHAHA
So I go home la. The traffic light spoil. So I anyhow do Chicken Run across the road.
As I was crossing, one old man infront of me kanna bang by small Honda car!
The Honda survived.
I got one picture show you all tonight.
See? Sly touched my camera! HAHAHAHAHAHAH
.14 days to Singapore Idol Auditions!
Before I leave, I would like to thanks all my fans hor for reading my posts. Thanks you clara, henry, tharik, aik, hasrul, april, sarah, tianyu, joyce, jia hui, sheryl, kwang wei, josephine, that guy who uses Netscape to surf, my jie jie who now in NTU and about to get married to an ah gua, my super brother Javis, lam pa chee, lam pa bu, lai chee, lao gong, lao po, tua pei kong, tua neh bu, chua chu kang, yio chu kang, ang mo kio and of course.... those I dunno reading my blog. I really thanks you all. Next time when I kanna sue for defamotary posts you all come bail me out ok?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
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15 days left to the Singapore Idol Auditions.
I can feel the tension already.
Over the week ive received call and smses and msges from my ncc juniors... from clara and sheryl... from marcus.... from hasrul....from the guys in fsv (and that’s a whole lot)... from a few of my friends in BA like Tiffany, and the biggest support ever from the people in Sly’s fan club like Phillip, Teresa and Ting. And of course... from my "best brother"... who everytime support me... everytime save my backside... everytime i get angry with..... everytime find each other int he middle of the night to meet and scold ppl mother damn suay - Javis!
So many “jia you” and “I support you all the way!” and “I believe you can do it!” came in this week.... im really really really reallllyyyyy flattered. Seriously.
I got the weirdest “support sms” from Ting today. She’s the president of Sylvestar. She sent me this, “When you’re singing, just think of Sly”.
HAHAHAHAH wah lau....
But there’s a twist here. A MAJOR twist.
NONE of them has heard me sing!
HAHAHAHAHAH so what they jia you-ing about also I dunno. But really.. they jia you jia you till i overflow..... I must go for the audition in tip top condition and at least get past the first round la otherwise my cb damn pai seh lea.....
But thena and joyce have heard me sing before la.... “bits and pieces” as thena would say. Joyce like to give me that “sleep with me tonight” look after I sing. But I dunno if that is good or bad la. HAHAHAH
Then skali today after school the gang come surround me ask me sing.
I say I ah gua and very shy. They immedietely di siao me. dot...
Actually no... I not shy wan... I just need a mic... a quiet place.... and ALL OF THEM to go away. HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Shah has been very helpful.
He last time go join Singapore Idol. But he never make it past the second round after meeting the four judges.
They say that time he “look tired”...
Shah say, “OF COURSE LA! I queue up from 1am the night before and it was raining and it was COLD!”
He said that the hardest part is the first 5 or 6 rounds where the voting system hasn’t been introduced.... cos the judges will really be in control.
Now.. if Shah.... who cb can really sing sibeh damn nice wan.... (he go club and sing ppl pay him money)....cannot even impress the judges.... then wtf abt me?!
Stacie got once tell me.... that time when Sly was in the queue... the family had to go buy jacket for Sly cos it was really cold cold cold.... so touching... irrelevant for this post la I know.. but still so touching....
Shah call one of his friend... a saxaphonist (no.. he dun do phone sex wan... he play the thing look like elephant tusk...).. the name call Leo.... or Lio.. or Lee-O (like Kopi-O.....)
So tday I got out with two of themm.. from Far East Plaza to Heeren... go shopping for my jacket to use for Auditions ... see moisturiser to fix my blardy dry hair..... help Leo give girl his number (I so thick skin... I know... the girl is odler than my sister maybe...) cos he like.... and Leo then come give me some pointers for the auditions.
So I already have two songs prepared..... I dun wan reveal yet. HAHAHAHA.....
Shah then tell me to shave my.... my thing... that thing.... that thing ..... he also dunno what to call. He wan to call beard... but is not beard... he wan to say goatee... also cannot say goatee... want to say stubles also cannot.... because my chin here very funny wan; only got five strands of hair growing HAHAHAHAHA
then below the chin a lot of little little fur... HAHAHAHA
15 days left... already so gan chiong hor?
Tml is Friday... i wan to go Kbox.... Clara, Sheryl... want to go?
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
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Okay today I become Confusion.... or is it Confucious?
I come tell you one very good advice, “Put yourself in a bed of thorns, you WILL be in a bed of thorns.”
You understand? Nairmind.. I also dunno... I anyhow say wan. hur hur.
What I trying to say today is for those who going to tertiary education.
