Kam Siah.....
Thursday, March 30, 2006 | 0 comments  
If you havent seen it yet, Ive posted up Kuching Trip Day Four- the beach. Have a look see. :)

One of the reasons why I hate going overseas even if its just two days or somehting is the surprise when I reach home and lunge back on to social life.

Every single bloody time I come back I get news that this guy fight with this guy. That guy backstab this guy. This couple want to break. This and that. Some people buay song. Some go drinking some go fight. Na beh.

And for some people... just because you were gone for a while, dun talk within that period of time, somehow there’s this bloody mental change and you dun talk to each other as often as you did before you left. Its irritating at times. Im just lucky the people im surrounded with arent that screwed up.

So when Javis called last night at around 9 pm, asking me out, I just felt so relieved. He’’s one of those who doesn’t mind my usual slew of profanities and blind cursing all night long.

As usual kenny the chee kor pek was also around. The three of us never fail to talk about things below the belt. Lmao and before you girls say we’re sick perverts (ok... acutally.. only one of us are. And its not me.) then please ar.... all guys talk abt sex within themselves. You girls also, rite? Dun kei siao.



Vis says he’s not beng. But only because he doesn’t have a gang. Lmao see he from far noe its beng already la. Last time he big shot boy beng. But then in Sec three after he tio the Best Cadet award for the whole of Specialist course, he turned over a new leaf.

He permed his hair the day before. Now from Xiao_bEng become Xiao_mEi. I ask him go straighten back.



Spent all the way till midnight at block 925 there.. at the kopitiam... smashing cockroaches.

My family and other people I dunno love to criticise the people I hang out with. Some say im trying too hard to be someone im not. Some say they are bad people and wun have good life. Some have even gone SOOO extreme to say that im like a traitor or something. I find this very narrow. Are they trying to say that whoever THEY are hanging out with are the most holistic there is? Bullshit. I rather stay with my brother brother at kopitiam than sit under the block play guitar.


Kenny ham ji kia dun wan to jio girl. Lmao. But vis said when clubbing he is the hot one because he noe how to dance. If liddat I also can be hot one! I learn LATIN DANCE lei!!!! HAHAHAHA. Can shake my backside damn well!

Latin dance in clubbing.... wtf become techno dance ar.

The rest is history la. I stayed on with Vis after kenny left. Stay until 2am liddat. Had our usual buddy buddy talk. Because he can talk that’s why I like him.
My mother keep calling and calling I diao the calls hahaha. Wah liew she suspect I got girlfriend lei! Scared I go eat her tofu! Ma de.... !!

Last time hor she will take my phone when I sleepign and check all my messages. Then after will come scold me I got girlfriend la this and that. Nb she wan me be gay ar? My sister got steady since sec school okay! Then me cannot!?! Im a guy!

Even worse ar when she found out that my girlfriend all chinese. I tell you it sparked a whole hoobla and I kanna drilled about Malay etiquettes and bla bla bla. My father also damn doo lan. But I very stubborn boy. In the end my father give and say that I can have any girlfriend... alien also ok... but she must be muslim. Ok lor. But I still think he not happy.

Wait till I get pretty north indian wife then he noe! HAHAHAH



Ok I’m off to Johor for a while. Will take picture of the house since some of u asking for it.
Posted by Audi
Kuching Trip - Journey Home
Wednesday, March 29, 2006 | 0 comments  

EDIT: Added Kuching Trip Day Four. Scroll down. wayy down. oops. too down already. not shiok. up a bit. aaa... ok... previous posts. Well done!


Only got about three hours of sleep last nite. I really need to find an efficient way to blog. Three to five hours is taxing.

“we’re lieaving at 915. Go bathe”

I got up and threw everything I could find into my luggage.

Then dragged myself into bed again. Lmao.

Had a sweet dream as usual. All those funny adventures we’d have with out close friends that kinda stuff.

I heard th emain door clicking. My dad’s back!

“AUDI! HAVE YOU BATHED?!” and I can hear his pants noise comng.

Suddenly I become like the energizer rabbit. Quickly jump to bathroom, and from mad monkey become like thief, quietly closing the door, pulling ht ehandle down and letting it slide easily into the door hole. And a slow controlled turn of the knob.

“AUDI! I TOLD YOU TO BATHE ALREADY RITE?!”

“YA LA IM BATHING!”

Lmao.

This morning in Kuching was wet. Super wet. I think it was one of those flash-flood inducing kinda rain that has a lot of thunder and stuff. The hotel was damn bloody cold. Too bad I didn’t have any jackets.


The rain was so bad that this hotel staff used the beach umbrella to walk around.

Kuching roads arent as good as singapore. Drains are not covered - they are actually huge one-storey deep long kangs. And power lines run across everywhere. So whenever this kind of rain comes, Kuching gets flooded.


