Tuesday, February 14, 2006 |  
IF you’ve heard the recent rumour.........

..... the one about me STILLin the Singapore Idol hoopla...

.........

...then YES!

Yup... I’m, indeed, still in the Singapore Idol thingy.

The trailer, to be exact. My name has been registered with the guys in mediacorp and the shoot’s this coming Monday.

And best thing is... SAM the CAM is coming along!!!! Woooo!!!!!!!

Shah come to me and ask, “You never give up, do you?”

So I said, “If the dragon is still blowing its horns, the fruit is still ripe, if the monkeys still pink. .... then say what you? Chiong la!”

Shah then go, “Heh?”

“nvm....”

Anyways today I wan to show you all the real deal of the Singapore Idol Audition queue.



The tme is 8 am or sth. All the bangla... oops... I mean... all those who were sleeping on the floorboards just woke up and are beginning to shuffle about, ready to be auditioned!

Oh ya I must tell you..... thena joyce and I came at about 530am to ceineleisure... and OMG it was already so packed! KFC was open.. so was LJS... WOOOO!!!!! First time I see fast food open so early.

But wah lau!!! I went down to the toilet... the one at the food court. The lights were all swtiched off and eerything except for the toilets. I went into the toilet (boy’s wan...) and KKNBCCB SIBEH DAMN SMEULLY ARHZ!!!!!! I thin iside the toilet got 79823479 people inside ar! All of them were changing... brushing teeth... putting make up (dun ask me why).... wearing shoe.... WAH KAO!!! SIBEH DAMN STINKS! You can imagine all the lan jiao sweat of twenty thousand men inside that small bathroom? URGH!

The women’s toilet even worse ar! It really really really stinks... I smell already I can imagine all the chee bai in every corner of the toilet... except that this one here I can smell a tinge of make up products. All kinds of girls inside there... some come out with make up they look like clown.

Anyways...


The queue starts moving... everybody gan chiong gan chiong. The cameras start flanking us... aa!!!! Frm big sized betacams to small sized dv cams to even smaller hand phone cameras to even so small that can put on a fly from which I know the government is spying on us (think I dunno ar? Spy spy spy.... siam arh lu !! )

.... while people cut queue by acting as if they meeting someone (they will have their phone at the ear.. then keep shouting, “OH I SAW YOU I SAW YOU!”... then ask everyone, “squish me... squish me...” nb...)

Soon... the crowd came to a standstill. Gurmit and Daniel come kpkb in a funny way as usual. But I was too far at the back of the queue to enjoy the performance so I took picture.

And welcome to the horrors of bangla people! I mean... people who stayed overnight in the queue!



NB CB SINGAPOREANS YOU GO NS NEVER LEARN ANYTHING AR?! Inconsiderate cb kias! You know how many ppl now swearing at your lan jiao tou?! U soaked their shoes and pants with orange juice! And ornage juice is a high class drink okay. Then u blardy fucker go leave one WHOLE CARTON of it there. What you do... ROLL over it?!


More damage. U see..... ppl may be smiling and all that (and that girl there u can see her armpit. Kekex...) but u see the floor? SEE THE FLOOR?! Our foreign workers even cleaner than all of you cb kias who dirty the place ar knn~!

Among the things I found were LOADS of Just Tea can drinks... Jia Jia Liang Teh.... singapore idol goodie bags.... 8 days and lime magazine (with Joshua and and shawn lee’s face on it! AAAaa!!! Then ppl go step. CHAO NI MA ARHZ KNN!).... an old mattress (serious! So old, it’s grey.)... and those HUGE plastic kind of grocery bags. You know... the ugly wan like come from malaysia kampung like that. Confirm is malay use wan.

Oh ya.... the dominating race for the day was the malays. Out of say.... 100 ppl... 80 of them are malays! All trying to act like Taufik... like as if he “broke throught the market for the malays.” liddat. .... then out of the 100.... only a pathetic two are indians.


This is thena and joyce... after 7 hours....


This is joyce... you know why her face like that... because she upset. Upset at what?

Upset of THIS!


NB.... someone leave their food there (wasting) and caused someone else to STEP on it! (disrespect of blessings).

I tell you ar... the person who left the food there..... GRR..... COMBO 1 IS NICE OKAY!