I say hor.. we are are still young.. very young.. 16 or 17 only (next week I 18 !! can go jail, kanna hang, get sued and kanna eff upside down by boss liaoz...).
That time whne I go out of secondary school, almost everybody so happy (not happy cos I leave la!). Except for some la because some still wan to play play in sec school with little bit of hair only growing out of their lan jiao, suck up to teacher’s neh neh and say everybody love to backstab them. Those who go leave cb sec school all say, “SHIOK ARHZ! NO MORE STRESS!!!”
But cb now I see my friends..... I got plenty in BIT..... I ask them how school... some say they skip often... some say they cb damn bored... some also say they wan change course (hor, javis? Eh no.. you not in BIT.. pai seh..)
I hear also damn sian.... when they talkin talkin abt graphs and exponential booba jumba I start to use the zinger burger infront of me as a pillow.
Then got those from JC.... wah cb that one damn worse.... every week kanna exam... every week got to study.. every week got simi lan jiao common test.... then got the GDP... or GCE... or GAP... AH DUNNO LA..... the one where gahment call it as “general knowledge”. JC students very hard to make friends I think. Everytime wan to call them out they either got one of those simi lan jiao reasons or they out with girlfriend. Like that how to socialize hor? No true friends to support how to not stress?
Must be like me la... everytime talk cock I still so happy and scoring for my papers (except for that chao ginna IS module crap)
Then got those few in ITE... also no difference. I thought go ITE will be haven for them because they can everytime go smoke in class... fight all the time.... get blowjobs... lose their virginity.. become robots... dunno la.... should be something they like wan what.
But then no.... so I found out those in ITE also got heart.... got HWEE LING... because they also everytime in class shout, “sian sian sian sian sian sian” until the teacher grow fat and grey.
Then I go find out why all say sian... and my results were that MOST of them.... werent in the courses they chose la. Simple. Either that of they never check what their course has to offer. So that’s why all sianz. Gahment purposely as you choose 12 courses in the JAE... because that will meant that they can anyhow tikam you into lau sai course and say, “Eh?! You put the course in one of your choices what!” when you come complain.
Then I look at me (ya la... I’m about to hao lian....).... I in tis little course super damn cb happy till everyday will have orgasm! Or maybe because everytime pak jiew cheng? AHHAHA.
I nv go through JAE.... nv consult teacher.. nv consult anyone... both my parents also disagree with me in the media industry. But I dun care... my head damn thick. So thick that I go NS dunnit helmet.
Sergeant: WOI!! PCB where you helmet, recruit?!
Me: KAO PEI LA! You try shoot la see I die anot!
(sergeant then shoot my backside. Now I got four extra holes....HAHAH)
So I sign up for FSV... and FSV ALONE... other course I nv see... I close both eyes...
Ok l aactually I see the ppl at the booth... if suai or chio I listen to them.. If I see a nerd with many pimple on the face or a cb girl the face read big big ,”I’M ABOUT TO ACT CUTE” then I quickly run ahhahaah.
Then I got in FSV la... now I’m super happy... super super super happy. I;m enjoying my projects and friends and everything.
But you know why? Cos this is what I WANT TO DO. It’s an environment I can fit in easily.
But then I dun do this just based on interest.... Realistically... the media in singapore is growing. Very fast. We got plenty of award-winning films okay. But why you never see? Its because we know that if we show it to our local market.. it wont sell well cause you all will “HAH?! SIMI LAN JIAO was that?!” very loud in the cinema. The local market is not that mature yet. Admit it la. A little bit complain.
Anyways the point here is that if you put urself in a course you dunno anything abt.. or dun even want to embrace in the first place... most probably your tertiary education will be wasted and PAINFUL. (LOL like I know like that.. first year only..)
Then that’s where you get the Hasrul Syndrome; ppl “backstab” you, you feel so depressed, everytime kanna push dirty job, lonely, alone, wan support but everybody give you backside.
Tertiary education can be super fun I tell you. Except when you are in SP la... HAHAHA... I went there a few days ago everybody there look like rejected-JC students.... so dull... so quiet... wan to be fashion and trendy come out like Mr. and Mrs. Misfit of the Year. Walk also dunno hwo to walk.. slouching and all..
But I go temasek and nanyang poly.. WAAHHHH SIBEH FUN MAN!!!
So I tell you all going into tertiary education. Listen to Confusion the saying. Pick one you KNOW will enjoy (dun think).... dun have to everytime follow parent’s saying wan (unless you got special reason la...)... you wan fashion? Go Laselle... or NAFA cause most of us not fucking rich.
You wan media? FSV or MCM is your course. HAHHAHA....