I think kuching sad I going. HAHAHA. Its ok..i also sad.

Going back alone again today. Mother left the day before. The driver sent me today while me dad was on the front seat. Liew.. I hate seating at the back.

My dad was hurrying me. Scared I was late for the flight. So there wasn’t any time to look around the newly renovated airport. And wah liew the aircon so damn cold. The whole time my hair erected.

I got the window seat again. My father bid me farewell and off I went.

Then I checked the time.

I had an hour ten minutes before my flight. KNNBCCB!

Even my plane hasn’t touched down yet!

Spent the time in the boarding room looking at ppl. I saw one Sylvester look alike. But a more nerdy kind. Sly is still one and only HAHAHAHA.

And then got this old man look like Mr. Chan keep staring at me. Since Mr. Chan I also dun like so I stare back at him until he buay song sit somewhere else. PwnZ! Think he got big jacket means big ar can stare at ppl! I more big ok! No jacket and the whole time erection come and go, you can tahan anot?!

Finally my plane came. All the water splash here splash there like my fat friend when he jump into the pool.

Pretty soon the groudn crew sarted swarming around the plane like commando wan to rape (or is it “raid”? =p ) the plane. Only without guns la.

They quickly put bricks at the wheels... open up the underside hatches.. one person climb in and disappear, another over there ba long long stand underneath an opening which warm air was blowing through and mini cars came along to collect the baggage.

This picture got hidden meaning. MAS actually quite corrupted. Because it is gahment owned, so this means gahment ppl work there. The MAS boss also get headache because when he wan to fire the big fat ugly sweaty person who never do his work and only know how to walk around criticise ppl, wan to fire also cannot. You know why? Cos he is so and so’s son. Of course, the MAS boss doo lan la. Because of incompetant staff like big fat man, that’s why some companies arent perfomring as well as they should. But its okay... they are still going beyond expectations.

I learn somehting new today while watching the crew.

Airplane can refuel from wing! So this means that now... the plane is more ar risk. Cos last time if hit wing is ok. Plane just drop frm sky. But this plane if the wing kanna hit, we all explode become mutton curry!

Time to board. I found my seat. First thing I sat down, look outside wan to take picture.....

Nae boo they give me the seat above the wing. HOW TO SEE?!?!?!

So this means I cant take picture of bikini girl on Changi beach. Diaoz.

I take revenge wit the airline.


Lmao. I see the safety demo I also wan to try..... (if u still blur, that is a lifejacket.)

But its ok. Today there was a stweardess who was blardy damn pretty! She looks like Shi Xian from North View. Look a bit like bird... a bit like human.... like that. And whooo some more the stewardess uniform hug body wan so I see her figure I like. HAHAHA.... and when she was doing the safety demo, she put her things on the chairs next to me. When she bend down I see her neh neh!! HAHAHAHAHAH ok ok I stop.

The plane take off. Soon, the clouds cover everything and visibility was at 10%.

I scared everytime the plane enters the cloud. Not beause of turbulence. No. I LOVE turbulance... very shiok!

But im scared that sometimes we see things in the clouds that we dun wan to see.


May the power of Christ compel you!

I slept through out the whole journey. Whne I woke up the plane was twenty metres off the ground. No time take picture again.


I landed in Japan!..... ok no wait... its just Singapore girl group acting japanese.

So here I am. In Singapore. Where I live.

Some people like to suan me. They call me go back Malaysia when they buay song. Like as if being malaysian is a bad thing. And some more, I am NOT malaysian! Limpei born in Toa Payoh Hospital Ward 6 ok! Everytime I hear like this ar I damn doo lan. Like fucking big doo lan ok! Sometimes i wan to suan back like.... for example... scold them that at least I have property in malaysia and they dun, so ask them go sit under their block play guitar all day but no. I keep my mouth shut.

Kuching is my home. But Singapore is where I live. This is where my office is. (ofice? Simi office? Lol im a freelancer, remember?) ... this is where my brother brother all stay. My cat all over here. I form my perceptions mostly over here. So of course, I live here.

It’s a sense of relief for me whenever I see all the road signs that you cannot pronounce because they are all abbreviations.

I dunno what the hell SLE and TPE stands for. KNN I noe stand for what and NKF stands for cute little girl girl from primary school or ACBC girl frm secondary school; Never Kanna Fuck.

First thing I come back I sms Henry. Say his camera miss him. Lmao he never reply. Nae boo.

This trip has been fun. The staff in HIK still remember me and that is very happy already cos the past two years I bring my friend back, always make them pek chek with the bill.... the food... the attitude so on and so forth. Very pai seh.

And sometimes I go around and some auntie will shout, “EHH!!! ARE YOU AUDI?!?!?!”

“uh.. yeah..”

“DO YOU REMEMBER ME????”

