I have no idea where the word de-virginialtation came from... but i created so OWNED YA it's MINE!
A few weeks ago, Don and Clara came to me and asked it i were game for a night of fun. Yeah of course i was game... like duh... i'd give up anything to play warcraft.
They laughed and said,"No no no" (yes, at the same time, same pace. They're twins." Which was then they told me of this UNDERAGE party at the MOS on the 30th of May.
For me.... Underage girls (16 and around there) + MOS = FUN + SIN.
I looked at them, took a deep breath and smiled,"Count me in."
I never told me mom or sis about it... and pretty much kept it way from my blog. So ... SURPISE, ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!! LOL.
Ticks were at 18 bucks a piece. I was told it was meant for Under 16s (or maybe it was under 18, above 16... cos we dun want our baby brother to club so soon, rite?) so i asked my first and highly reliable clubbing contact if he has heard any of this.
Mr. Anugerah-Skrin-Top-5-Contestant, Shah, says," Noh... i never hear before...".
Speculation.....
But i forgot the issue anyways because, as i've learnt from reading wewank.blogspot.com, these kinda stuff will normally have more dicks than holy grails on the dancefloor so i didnt really bother if it was underage or not. ANyways there were more problems.... it was on a TUESDAY!
and it's a SCHOOLING WEEK across singapore if you're from NP, NYP and TP. My gawd... i jsut sold myself to the devil; clubbing in exchange for my dear dear dear diploma in Film, Sound and Video.
I tried turning it down at all but Don gave the usual,"it's already been paid for, dickhead Juggernaut Xmen you...". Fine.
btw pls dont swear with the word "dickhead".. i find that thing extremely ugly after it's been distinguished from the rest of the penis. So dont. It's rude. Use CCB because that is so true.
Two days ago Don called me while i was on the way home from school. It was around 11am, and he asked,"Wanna go swim?". I called my private jet and was soon at Yishun swiming complex, complete with my swimming gear; goggles and an unbelievably tight pair of swimming shorts - I sure hope it's cos my pelvis grew.... not my butt.
Aside from the usual swim-2-laps-and-we're-knocked-out thing and the bizarre encounter with a patron in red swim trunks who stares at people named "Donald" and "Audi" very intently in the bathroom and pool, uh... ok wait.. the sentence is too long... i forgot what i wanted to say.
Don and I had a chat.
"Don i dont get it"
"what?"
"Why do you want to get pissed drunk?"
"i donno. i wnt to cause i cant get drunk"
"that makes no sense."
"aiya nothing la."
"lol ok. Just slim down as much as you can first. if clara gets drunk as well i need to carry two people and that is not gonna be fun."
"ya ya carry us.."
"yeah.. then while u two are drunk int he middle of the night... then... (CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED SHERYL DUN CHEEKY LA LOOK AWAY PLS) "
"WAH LAU YOU KNNBCCB"
WE got out of the pool after that, freezing our butts off (my butt fell into the baby pool) and showered ourselves. The creepy red trunks guy came in soon after and i caught him staring at us while we were in our boxers that were wet a bit. He just HAD to choose the shower cubicle infront of us and come out with his pink faded underwear so i called Don and told him about that fag. We left immedietely. Don had to save his virginity, i had to save my dicknity.
I brought him to my favourite prata shop. He found a huge bug in my curry but ate the already-dipped prata anyways. We were in the quiet shop talkin about all the softy-topics relating to the overused term,"friendship" since we were near a very monumental and important place (for us). If that soccer field didnt exist, we'd all be DOTA friends only.
I just couldnt stand that bug he put on the side of my plate. Bury it for god's sake!
Yesterday morning i sat down in Don's room, scratching my head and thnking about my 2-act screenwriting script. For some reason, i can never grasp the concepts of two act structures. I asked Don to listen to me pitch my breakthrouhg story and the bastard continued flying his bird in WOW. I hope his bird gets killed by a big bird poo. (WOW = World of Warcraft for all you losers... and that dont visit clara's blog.)