*Ngee ann’s open house is on the 4th of Feb so now you all know the purpose of this entry? HAHAHHAHAH
Ok la another poitn here is that.... we still young.. must start building contacts now... do things you feel like doing (legal things la idiot). I told my friends I got own company.. got own job.. got own production... got meet sylvester and love talkin to his sister... got singapore idol... got talk to daphne khoo.... got see derrick hoh wei jian... got fencing... go latin dance... got touch girl... got shah... got head of GV Singapore as my principal.... got doctor V.... but then after that most of my friends turn and call me SIAO.
But you see me got I want to commit suicide anot?
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
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Monday, January 23, 2006
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So today skip school again. I missed, in total, ten hours of lectures and SUPER COLD aircon.
Wah really... its like... the Ngee Ann School of FMS aircon is super cold all the time because wan to protect equipment what. So its like.. a jacket is essential. But I very skinny and small surface area to volume ratio so get cold very easily so what I do is wear singlet, a tishirt, followed by a coat/jacket etc etc.... song ar.. like winter like that. Then I always wear high-cut shoes or sport shoes cause they very warm and my socks put high high and thick thick.
Today went polyclinic for MC. Saw a lot of weird ppl. I think I should stick to private doctor for the sake of my mental well-being. But now no money so cannot... the doctors there at polyclinic also quite xialan all the time also.
Anyways doctor found out I had sore throat (I also dunno). He put the ice cream stick in my mouth then suddenly shout, “EEYER you have a sore throat!”
.... now I know why my voice like jia lat like that.
He say dun eat chocolate... dun eat oily foods..
I must say that the days before this I keep eating MnMs.. the peanut one. I bought the big packet one from Paragon the supermarket and finished it while walkin down orcahrd road ahahhaha.
He give me lozenges to eat. Better eat.... got auditions coming up.
I walk past mac donalds.... wan to eat cannot eat. I walk past kfc... want to eat also cannot eat.
So I go home.
Now I eating popcorn with butter. HAHAHAHAHAH
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WAAHHHH CB DAMN PAI SEH!!!!
There are at least four ppl I dunno outside (they are fixing the surround sound system) and my mother.
And here inmy room I was singing “tong hua”.. super emotional and with “hwee ling”.. pose with microphone some more.
I came out of my room and everybody smiled at me.
Wtf man why why?
Then my mother smile at me and say, “One song finish already? We all heard you sing.”
WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I lost my dignity.
Ps: Clara... kbox when? LOL
Sunday, January 22, 2006
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I went out with Jerome today.
Had lunch at Marche, at the Heeren (clara nv call me!!! So I go out with my nan peng you lor.. HAHAHA)
I was having some crabfish and steak. Jerome was running his fingertips across my arm the whole time LOL.
No la he eating burger. Wtf for I also dunno. Burger so ex..
Skali he look at me (fuck la! He always love to suddenly look at me.).
I look at him.... then... then... then......
...... he say, “eh... why ur eye underneath there got black black ar?”
Black black? Wah lau eh cannot lei.. I going on tv soon lei cannot spoil face so I use the fork like mirror see my eyes...
Then I see see....
And went, “nb la!.. I nv sleep for so long liao la ok! eye tired already that’s hwy black black....”
But he nv sit down again. He quickly come to my side and pulled me off the chair... like ah beng wan to fight like that. Eh no wait.. he is ah beng already....
“kao pei la! You kanna posess by hantu liao la!”
“hah?!?! Eh jerome mai siao lei... ppl will think we gay couple~!”
But no use... he pull me across the whole restaurant.... my steak all fly here and there land into some ang moh’s cleavage. Before I kana pull out of marche, I saw the beef steak smile.
Wah sibeh happy hor you fucking steak......
Jerome call everyone siam. Everyone stare at us. Like I going to get fuck by a suai chao ah beng. Jerome call cab infront of heeren.
In the cab he shout at driver, “WEI !! CLARKE QUAY THERE ! KUAI TIAN HOR! MY FRIEND IN TROUBLE!”
The driver ball shrink. I saw wan.
I nv see taxi driver drive so fast one. Everytime I ride they go slow slow... brake here.. brake there.. make me vomit sometimes.
We reach clarke quay ler. Jerome quickly push me out.
Driver come kao pei, “OI! Pay money!”
Jerome turn back and shout, “LIMPEI CHEE HONG ARH! KANNINA!!” and dunno why.. jerome throw fifty dollars at the driver.
Then later I got drag into one shophouse. I thought die liao. Because jerome going to fuck me upside down left right centre for “undermining his intelligence and vocabulary knowledge”.
He dragging me across the floor, then he shout into the shophouse. Dunno what he shout la... sound so vulgar like that. But then again.... he always sound vulgar.