Then must look.. first I look at breast... then I look at eyes. Why breasts? Sorry la... natural reaction.

“sorry but I dun.”

“I carried you when you were young!! Oh gosh you sure have grown!”

Repeat for the next twenty thousand aunties. Suddenly I feel like I was used for a “Pass the Parcel” game for birthday parties.

Im coming back to Kuching again soon. Since I couldn’t find the time to do anything nature. (So I put on weight. Sianz.). Trying to bring some guys back as well because travel alone quite wasting if you dun have anyone lasting to enjoy it with.

Going to Mulu caves... Santubong... river kayaking....... should be fun. School starts in a month.

Guess its time to return to being that act-beng who slaps Tharik everytime he say something stupid. Back to normal, as they say. Blending into society.

I think I wana eat KFC later. Anyone wan? I treat.
Posted by Audi Labels: ,
Kuching Trip - Day Six
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 | 0 comments  
THe last few days have been really draining for me. There was that walk around the beach... then the heavy dinners and food huntings. I travelled along the border of Indonesia for a bit as well.

Today is the last day ill be in kuching. Its monday, the first day of the week (if u're modern. otherwise its the second).

I did a visit to my old school, Lodge Preparatory School and Kindergarden.

I entered Lodge in Grade 1, when i was seven. THat's like.. a decade or so ago. After which left for Singapore under mother's orders in fear that i will not "fit in" during NS. Too bad the ocmpany i'm fitting ion now isnt what she had hoped. To her, I made friends with the enemy or sth like that.

ANyways Lodge, to me, was the best school around. Education was under the British so we followed everything the British did. Meaning it wasnt book drills everyday and constant memorizing.. liek how SIngapore is. Imnot saying singapore is evil or anything but jsut that im so accustomed to learning by doing in Lodge. While Donald was learning fractions and algebra in primary school i was learning maths with the ABACUS and the history of Britain like the Vikings and Anglo Saxons and King something something which had something to do with Wessex. Oh oh and Guy Fawkes. The drawings scared me.

Lodge was divided into two schools; Lodge Senior and Junior. Basically the Junior school, in my time, held those frm Kindy to Grade 3 (that's pri 3), formr both the national stream (ang moh and cute japanese and handsome koreans bla bla) and intertantional stream (malaysians). THe senior held Grade 4 all the way to Form 5 (that's sec 5. We no graduate at form 4 cos we is SPM takers).

HOw today i came back to school and my heart dropped and crumbled and now its fertilizer for tau ghey.


ITs was around 430.... school just finished (last itme we ended at three.)

I tell you... the school today is in HORRIBLE shape.

simply disgusting.


Fomr the centre courtyard. I think its still the original paint. but now its grimy and moldy and all that. THere are cracks on some walls as well. And is not paint cracks... its CEMENT CRACKS. I told u Kucing nv take care of buildings.


I had this section of the second floor for my Grade 5 classes. Last time there was this little shoot of plant growing. THough its not there now.... but wtf look at the CRACKS!

I think there was this story of someone jumping off this second floor. She landed on her legs, and her entire thigh went up to her hips.

I met a teacher here. It was by pure luck. Earlier i was planning of coming early. BUt it dragged since dad washeld in a meeting. SO i wanted ot cancel. Thank God i did. I was about to run into the school from the front but i entered frm the back instead and met this teacher.

He was on his phone... he saw me... walked abit, immeditely glanced back and shouted.

"EH YOU!"

na beh... i thought even over here i can get in trouble for takin pics.

I turned around. Eh! he looked familiar!

"ARENT YOU FROM HERE?!"

OMG HE KNEW ME! and omfg he has NV thought me before.

Here's a picture. See if u ex-Lodgians would recognise. He looks like that Jap actor, Watanabe, who acted in Memoirs of a Geisha and Last Samurai.


We talked. A LOT. liek old friend! he has been teching in lodge for 15 years. I asked how ome he remmbered me.

"Oh! because last time you were..... tsk. you were......"

I was hoping he was gonna say sth abt me drawing comics or being naughty (i broke many glass windows while wrestling in class. Vanilla was a prefect and she LOVED bitching abt me to teachers).

".... you were.... from Red House right! You were in sports day many times!"

omg la of all things he remebers me frm sports day. Cos in Lodge they choose who to run for sports day. Apparently he was the Red House master ( i was a Red guy) for 8 years. SO he remmebered me.

After all i was playing basketball.....(filling up space. lmao. ppl throw ball at me i throw back.)

ill save the sotry for later posts. THis teacehr is damn happening.

As usual i didnt get his name. But he has my number. He is a VERY important contact.


This is the backside of the canteen. I always sat down here with a friend of mine, Shaun, catching earthworms or eating kway tiaw (yes, sitting with legs int he drain). omg it used to be soo much cleaner. Behind the fence was a thick forest. Also got ppl living! Now its been cleared and i heard they gonna build a shophouse. THis is called waste money.