Singapore Idol is a phenomenon (so they say la.... so far only abt 4 thousand ppl sign up. Last year was abt 7 thousand, close to 8. Phenomenon my arse.) ...... people from all walks of life... all races... all family back grounds.. all CPF bank account number... and all ages between age 16 and 30.... and all shapes and sizes came down for the auditions hoping to be the next Singapore Idol!


Correct that.... make that, “all shapes and SUPER-sizes.”
OMFG la that’s huge!

The Audition queue was also a place of sin.

Why sin?

Cos I say a lof of NKF slots.


This is two NKF slots side by side. They come in many different facades. Some have brown spots. Others have pink. Some even sibeh damn black, it sucks in light! Others are very hairy like you know the shop in Far East Plaza called, “It’s Hairy!”??. There also those I found that... u find find find... WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SLOT!... cos so skinny mah.... sit down only the crack no more. HAHAHAHA.

Oh got some also very cute. I like.

After about... nine hours, I got my queue number.


HUH?! ONLY 1573 ?!?!?! WTF... NINE HOURS to get to 1573 only?!?!?!

Shah saw my number he also shocked. Last time he join SI his number was 5 thousand something thing and that also he was one of the early birds and he got to the room faster than us!


See.. I got to the first rounds of the auditions! I signed up on the 19th of January (Sly’s bday!) and that was my registration number. The day before auditions, they number has only creeped up to abt...3900+.

Then.. at.. 6 pm or sth... I finally got to the end of the line....WOOOOO!!!!!!!
We brught to the registration counter....... got our numbers and tags....


2720....

The people at the holding areas.. obviously volunteers.... were XIA LAN KIAS! Okay la maybe not all but im talkin abt those short girls! Its always them! Everywhere I go they are the ones who are so XL! Even in NCC... those types of girls... short.... like to act pretty... think volunteering is cool... wan to make new friends al the time... then after a while all the cb attitude come out. THESE KINDS OF GIRLS!!! AARGHH!!!!

One girl come... then say... “okay please.... mmuymmmmymmm muh muhmm...”

We all go, “Huh?!”

Then she cb cb give all the rlling eyes and HAIZ and stand on one leg and in the FUCKING DIAO whining/dragging tone she shout, “PLEASE PUT ON YOH NAYME TAAAAAAGGGGSSSSS.......”

CB WE CANT HEAR YOU THE FIRST TIME COS GOT LAN JIAO IN YOUR THROAT THEN SORRY LAR! Nb....

Then after that we were made to walk across Cineleisure with the fat number tags across our chests. I was intently waiting.. amongst the HUGE crowds of passerby... to hear someone... at least one person.. suan us for being an Idol hopeful. Something like, “ SINGAPORE IDOL SIAK!”

Nb I hate these kinds of accents. And language.

But today the passerby sibeh lucky... they nv say anything like that. Otherwise I come call Sembawang Gang 6062 beat them up.

Oh ya where the fuck did dummy Spielberg’s camera go to?

So the rest then.. is history. I nv tio into second round... and Gurmit was FUCKING HUGE! My father’s favourite star. Wootz.

End of auditions.

Okay now lets go talk abt sth else.

You all know Shah, rite? This hot hunk who sings, acts, models, fucks, clubs, pubs, drinks, serves, smokes, smokes pot, entertains...... yeah him.

If you happen to have the most recent edition of Cleo magazine, the one with the the 50 Most Eligible Bachelor thingy in it....

Then.. surprise surprise!



Then... as usual... SOME PEOPLE.... will come with their laser tongue and mouth and go suan people who achieve something like this. Nb I cb doo lan when hear things like this. All the sarcastic remarks la like, “eh u look like bangla la...” or “eh ur picture not nice” or “this ar.. typical mat fuck answers la...”

I say LAN JIO, UNDERSTAND!? You go tio something like this la then talk big la nbcb!

Ok but actually Shah said he does look like a bangla in the picture. And that his picture was mediacorp... oops... mediocore...

But to me its ok lei... and he looks like one of the best around la. I scanned through the rest of the models and like WTF some ah gua skinny guy can also be eligible bachelor. Some ar even the face like any other indian still can tio. But then again Shah said that a lot of these people here are like you know... the tua neh bu kind. As in.. they are the big big names in backstage media.

Oh ya... Shah is also in a Star Search wannabe contest called Sungguh Hot on Suria. Its another one of those vote-for-your-dream-sex-partner kinda stuff la.

Its aired on Suria, on SUNDAY, at 11 am.