Then this old ah pek come out. He dressed in singlet and dark blue short and slippers. Botak one... and a lot of liver spots.
Uncle come say, “wei chong ar! Ah lai lai cuo chi pien...”
Jerome put me on a stool. The uncle come with a small table. Die liao... they going to take my blood and put in their body! No! cannot! I dun want AIDS!
But then uncle come with incense.. some bottles... and a few books.
Eh? Why ar?
Jerome stand beside me.
Uncle come take bottle.... he shake shake a bit.... (as in.. he shake the bottle la!) Inside I can hear like gt sticks like that.
Then he open. Is really sticks!
“come... you pick one.”
I took one stick. On it got scribble scribble. I also cant read even though I got degree in reading scribble scribble.
I ask jerome what going on.
He say, “you kana possess by bad things. Now uncle will clean you.”
“HAH?! Clean me! Eh dun wan lei!”
Siao ar I dun wan botak uncle with wrinkle skin touch my ba long long!
Uncle stare at me. He take my stick (the stick I took la! Pervert...) and look throug his book.
He flip flip flip. The book so old.. yellow already. And started tearing.
I look at jerome.
Jerome look at uncle.. waiting for something.
Finally... uncle look at me.... then look at book.. then say, “ waaahhh jia lat lei. You will die soon.”
HAH?!?!! WHERE CAN!!! I got singapore idol contest to go lei dun like that lea!
“but I can help you wan. Dun worry. I give you this paper. You put in your wallet for 3 hours. Then u take out and open. See got message or not from da tou to help you.”
Uncle give me this red paper... smal small... folded up and red in colour. I put in pocket. Jerome quickly throw another fifty dollars at uncle then we left.
But jerome still gan chiong. He pull me out... all the way to the next row of shophouses... to the cbd area there... at the river there.
Over there we sit down... never talk.. for the next three hrs. Worse than ncc day parade man!
Then he call me, “okay.. open the paper.”
I scared liao. Dunno what da tou will say.
“You open la.... I ham ji.”
Jerome move to me, “ wah lau eh you real ham ji peng la!”
I thought ham ji peng can eat wan?
Jerome take the paper.... he open....
His eyes open big big.... as big as marbles (eh marble is big already to him ok .... his eyes so small what..)
Then he whisper, “4....4....7....2....”
“eh jerome what’s this all abt?”
Jerome look at me. He wan to shout also cannot shout.
Then he drop the paper.... and slowly walk towards me.
“eh really la... this is weird...” I say.
he suddenly throw himself onto me. He damn heavy lei. I try supposrt almost broke my back. Then he started crying...
“eh why why why?”
He soot soot soot... sniff sniff sniff... wah must be sth bad!
He look at me.... still crying.. and say.....
“I lost 4d..”
CHAO CHEE BAI LA, JEROME!
Go see fortune teller for number... KANNA SAI understand anot?!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
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Last night damn sad. I took Sam out and recorded some self-porn. Very sad with what came out of it (no pun intended).
LOL
I took Sam out and did a littlte bit of singing.. played it back.. and KANNA SAI !!!!
Like cb ah gua kanna pinch in the backside! A mixture of g-spot pleasure and anal blisters!
Ok la so maybe I was pushing myself because for the past 4 hrs before that I was talkin and talking.... and I ate loads of crap...
(sang again today.... fuck la..... damn pissed with myself.... shouldn’t have ate those sugar nuts...seriously man... i feel like not takin part in Singapore Idol....)
Anyways...
Today went to do my service as a Sly fan. Wheee.... on the 5th there’s another event.. and i’m going as well.....
Ppl ask.. why am I doing this?
Well... if u really need to noe.. deep down inside.. I’m so lonely that I cry myself to sleep every night to bed... wishing I had a friend.. or a brother.... to tlak to and play with everynight. I figured I need someone.. so I made up an imaginary friend and we did get into plenty of cool discussions. But one day my friend had to leave... but he said he’ll return, as a real person. Suddenly.. 6 months later.. i saw a face so familiar. It was my friend! He’s returned! I saw him everywhere! On 711 posterboards... on drink cans.. on teethe whitening products... just so happened that my friend has, actually, manifested into Sylvester Sim Xiang Long!! And thus began my journey to support my friend in his endeavour. Sadly.. my friend doesn’t remember me. The reincarnation process has caused some parts of his memory cells in his brain to degenerate.. which meant I was nothing more but a so called “fan”. But as a friend, and I rmemeber what happned before he was turned into a real person, it’s only fair I support him.
LOL LOL LOL WTF man!!!!!!!!