Took a turn at the hall. aa this is where Mrs Au always drill me for dunno how to play basketball or me always notti take wet tissue and throw on the ceiling (or friends. haha). But then again she like princess on her chair. Surrounding by cotton!

... tissue la! all used tissue filled with her snot. if u recycle her tissue for every PE lesson, you can make one logbook.


THis is the hall. Everyone will come here every teusday to sing national anthem (i was singing "Negaraku". Sorry ar Lee Kuan Yew.) and talk cock sing song. Also, this is my pai seh moment when i was playing wrestling and my long pants tear (and i was using cute pink underwear), and it was so big that three pins also not enuf to cover the thing. Worse ar, i sit rriittteee behind the "hairless classes" group. So all the ppl got hair behind can see my clean smooth backside.


This is the hall ont he right, and the extended block on the left. I watched this block build form a hole in the ground to this algae infested building. The basketball court used to be a field..... but the grass always cannot grow so playing soccer was like u playing on Mars... very rocky and a lot of hidden holes. Thats why now i pro when walking through the Yishun Field infornt of Northpoint; from the shade of the grass i know where got deep hole. Also this was where i learn to play softball. I gues it was good they built a basketball court la. Lodge is famous for bball now and last time the field got snake.

YOu see the top-right most class? That's my last classroom. My Grade 6 classroom. All the pneumonia story... all the wrestling story.. all the glass breaking.. all the thumbtacks on floor then i kanna body slam on it and all the glue i pour in the ants nest story all over there.


Notice board infornt of the hall. Depressing. Notice board become art display board.


Btw, this is my Grade 4 classroom. This was where i started drawing comics, and my teacher Mrs. Michael saw me draw draw and she started this whole buzz and ask me draw for school magazine. And every story has a sad side. THis is the last time i met my friend from Cebu, Phillipines. His name is Ian. We like brother brother like that will fight, scold, talk abt erections, talk about sex (long time noe abt sex already lor....) and try sex (no la LOL). Everynight well be on the phone talkin and talkin. Best soem more is that his sisters is my sister's good friends so it was all complete. After he left we wrote letters (yes.... write and put stamp and send then wait one week for reply.) Now no more already. He died in fishing accident. :S

Anywys the class now is a blardy PING PONG ROOM!! na beh i come see throught the windows and children over there ping pong ping pong.

btw vanilla... u remember we had this topic for geography... the one about water bodies like lakes? THen we had to make this model of the water bodies? I remember u make plasticine ais kachang when u supposed to make mountain and the river coming form the top to the sea! muahaha then my grp's model scored the best. Four of the naughtiest kids in class scoring higher than you smarty pants girls.

and yes..... i kept the model.




Squashed and dusty (lol.... 8 years of dust.)... but still alive.

I have no freakin idea where my habit of keeping momentos came about... but i think im a bit too extreme. I have a strand of Henry's hair that i pulled in 2002, wrapped up in plastic and locked in a chest. eh wait where you all going?! IM NOT A FREAK!

Anways i asked the teacher why isnt the school painting itself?!??!

he inched closer to me and went, "You sponsor la. I knowu very rich."

what the~~~~~~~~!!! pls la Lodge's school fees are already like university fees like that (malaysian university fees HAHHAHA) and so many of the Dato' and DAtin children studying there la! Somebody sucking up money aarrrr.....




Just goes to show how much damage this school is going through. THe pipe looks like something from That Goblet of Fire charcter. The one with the magic 8 ball for an eye.


This was the very spot i got in the biggest big ass trouble before i left for Singapore. I was throwing rocks at my friend who was standing near the car there (YES I KNOW! I WAS NAUGHTY!) and duh la some stones hit the Proton Wira that was that.

and i tell you... some ass went to call the teacehr who owned that car and when she came by ar.... she shouted and soon i was alone. na beh my friends all run away. She saw the scratch on her car door (and it was a SMMALLLLL SCRATCH! so small that my littlebrother last time also bigger.). YOu know what she say?

"YOu have to pay me RM300 for the damage to repair the door. Follow me to the office to call your father."

.......... i tell you ar i sweat until the whole of Kuching flood.

for the whole week i kept quiet... trying to break it to my parents. Eat at dinner will tiam tiam slowly eat my chicken rice.

but then after a while its like she suddenly my friend! when she saw me she come smile smile and say hello. nae boo. If this ugly incident happen today, confirm New Paper damn happy and gahment will pass a bill to pave up everything so got no more rocks and stones.

btw... that small car is my teacher's car! LOL! she very old still teaching here.




So i left lodge.... not after the usual security-guard-see-camera confrontation.

I passed by the Junior school too.