Shah went, “Fuck sia.... I myself not awake at 11am on Sunday.”

Realy...who the hell watches tv at that time!?!?!?! KIDS?!?

Anyways I know today is Valentines. I know.. some are unhappy... some are happy.... Some are unhappy because it gets very disturbing to see men going around carrying flowers and NA BEI CHEE BAI SO BIG BIG HUGE HUGE teddy bears and flowers. I saw so many delivery ppl carrying flowers around Northpoint today. Then I see the usual odd matching couples.... and those CMI wan to couple couple... as in.. the guy smile smile trying to talk sweet but the girl sibeh doo lan. HAHAHA.... Then I saw some north view kids with this valentine stuff and I started laughing... laughing at how silly we all shouldve looked like during V-day in sec school. In the jewellery shop I saw teens in sch uniform buying rings... all that.

Happy V-day to all of you hor!

So how did I spend my V-day?

With who?

Who else but....


JAVIS and his girlfriend!

“eh... you got no other friend to go out with ar?”

“mai kao bei la....”

Actually Vis called me down. He wants to transfer to my course (YAY!!!) so I got the form for him frm school so there he is filling it up. But zzz.... his english for O levels is C6 and FSV’s requirements is C5 and below/above. AAAAAAA!!!! Nvm... just try anyways.

Ok before I end.. I’m gonna finish off with a half-class photo of mine.




From the left is Shaun. He’s taking his degree in piano soon. And he’s the best! SUPER DUPER INTELLIGENT! Followed by Mich. She lives in Yishun. And won first prize in a “Roll your eyes like a xia lan kia” competition. Witty.. but sometimes sibeh xia lan. Then followed by Freddie. He also live in Yishun. He has been working in Mediacorp for very long, paritcularly in the audio side. He has sibeh a lot of fucking contacts frm Mediacorp and actually got accepted for some overseas university course or sth like that but he turned it down. Last time he sibeh diao. Laugh laugh laugh so annoying but now he ok la. we all like him better. Except for some la who think they everytime correct and that a person cannot change.


This is Thena and Shah. The left is Thena. The right is Shah. HAHAHAHA. Shah is... aiyah u all know la.... he;s an entertainer. He works at Muddy Murphy’s as a bartender. He is like my... fashion advisor... because of him I buy converse shoes... dye hair.. bla bla bla... Ppl like to buly or suan him because they think he nv serious but cb kia they are fucking wrong! Thena.... okay I dunno where to start. He’s like a snake... as in... very witty... u give comments he can easily shoot you down or bring you up. He will talk talk talk until u damn pek chek because when he go against u its like... FOREVER until you give up. He is a TV buff... you wan to know anything abt tv programmes.. ask him. Like a walkin TV and film dictionary like that.


This one on the left is Justin. Remmeber the one got long beard that always gets into his soup? Ya that one. He’s in a band.. bass guitarist. He everytime kanna director position. On the right is Charlene. She is Jolin Fan Club’s Public Relations person. She damn popular la! in the club I mean. Even Jolin Tsai knows her by name! You know why? cos she starts to make all sorts of funny noises (dunno come frm which hole also) whne she sees Jolin.Jolin everytime laugh when see her like that! She’s also a freelance web designer. Now she working in Edpol in Funan Centre. She work work work until so sibeh rich ar! She just bought a 600 dollars PDA. 0.0 ... and im playing it often in class. HAHAHA.


Last but not least.... the happy couple. HAAHAHA. Ya.. some of you might be going, “OMG!!! IS THAT THE AUTHOR!!! IS THAT THE GUY WHO SO VULGAR ALL THE TIME ON HIS BLOG?!”

Sorry hor but no. That one is a toilet cleaner.

Joyce is an average girl la. She;s not like many of us... who have a lot of connections of expreriences or uber-talents like playing piano. But one thing she has is personalitly. I like it. HHAHAA.... and she can think rationally also.. can see wo sides of the coin also. This kind of ppl is important during work. She can carry my backside up in such an effective manner that even though I know she suan-ing me.... I gladly accept her comments and work my way. Nto like some people.. everytime shoot shoot shoot dunno they also wrong sometimes.

So that;s all. For now. Next post I will bring to you some pics frm my Studio Production class (again). We brought in some real interesting ANIMALS.

Till then!

(today was a long post... HAPPY ANOT YOU ALL?!?!?!)

Posted by Audi