Actually... I lke the whole beng image.... real cool... (it’s a guy thing...)
I really need a place to practice; I have a sister at home who starts criticizing unconstructively before i get the first three words out.
Hey just because you’re a model/singer/uni-undergraduate/actress/waitress/daughter/babu-singh doesn’t give you the right to criticise okay....
(play play only la... u touch me I smash the freaking exercise ball on ur face again...) You know... i dun feel lonely when i say myself as a Sly fan. I took a cab to Temasek Poly and the driver and i were talkin talkin... real cool... then i told him i was going to Sly's event. He jumped up (in the car. yar. now his taxi gt sunroof) and excitedly claimed, "Sylvester?! I picked him up once! he had his guitar along... put in back seat... he very nice person... very handsome also. not arrogant." lol... sly rawks~
Some pics...... the crowd at NYP was MMMMAAAAAAADDDDDDDDNNNNNEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!
But the audio person was a fag.... the speaker sux la! Go and change! Spoil the songs only..... sly’s mic was crackling and all that.
And one guy was holding the same camera I was holding... well at least my looks more spuffy; mic and all.... lol...
You know... going around with my camera has always given me some sense of authority... power that I don’t have if sam isnt up and running.
So with this power... I did the impossible... gasp!
I went up to the stage. LOL... everyone else was lining up I just climbed up and started recording. I consulted Phillip first and he said, “nvm la.. just say you’re frm the fan club.”
Swee la!
Btw... Phillip bought that jacket for Sly... it’s size S.... haahhahahahah
But seems like some people very xia lan with cameraman.
I dun even know wht fucking sex this person is..... but she/he is cb damn xia lan! Nb.... and her/his friend also in same boat.. can see by the face....
Nb..... anyone know them? Can help me check what sex Xia Lan Kia is? HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA so after tht Sly went off with one of his friends... i hung around NYP till abt six (th ehting ended at 230..) with Phillip, Sly's dad, Teresa and her family.... and... and.. and.......... STACIE!!!!! lol she's really so cool to talk to...... the only 12 year old i wanna hang out with hahahahaha. one of our conversations abt sly was on how to beef him up. Teresa showed me a cd with David Tao on it and said, "sylvester should at least tone, hor?". then i had this conversation with Stacie and suddenyl she turned and told her father, "papa... audi said kor kor should build muscle..." my backside start to cramp and my eyes open big big...... 0.0 .... (i scared what...) ok end....
Friday, January 20, 2006
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I was walking down at bukit timah plaza today.. waiting for uncle sadrick.....until....
.... I saw UFO COME FROM SKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I woke up....
Zzz.... uncle sadrick late so I accdentally slept.... LOL LOL..
Anyways yes I had some vocal training lessons today. It was teribly difficult at first... because he has three kids, al in pri sch, running about and all of them nyek nyek nyek until buay tahan. Actually no la... only one... the rest all eager to hear what their father has to say to me. That one boy is probably gay too...
Sadrick asked what song I were to sing....i told him, “uh... Tian Mimi?”
He stare at me....
My lau sai turn to porridge. Die liao.
HAHAHA.......
Ok la I told him, “Hero... by mariah carey....”
And he started singing.... then his kids join.... buay pai seh meh? Surprisingly.. no one in the coffeeshop look at us...
“ uh.. then. Um.. canyou feel the love onight by elton john....”
And he startes singing the tune.... banging the table... kids do the same... ... .... wah lau australians really buay pai seh arh?
“and umm... I dunno... I think.... when a man loves a woman... by dunno who...”
And this time he sang powerfully to the tune... as in... si beh brave and went ahead to sing... right there in the coffeeshop.
Okay... so maybe this means freedom of speech. Australia got. Singapore dun have.
Uncle then went ahead to tell me the basics.. breathing... and which song to sing to display my prowess.
He say dun sing elton john because he ah gua and adviced me to sing “hero” because it has a better tune. Ok lor...
Then it went on to presentation.... bla bla bla.. and his eyes open big big when I told him the judges were KEN LIM and DOUGLAS OLIVIERO.
One of his son asked why he so shocked...
Uncle ssadrick took a deep breath. And looked at his son, “You know.. uncle khalid and I have been working for years at holiday inn.. of course we know douglas o...”
Swee la..!! LOL....
Uncle then told me that douglas o would always be looking for stage presence ad presentation and ken lim would be after voice quality.
So I guess the other two or three judges extra la. HAHAHAHA
Anyways so after that uncle sadrick brought me into his car at the basement. And inside his white corolla altis.... he coached me.
So there were all of us... in a car.... in a car park... singing our hearts out.
He told me dun do this this this... do that that that... and he call me not to sing like chinese.