After i left the school dcided to seprate the malaysians and expatriates. Angmoh get junior school (the old one) and malaysians get the new school. As if that is not segregrating enough, they just opened up a new house (there was red, blue, yellow and green) especially for the expats and its called the PURPLE house!

Dont they noe that purple is a gay colour?!?!?!!?

i asked the teacher,"Isnt its a bit dsicriminating or sth like that?"

he can only nod his head and give a disappointed smile.

Lodge ar pls dun crumble.

leaving for Singapore in 5 hours.
Posted by Audi Labels: ,
Teen piecing - Vanilla!
Sunday, March 26, 2006 | 0 comments  
blog update: added Kuching Trip - Day Three. Look under "previous posts"

"Does it really matter what these affectionate people do-- so long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses!" -Mrs Patrick Campbell

The youth of Canada are pretty promiscuous. Not all of them, mind you, but a fair percentage. Some have girlfriends/boyfriends and stick with them. Others get drunk on weekends and piece whoever they can get their hands on. Im not so sure about teens in Singapore. Perhaps they're just as promiscuous, just not as public. ??? I've heard about the Tammy video... It's fairly common to hear about who pieced who last weekend or at semi-formal, no biggie. But when the act of copulation occurs under your own roof, loud and clear...it's kind of weird, unsettling. Ok, ok, let me fill you in before you guys jump to conclusions.

Let me start from the beginning. It was in the morning, at the end of first period. My cousin and I have the same class, religion. And we're waiting by the door for the bell to ring.

Cousin: Are you working out tonight? (I go to the gym for boxing classes and sometimes just to work out)
Me: No...why?
Cousin: Aren't you working out tonight?
Me: No...I have boxing tomorrow but not today...
Cousin: You should work out today
Me: Why???
(the conversation was a bit longer but fairly repetitive)

The bell rings and we have to go so I cant question him anymore. Im totally curious about why he's so eager to get me out of the house. Then I realise, someone must be coming over! So at lunch I ask him, "Why am i not supposed to be home? Whos coming over??" He offers a feeble answer of "Ty", one of his buddies... I was like "K, it's not Ty"...but one of his friends was calling him so again, the questioning ceased.

On the way home he was in a really good mood...probably cos he knew he was getting laid today! His girlfriend calls and he says, "K, ill come and pick you up." His girlfriend was my friend before she was his girlfriend. But now she's more his girlfriend than my friend. It was really weird when they first started going out. I was also suspicious of both they're intentions, whether my cousin just wanted to use her and whether she was just being a golddigger. *que Kanye West and Jamie Foxx* Turns out they're both really into each other. Which is a good thing I suppose. So anyways, they're in the basement and they move into his room *raises eyebrow* Shortly after, I'm walking up the stairs, and I hear the bed squeaking. Let me just say that my cousin has a really squeaky bed. He's been sleeping on the same one for the past...fifteen years I'd say, since he was two maybe? Everytime he moves on it, you can hear it squeak. As I was saying, I heard the bed squeaking...

*squeak.......squeak......squeak......squeak.......squeak......*

Then there were the little gasps...I suppose you could call them gasps...

*oh...oh...oh*

I don't REALLY need to describe it to you do I? We all know what it sounds like... And don't pretend that you don't. Then the squeaks got faster...and faster...and then they stopped. I had stopped midway on the stairs and all I could think was... oh my... Here was my cousin, who I've known all my life and is four months younger than me...and my friend...getting it on in my cousins room, just about three feet above my head. And my cousin KNOWS how squeaky his bed is...have they no SHAME? *shudder* Well, what can I do? Nothing really... sigh... Hey, as Mrs Campbell said, so long as they dont make a display of it, im fine.

But anyways, on a more pleasant topic, grad is coming up, i.e. graduation. Everyone's excited about the dinner/dance, talking about dresses and dates and limos and such. Two days ago I asked a friend to be my date. He's a year older so I had to ask since it isnt his grad. He's an adorable guy, great personality and he's finneeee ;] (lol, i can just imagine audi rolling his eyes) He's sooo fine *dreamy eyes*...how typically female of me. Unfortunately he has a girlfriend. But he said yes and his girlfriends ok with it too...she knows me and knows that i wouldnt pull anything on her...or would i? *twinkle in eyes* alcohol is a wonderous elixer that can totally transform you and put u on top of the world. Even if i did do something, it's not like he'd be cheating on her for the first time. I've heard loads of stories abt them piecing other people. but i'm not that evil. =] Hmm...seems like last week's word of the week would be more appropriate this week. Before I end with my word of the week (hmm, more like phrase of the week today) I'd just like to apologize, my computer is f-cked, ive got a virus - Bloodhound.W32 - and its been making my com worse and worse. Can't open hotmail, can't cut and paste things, and when I type this out, its not in colour, its in the black and white code...so i'm on another computer right now. Which means that I can't post any pictures. Sorry audi...I'll figure out something soon. I reallllyy have to reformat my com. If anyone has any knowledge on how to get rid of that stupid Bloodhound virus, do tell...my precious laptop is severely ill

___________________________________________________________________________
Word of the week
kayyyy...payce buddy
payce is an exaggerated peace. Used in response to what a person has just said, an indication of disapproval. e.g. when someone asks a stupid question or makes a stupid remark:...(i can' t think of a good example right now. But i'll use it when i get the chance.)
___________________________________________________________________________

*audi comes in*

Takes a step back and shouts,"OMFG! my text is in BLUE!"