Pretty soon i reached for a mattress and picked a comforter.
"This isnt clara's, rite?"
"No."
I made myself at home.. with some limits (no no no being naked in broad daylight in your friend's room is taboo. In boxers a size too small is fine.). I tried working on my script again but fell asleep in the most uncomfortable position - under the roller's of Don's chair.
It was seven. The photo shop below has gotten my Cam and Lighting Ass 1 pictures ready. Mrs. Teo has came home as well. I packed up the matresses and all. Don folded the comforter.
"Audi you know what..."
I nod my head in question.
"...actually my mom uses this comforter."
KNNCCB DA NIAO SAI !!!
"I really hope henry doesnt bring his baby blue jacket to MOS. It's... - uhm."
and when the five of us met up, henry was carrying the jacket. I laughed my ass off. This time it flew to the assholes who take such a long time to get off an escalator.
We had a special guest this time; JASON!
The big bad motherly boy (i just made him sound gay) who saved my ass from China punks (ohh the sheer hatred we have for them) and constant reminder that cameras are evil and i wil get beaten up just for carrying one all the time. Damn Jason.... you gotta give my camera some slack.
Aik got himself some shiny stuff for his hands; a ring and a watch..... and now has this habit of punching ppl. The ring's cursed, i tell ya!
btw... my old buddy Vis-kia ( i used the term "my" because if i said "ours", it'll be politically incorrect.) called and said he was comng along. Wootz. He's always such a party animal. and no i dont feel "weird" or "stupid" hanging around with him knowing the fact he's been called something along the lines of "womanizer". likewise, I've been called the most romantic guy around but helloooooo??? Same logic.
Then i get this anonymous call on my phone. This guy with deep, huffing and puffing voice was on the other side of the phone, literally. So i asked him to move away.
"hello? is this Audi? Phone number 968342**?" came this really really mean sounding voice. It was almost sinsiter.
"Yeah... who's this?"
"Noone. I just wanna say...."
"....."
"..... THAT YOUR READERS ARE GETTING BORED YOU FARKFACE FASCIST!"
click.
Dude.... damn you guys didnt have to that you know.
I thought of following sarah's style of montage editing... but this time i'm doign it with my pictures proportioned...
HERE'S THE CHEESECAKE
We got down at Clarke Quay MRT, followed the trial of some of the most trendy teens (which none of them exists in my smal little noob group) across the bridge and to MOS.
Henry doesnt know what MOS is..... and Tharik sucks.
Just as I spotted MOS, I spotted, possibly, the LARGEST and LONGEST queue to have ever assembled in Singapore since uh... February 11th 2006, which was the Singapore Idol queue i was in at Scape. Actully, the turn out was even MORE that the SI auditions. Damn... maybe Singaporeans are better at dancing than singing?
Met up with Swee Kai, the lovely sweet ladies, Xue and Eileen and our (my) dearest, dearest, dearest princess - Princess Armadillo Clara.
LOL... ok fine... Clara. CLARA.. i met clara. ok? geez. I like slim legs and i cannot lie....
I saw lots of fashion disasters as well as fashion trendsetters. I dont know why... but i think fair-skinned people look better in hip-hop attire than otherwise. Nope. change that.. fair-skinned people with slim eyes. Yeah. That's it.
That's a fashion disaster with Mass Comm written all over it.
Lots of attitude was in the air... taxis were screaming their horns, rolling down their windows and shouting,"MOVE, BITCH, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!" because clubber's cars were stalling the road.. along withthe clubers-to-be. Pretty soon some guy with spiked hair and big ding dongs for a small body started chanting and the whole queue chanted along and stomped their feet along with him. Could you imagine a HUGE 5 thousand over crowd chanting,"MOVE, BITCH, MOVE OUTTA THE WAY!"