Hah sing like chinese?
“ you would sing from your nose sometimes...”
Orh like guang liang la.... LOL
So after everything... it was fun... damn pai seh la... but its fine. He say pitching okay... rendition was interesting... mumbling a bit but that was fixed....
Overall.... I think... he hates me. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Ahahahaha!!! He said my rendition of “hero” would most probably be able to get me past the auditions... but ive gotta work on more things like presentation (my chao face lar!) and personality (dun be like ah gua... and mai pai seh la...)
He told me to get a camera .. record my self..... play back.. show mother show father show to internet... LOL... which I’ll do la but I wont show to anyone HAHAHAHAHAHA.
After he dropped me off at bukit batok mrt... then i got see chio bu – big butt... profound chest... quite tall....walk like swan.... ... then I think....
... remind me of hasrul....
EEEE so I go home sleep.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
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Whee another run in with luck.
I’m telling you... though I don’t contact my dad or have a substantial relationship with him... what he has built up from his time on this earth has realy really really benefited me... like.. the camera... the contacts.. the luxury.. the hotel.... (I so love Holiday Inn Kuching..)
I just got off the phone with Uncle Sadrick.. a friend of my dad.
It’s confirmed... he’s my vocal teacher! Hahahahaah and for free! and it starts tml straiught after schooL! (and my class is frm 9am to 11am. jealous?)
Singapore Idol.... here I come! I sang “Hero” for fun infront of thena and he ask me dun stop cos he having orgasm just listening to it. I sang “There With You” (sly’s song~!) to Javis and he also kanna orgasm.... and then he hug me and we had great hot sex~!
(and then on the 11th of feb I don’t get in. damn pai seh lei....)
School’s ending soon.. and im flunking studies! Whee!
Seriosuly.. the stupid IS module is crap.... stop calling me, you fucktards!
Teacher said.. for our oral presentations.. which is the usual façade of “blogging is evil, yo” or “gahment hen swee!” topics..... we “must wear formal hor... and speak good engrish!”.
Screw that la.. I’m going there with my jeans, converse shoes, white singlet and classy jacket together with my ah beng chain. Who cares abt the neh neh talkin behind the desk. Her checkered attire so makes her look like a box with limbs.
Joyce complain abt me liaozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
We had this sweet moment in the tv studio.. infront of the camera (but we off air la.. im cameraman what..) and she started crticizing my new attire. Lol.. new attire..
Cos now .... I wear converse shoes and a silly silver chain hanigng frm my belt line that has no practical use (though I think it looks sexy.. ) !! Otherwise still with jacket and all that. (seriously.. ive been wearing like that even BEFORE i met Sly... where gt copy him!?!?!?!? this whole week kanna suan for shaking hands with sly... zzz.)
(oh ya.. happy bday sly!)
She say..”you know that your bling bling is soooo uh-glee?”
“hah.. why?”
“I mean it should have gems...”
“gems?”
“ok la. Diamonds.....”
“DIAMONDS!"
“No no no... uh...those shiny shiny things la!”
“ok I understand.. but for what?”
“cos its lke.. now.. you like ...(pause).... beng....”
(pause....)
“uh.. what’’s wrong with that?”
“cos firstly you’re not a gangster....”
(lol but my friends are... look at jerome and javis...)
“...and you just look so beng la.. and that’s so.. urgh....! I hate your bling blings!!!”
“since when were these chains bling blings~! Joyce!!!!”
what;s wrong with being beng la...................................... anyone can say why?
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I think next month ill bleach my hair. HAHAHAHAH
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
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Went out with jerome today... purposely skipped school because thoday’s one full day (as in.. frm 8am to 12pm haha) of the silly-est module ever~~~~~~~~ INTERDISCPLINARY STUDIES!!!
Wtf is up with them man.. they said thy’re gonna teach some contemporary issues anda ll that crap but all I get are narrow minded opinions frm ppl that are SOOOOOO full of themselves.... and as usual.... unreasonable markers... fuck la I kana my first F in my whole life because the stupid lan jiao mark the paper like sai. Its like... she follows the marking scheme word for word and if you don’t have this this or this sentence.. YOU DIE.... even though you use logical english transitions like “even so...” ....
Nb.. so nvm... she doo lan me last week today I doo lan her ahahahaha siao..
Everybody else got either a D or an F anyways so obviously she’s in the wrong.
Anyways today in the mrt was an eye opener.... jerome and I supposed to go somewhere see char bor (he’s like that.. everytime go out to fuck....) so we took the train...