Anyways teens piecing each other is quite common in Singapore. But i dun think its as pronounced as those ang mohs la. Ang moh ar anything will tell everyone.

I got one Dutch ang moh... he is boyfriend to someone i noe... I have NEVER seen him before. i have NEBER talked to him before... but then after about a small meal with him in the canteen ar.. he start telling me how he kiss his girl la... touch his girl la... what they do at night la even when the parents are just next door.

But i think amongst our Singaporean Chinese teens (because that's my social network), yeah we do fuck around a bit. But we keep it low profile, only sharing it with really close friends i guess. Like i said before, i can take ten of my friends, confirm at least five got poke hole before.

Which again i think is generally done amongst all teens worldwide, in modern times, if not since forever. Rememebr that the Arabs last time married off their sons and daughters once they got hair. COnsidered teen sex also what.

Thus.. my attitude towards teen sex; "It is NORMAL"

but i guess it's like taboo due to religious and cultural influences.

....

WAH LAU vanilla...... i wanted to ask u out -.-...

so now i understand your reaction when i said i loved you. COuldve just said you were head over heals for someone taller than me rite?
Posted by Anonymous
Saturday, March 25, 2006 | 0 comments  
It is with deep regret that I, a friend of Audi's, would have to inform you of a tragic accident he has encountered.

Yeserday, Audi fell and broke his leg while maneuvering a steep ledge while climbing Mount Santubong. He is now in coma.

However, he is in the welfare of the most professional and experienced doctors in Normah Hospital, in Kuching.

I pray for his safe recovery.

Regards,
Tan Ah beng.




















HAHAHAHA you believe ar?

ok la actually i was away at Damai but my father say they never put any wireless internet so bo pian lor... i went around th ebeach to take pics.

but now im back in Holiday Inn Kuching, and soon going down to have dinner.

After i eat i come up entertain you all ok?

ta ta!


p.s. eerr... did any of u believe that thing i wrote way up there?
Posted by Audi
Kuching Trip - Day Four
| 0 comments  
Last night I went to Damai beach.

From young I hated Damai beach. Not the beach in itself but more of the hotel. Because the place is bloody huge and there is no lift! And I remmeber the beds always full of sand and the cold cold cold aircon and even worse when im just a young little boy in his swimming trunks, still wet from the pool, running around freezing my arse off.

Also, the journey to Damai is as long as the journey frm my Yishun house to the Johor house; 45 minutes. And I got itchy backside cannot sit still so of course will be very restless.

But this few times the driver always use the huge van to send us to damai. At least that cools everything a bit. I sit on the front seat and I feel like im on a monster truck looking down at all the Proton Kancil below. The suspension also very bouncy. Like elephant having sex.

The road to Damai is long and dark as usual.


So of course.... got see pontianak once in a while. Let me tell you how they will appear.

U’ll be driving along the road at around 90km/h.... the passing lamposts will create that cool zziiiinggg... ziinggg.... effect and ahead of u is only lit by ur lousy table lamp front light.

Then suddenly u will see this lady in white with long hair covering her face RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

And when u still staring.. uw un notice that she is always at a certain distance from you!

Then slowly u see her coming.... then u realise.... YOU ARE LOOKING AT A REFLECTION and she is BEHIND YOU!

Awww scared liao? Its ok. I also scared. Nb everytime I tell ghost story I will scare myself.



Anyways spent the nite editing pictures. I knew that the abbsence of the internet would throw a lot of my schedule off balance.

The next morning I woke up. The adults were off to see the Dayaks strip naked or having some spa and massage.

I didn’t wanan see Dayak ppl getting naked. But I wanted to go spa and massage. So thenight before I asked my mum to set me up for a spa appointment. The price is 100 ringgit. Very cheap! And I heard frm all the old ppl that the masseur is good! So okay. But my mother must be damn pervert and say, “you sure u wanna go massage? You have to be naked and they will massage your *lan jiao* there.”

I dun mind. Because a lot of ppl always touch my little brother, whether its for some childish fun or otherwise. *looks at sze aik*



Then she call my father talk talk talk...... “u sure u wan to go spa? Its only a hot tub with flowers. The toilet here has a tub.”