Him and I were talkin talkin at the “couple seat” at the end of the train (you know... I noticed that the ends of the trains always have a high quota of malays and indians.... the centre full of old ppl and gan cheong kias.... the near middle ends are the teenagers....) about his beng stories (damn cool... I like...)
Suddenly he stopped talkin aand started to whisper. Why? I dunno that time..... I thought he smell lau sai or what cos beside us got on bangla open his arm big big..
Then he say....”eh... that guy lan jiao coming out...”
I look at the bangla...
“not him la! The one infront of us”, he whispers...
Pai sei la... stereotyping only what...
So I looked at the ppl infront of me...
A couple... one boy the other also boy (LOL)
Jerome whisper somemore..... ask me see where where and where.... so I zoom in with my eyes, scan, focused, printed and saved to memory.. then digitize and render.... then WHAHAHAHAAAHAH
The boy on the left got his little baby boy hanging frm his shorts!
This boy was abt.. wht.. 15? I think frm one of those “top schools” la.. because these schools always make their boy boy where small and short p.e shorts... the principal chee ko pek one...
So happens that this boy never sit properly so his little brother also hang out to sun tan. LOL..... uncut, yellow... and.. full of CHEESE!!!! (ok no la.. no cheese..)
Jerome and I satrted laughing and laughing. We laughed so loud the train stoped and the driver opened his door and looked at us frm the driver’s cabin. LOL.
The boy woke up.. his tennis racket dropped... so he picked it up... arrange his bag bla bla bla and put it on his lap.. his bird now in the shadows.. but after a while. Jerome and I saw that it was slowly erecting... HAHAHA... morning glory!!!!
Dots man.. someone must learn to wear underwear...
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
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Okay get this... mr. larry sim is the assistant chairperson for sylvestar.com.
Three days into the fan club and I feel so comfy already. Phillip told me loads about Sly.. like.. how sly would be teasing Phillip (phillip’s like.. 40 over years old..) on trips like that... then sly having phillip in his house..
Wow man.. one of sly’s favourite actor is Stephen Chow... 0.0 Kung fu hustle, anyone?
And sly has like.. 8 guitars in his room and can play the piano~~~~ (sheryl... gonna learn piano now? Got beth right? LOL)
Phillip told me to brace myself once sly’s second cd (his first cd was nice, in all honesty. Serious.) because that’s when there’ll be events and promotions and autographs and stuff every week... real cool... Sam the cam’s gonna BBBUUUURRRRNNNN!!!!
You know.. I told the guys in poly abt the whole sly thingy and WOW MAN!!!
EVERYONE DISSED ME.
Haaha ba long long but thena didn’t even knew Sly had an album. Whahahaah. Dunno head or tail dun nyek nyek nyek la....
(really.. whole day kanna suan by them... what I do.. wht I wear.. all somehow related to sly... nb...)
Really.. i’m not ashamed or anything.. though a bit proud... lol...
Sly is like... ok la ok la I stop talkin abt him... it’s fun to have him around yar?
Lol imagine one day im sitting in class or in Bk with Henry and aik.. I get a call.. then it goes...
“hello?”
Henry aik continue talking......then..
“yar this is me........... ehh sly ar~? Hey hey yeah... oh tml ar?.... yeah I think can... ill come down with my camera.....”
Henry aik look at me... aik give the doo lan face as usual when I mention “sly”...
“arh? School ar? Nvm la.. I think tml lecture will be boring.. so its ok... how long? Till 5 am? Where ar?........... ohh clubbing at MOS? U think they allow recording?”
Aik rolls his eyes...
“ooo... private party? Lol sly you damn power.... hah what’s that? You want to teach me guitar?”
LOL... ok ok let’s imagine me with a conversation with BoA...
“hello.... oh boa ar?”
Aik turns.. wide eyed....
“hah? Ni da cuo le..... ah mei guan xi la... bye bye...”
Aik stares.... and begins to cry.....
LOL
.
Fuck la... I’ve neglected henry and aik.....nvm... when my allowance comes I splurge it on them... give them surprise dinner.
(psst.. who votes for me to speak in normal english again??????? Leave a comment!)
(psst... another vote... who believe I apply for Singapore Idol?????!!!!!! Leave comment also hor....)
Monday, January 16, 2006
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WAAAHHHHHHH DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!
Wednesday pass up what?
Stupid IAC module family geno-cide-gram (tutorial lead by a really chio lady.. u can catch her on one of the mediacorp channels....too bad I dunno her name LOL)
Thursday pass up what?
2nd draft of story
Studio pro thingy
Something something
Another something.
Friday pass up what?
Flash assignment
Singwei’s storyboard...
Gathering with my Henry and Aik!!!! And the tharik..
Saturday do what?