“just set me up la!” I say.

“you sure? They will touch ur private parts! And it’s a guy!”

“YA LA!”

“ok its 250 rinngit. And your father never gimme money.”

“ok then nvm.”

Liew... I damn doo lan because no one will touch me. Eh I mean. I cant experience the super famous massage.



I got dressed in my khaki pants and started walking around the beach. Singaporeans like to see beaches. I also dunno why. So I look around forums to see why ppl like beaches. Then I found out that its not because of suntan. But because a lot of ppl dream of having sex on beaches. Wtf?

Damai beach used to be much more beautiful. The beach was HUGE and the sand stretched more than a hundred metres into the South China Sea. But then, after the El Nino incident which actually had the waves licking far into the raised walkways, the beach has shrunk and the sand area is just..... near non-existent.







But then.... a lot of angmoh still come. Their skin is usually red like lobster and u can see them from far. Otherwise it’s the same colour as the sand and u think u cannot see any ang moh when actualy infront of u got ten thousand of them lying on the beach naked.



My sister’s boyfriend’s father is the manager for the two Holiday Inn beach hotels here in kuching. He also lives in the hotel so of course he make it into his home la. He crazy about boats last time so he did buy boats. Two or three, actually which he keeps in a jetty nearby. So last time we will go damai , use his boat and go fishing in the middle of the sea.


After that we’ll sail to Satang Island, the nearest of the three nearby islands. This is where turtles come to lay their eggs. And also where sandflies will make u have so many scars that ppl think u got STD.

Last time this use to be our little secret. But now HIDB (holiday inn damai beach) has included a fishing trip and a trip to Satang island into its sea activites. I thnk its RM60 for two ppl. Cheap what. Just come at the correct season. Only then will u catch a lot of Yellow Tails, Garupa, sometimes stingray and if u really so lucky.... can see turtle and dolphin and flying fish.

And also this was when my fear of the ocean came. It was about to rain, so the sky was dark, I was snorkelling and looking at the sea bed below. Skali got jelly fish appear! Na bei I so scared that now I have phobia of the sea.


There used to be more sea activities. Like Kayaking. But look at the kayaks.


The kayak in that state... still wan to include in itenerary?

I asked if I can go jet ski but the boy boy at the club house say the jet ski spoil. Na beh everytime spoil. Confirm they kei siao one la! lazy to refuel then say lazy to refuel la.



I then took a shuttle to the hilltop area of the hotel. Henry they all nv go here. So now im showing.


This is the hilltop pool. The hilltop is a row of about 300 over suites, built on the sides of... uh... a hill la. And it overlooks Damai beach. Every evening can see nice sunset from the suites. It’s very romantic. Just watch out for the insects. As usual its difficult to maintain a hotel in the jungle.


The huts there are three storey suites. They are inspired by three tribal groups of Sarawak. It’s a nice suite..... got jasussi got shower room got bath tub..... also got king size (or queen.. the big big one...) and is a postal bed some more! With nice cloth hanging on it and strong aircon! Even better..the huge wall to wall, ceiling to ceiling window is right at the foot of the bed. So when u wake up to a bright sunshine with the aircon on and you see your dear dear still sleeping on the bed..... aaa..... this is what I call subtle romance. Anyone wan to be my girlfriend? Will confirm sibeh romantic wan.


Mount santubong at the back.


Sunset. Ok la its photshopped. But u get the idea.



After that I got hungry. So what to do? Go to coffeshop la!


Lobby.

I saw my sister’s boyfriend’s father at the Café Satang. I tell you ar.. the way he portrays himself is really like the Mafia; he will bring his gang of old uncle and department managers to sit at a table at the back of the restaurant. Then when they seat ar u can see who is the boss. Who is right hand man. And who is the loser who act only wan to join gang. And once they get up and leave, also got style! This henchman will go first... in case ppl outside ready to shoot, so wun shoot the boss. Then another.. then the right hand man.. then finally the boss.. and the other losers behind him.

My uncle saw me.

“EH AUDI! WHAT YOU DOING HERE!?”

I really like my sister’s boyfriend’s father. He’s a mix blood. Got chinese blood and malay blood. And he last time I think gangster HAHAHA. No la. but he really like ah beng. So maybe that explains the Mafia-like organisation. When he’s kind he’s kind; a saviour. But when he doo lan u better hide all the billiard sticks otherwise somebody will have his backside enlarged. But then funny... I dunno why his son, which is my sister’s boyfriend, so softy like that. Soemtiems I wish my sister get ah beng boyfriend. At least we can brother brother in the future. Oh well. They steady for almost 6 or 7 years already. Cant say anything.


Lamb chops!!! Again!!! I like meat. Medium well. Perfecto! Now I see I think I wanan order another steak. Haha.... gonna grow fat!