Go to TP and NYP to see stacie!!!..... .... .... oh and record sly’s event. =p =p (you rawk, sly~!)
Go clubbing. LOL jk jk... KBOX with CLARA!!! Wait.. I haven ask (clara... can anot?)
Sunday do what?
Out with singwei for location scouting again.
School will end soon. YAY.... like... three more weeks?
Eh.... I have a secret. Want me to share?
Sunday, January 15, 2006
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Hello sheryl...
Lol I told sheryl the surface of my “one day attachment with Sylvester Sim” and all her “7 holes started bleeding”.
Ok bragging time....
*before I start... let’s make it clear that im all to him as a mandarin artiste... not english. Okay? Set? Lai lai wo men qu kan chio bu (let’s go eat peanuts hur hur)...
Go bishan. See Sly sing. Fans shout till my backside burst.
Met Phillip... da tou of sylvestar.com. know xiang long family very well.
Phillip intro me to Sly papa, mr. larry sim.
Saw Stacy... Sly’s youngest sister.
Phillip ask me go follow them to Tampines mall, where second event held.... with sly’s dad’s car (sly cannot drive... )... whee.... met Auntie Theresa. Look like mrs teng, sound like mrs. Teng, maybe is really mrs. teng hor?
Met with two of Sly’s sec sch friends... his “brothers”, understand? Both smoking.
Go carpark... all those above 18 smoking. LOL
Zoom zoom to tampines.... heard sly kanna “cut” (LOL you believe me?)
Tampines mall... nb they still putting up the stage.
Talk a bit with mr. sim. He damn supportive father. Almost all the events his son go ar... he follow... and nv take mc also. He also say sly hen hao de... err... son. Got money give family... buy things for sisters... buy things for parents. Wah... perfect role model liao... (I should stop talking like this, right?)
Sly go onstage... mr. sim recording on his camera... I go chiong the front (because some girl with a fat head was blocking).... and.. gasp!.... got Olinda kissing Sly! Wah siao... after the thing everybody come to me and worship me.... they want the video ma....
Then went over to sly’s bday party held by the fanclub (obviously.. everyone there are either old people or young teenage girls.). This was at Villa Marina.
Sly came... he smoking. With his other three friends. Lol.
Stacy sing the entire karaoke cd of S.H.E. damn chio... and nice voice.
Bla bla bla... sly look at me... I look at him... I nod.. he nod... -.- (then what? go to him hug ar?)
Ba long long in karaoke room. One of the fans started singing.. I got up and left the room. Then go up to rooftop party area thingy la.
Sly over there... both of us stealing glances (,maybe cos im not screaming his name? LOL)
Got my camera.. looka t food... talk here talk there..... put camera on table... sly moved in... I say,”hey sly”.. he say hello... then I left my cam there.. he play with coins.... LOL
Nothing much la then.. record him singing karaoke... said hello to his friends....
I ask phillip for marker pen.. he gave... then I go to sly... ask him sign my jacket. Everybody eyes open big big.... why? I also dunno. But after that, people started swarming around me... like want to be hao peng you like that.
Play with stacy a bit. She say me cute. I say her cute. But she say me cute again. So we fight see who cuter. LOL
Saw sly in singlet.... saw his tattoos.... woootz!!!!! Go beng!!
I was eating Stacy’s bday cake... then suddenly a lot of ppl from one corner call me. I ask what they want. They say “he is calling you”. I accidnetally di siao the “him” by saying, “who is he?”........ they all shout back, “Sylvester lah!”.. Pai seh...
Sly play with my camera... he go one round recording ppl. After that more people started coming to me for the video. Dots.
PR for fan club ask me be their cameraman... I ask them wht I do.. they say record all events.. backstage.. bla bla bla... duh.. I agreed.
Sly did the short of his tattoos (it’s playing down there...)
Hmm.. wht else? Nothing much... pack up things.... sly and his friends left in a car with plate number..... XXXX (they go MOS for clubbing)
Went home lor.... Stacy keeps calling me cameraman... dot.. she wants to see me again. She say one! Nvm I aslo want to see her...
Fans still bugged me for the videos. Zz man... one said, “wah lau I jealous of you.. you suddenly come with camera get Sly for yourself.” . wei wei.... it’s all about how you present yourself, okay.
Sleep.....
So sheryl... still bleeding? HAHAHAHAHA nvm la ill get that signature for you.
haha... sly rawks, man.. his personality is just out there. 
Sly and one of his sec shool friends. 
one of his tattoos... yes.. he is very friendly and open. Character like donald (when he's in a controlled playful mood) sometimes. =p . Oh ya.. my picture above is not skewed... sly is REALYL that flat....
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