Eat finish already,,,,, it’s time for dessert!

As usual....


Ice cream!

Na beh they put there will give butter scotch honey ice cream. In the end give me vanilla. Can I dun eat my co-blogger?

I sat down in the coffee house for a bit after that. Just sitting and thinking. I like to think. Makes me slim down. HAHA. Some people say that thinking too much is no good. But well.. I say.. if u think of correct things most of the time.... then there is no such thing as too much. Im not a loner. But I can be alone. And I also can socialise. Having both of them makes it easier to appreciate the other. Noe wht I mean? Dunno ar? Its ok. I think too much.

After that I found an internet station at the lobby. They required a password and all that so I easily got one frm the counter.

Checked my mail

And look!



Results come out liao!!!!

Im so happy. Cos im looking forward to an A for one of my subjects... and I wanna see how much doo lan-ness did I cause to my IS teachers. As we all know... IS is the stupidest of all wasting-time modules.

What I saw was buay song inducing.


Yes! I’m a loser!

My GPA (grade point average) was 2.588. Highest possible is 4. lowest is 0

And even though a C+ may be considered an average-above average grade.... I really damn doo lan. Because I heard some lan jiao ppl can score distinction and always come to class late! ..... fucked up at it’s best!

But its ok. Its over. I dun wan to cry over spilled hong yu. All I can do is kick my backside and gain more bloody experience. Cos studying day and night wun get u far in FSV.


Litter? Or beauty?


An entourage of Japanese high schoolers appeared out of nowhere.

I got back to the room. And found out that ALL the doors were locked! Except for front door. WTF??! Then I smelled the smell of oils and all that jeeboshakalichvoska. So I noe that the adults are naked in the next room getting massaged.

What to do but wait outside.


I find that I have this habit of not taking off my shoe indoors.

Once they came out I saw the masseur. Lucky I never go for massage. Cos I see his face and he reminds me of one of the tutors for the religious class I attended. Screws your mind up when you’re in that situation.

Night came. Time to go home.

I wan to introduce this pro driver of mine that has been working at HIK ever since I was born. Literally. He works the night shift.... and can repair any vehicle he drives. Sometimes when he driving very fast, he will take the key out of the ignition drive a bit with no engine power, then quickly slide the key back in, making the engine roar with power. In all my years... I have never heard him talk a full sentence.
Let me intro...


Uncle Lee Heng!!

Actually I also dunno how to spell his name.

Only today I noticed he was short.


But once he climbs into that mah de fah king van.... OOO!!!! Feeel the power! Its like a cyborg thingy. He is the brain and his body is the van.

Tonight we stopped by the Sunday market.

Kuching’s Sunday market is famous for its variety of herbs and spices and vvegetnbles and bla bla bla you get it. There are live chickens u an buy there. Huge cow torsos hung for sale in make shift stalls and worms also for sale and everything. What fascinates me is the fact that everything here is BLOODY FRESH! The vege is GREEN as hell (hell is green?) and the meat is red as hell. I especially love to see the fishes for sale. U can get frm the smallest (ikan bilis) to the largest (as long as your arm). I like it when I see the stallguy cutting the fish into two and all the guts spill out with the goo and stuff. No im not for gore. Im in for the wonders of science!



And of course.... the open air food stalls there. Gotta try the Sarawak Laksa and Mee Kolo. Damn happening.



However these stalls tend to pop up here and there.


Singapore has Ramli burger. This one has Maggi Burger! And I gotta hand it to them.... they make the BEST roadside burgers ever! Probably because of the proximity to the road and all the exhaust gasses (this is Kuching... we still have thirty year old cars with exhausts that smoke as much as the driver).

I find their menu interesting as well.



“hi! I would like a cheeseburger, please.”

“would u like to upsize to a full cheeseburger? Only 50 cents more!”

“hmmm ok.. ill take that.”

“we’re having an offer now. If you buy two full cheeseburgers we’ll throw in one double beef burger with egg for free!”

“hmm I think my kids would like some too. Ok ill take that offer.”

“and also if you buy a fish burger today, you’d get a free upsize to a fish burger WITH full cheese WTH egg WITH another layer of fish fillet! Offer lasts for the next ten minutes!”

“nah its ok.”

“are you sure? Maybe you would like to try our double cheesburger double sundae crazzamoretto backsidelauncher?”

“no no.. seriosuly. It’s enough...”

“or how about our newest addition; a SUPER BEEF BURGER with DOUBLE full cheese and DOUBLE beef patties with DOUBLE mayonaisse and DOUBLE....”

“KAO BEI LA can u just give me my order??!!?!?!?!”

“....what was your order again? The menu’s too damn complicated.”

“AAAAAA KILL PEOPLE LIAO LA!!”

Got back to the hotel for dinner. I wanna end here first. Too tired already. See you tomorrow!
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