The taxi driver did a 180 spin and drove off... on the wrong side of the road. i wanted to bring my camera out by Jason just gave me that,"Audi...... your camera can get you in trouble...." thing.
Jason relates his brother's drama.... and hear very closely to what i say as i pull the cam away from my mouth.
...... Joshuaaaaaaaa~~~~
I called Vis to ask if we can join and him and for god knows what reason, he started shouting at me. He went like," I"M IN THE QUEUE LARH! VERY DEEP ALREADY. I CANT GO OUT. HANNAH HANNAH OK BYE BYE"
where's the love, baby?!
Clara was a real organiser. She just has like.. her entire circle of friends in MOS itself. We managed to squeeze in halfway upfront, infront of a grup of girls, no less. Cos if it were a group of guys... i dont think any of us sissy boys could ever fight back. We actually talked about it on the way to the queue and results were....
Donald will fight back but slowly die.
Jason will join Donald but will make a mistake very quickly and slowly die as well.
Aik wil scream for help.
Henry, who has run about 300 metres from the fight, will call the police.
i will take photos and videos. and hand it to the police, which they wil then find some way in the truely honest videos and photos to say that our group started the fight.
If it were Javis's group that will be an entirely deifferent story involving blood, broken glass, police jail and the loss of a friend. I prefer the latter scenario.
18 bucks a piece.... and we bought nine or so...
A lot of beer bottles were strwen about. Jason and Don probably ticked somewhere which led to the question,"Lets go buy beer."
Off we went, leaving our girls behind with a faggot for protection.
But clara's shout is the strongest in the world so that basically overcomes all worry.
"Why not we go buy some cigs as well..." i asked.
"wtf for." went Don. Henry gave that puking motion. So did Aik. jason's eyes lighted up,"You sure?"
"Yeah why not... i mean... you've smoked, i've smoked, Don's smoked, Henry's smelling smoke everyday. Now it's time for Aik to sin himself."
awww baby i cant forget my fag session with Vis.... it was comical; i blew the smoke at his face, sucked it like a bloody whore and when things got bored, Kenny and I took another ciggarettes and started taking turns burning the other stick. Vis never called me for a smoke after that. Ever.
Eventually, we didnt get the fags. jason and Don bought a bottle of beer each. Henry and Aik avoided drinking as it was with the PAP and failing. (the PAP has this ultra sense of winning al the time, dont you think?)
For some reason, Donald is paranoid of people seeing him drink.
When we got back to the line, it has moved considerably. Man. it's much MORE efficient than that lousy Singapore Idol queue.
We turned round the bend, able to see the tentage of MOS. It was a sight for sore eyes in a way; like our dirty little dreams have came true.
then.... SSsZHZHSJHSOHOSIhHSSSKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!
we turned behind. The clubbers were shouting in agony/pain/disagreement at the buff bouncers who were pulling in the gates. People started getting up from the road and jumping over the fences. The bouncers started pointing their fingers at the climbers and i swear that if their fingers were guns, every single one of those teens would be popped.
"wtf's happening?" i asked.
"I dunno" said someone.
"OH MAI FAKING GOAT!!!! THEY"RE CUTTING THE QUEUE!!"
We pulled Eileen and Xue in, Kai danced to us. More and more people went under/over/through the gates like as if if they were left ouside, a big buldozer will pass on them. I check around, walking around my heard of friends, counting them and bringing them in, hoding them away from the evil line that is the gate. The bouncers were tattooed. They were mean. They were so much bigger than my puny little dick. Damn. This iwas gona be a match. Eileen was still runing. Ever so slowly. Shit. RUN, EILEEN, RUN!
she's not gonna make it. So screw it. I ran towards her, weaving through Donald and henry, and then leaping over the fence, grabbing eileen by the shoulder and then throwing her over it. The fence shut with a big CLANG. Clara and the guys were staring at me from the otherside. The crowd died down and i could hear the buzzing of the surrounding lights. The bouncers, who had their backs turned to me, were slwoly pivoting. Double shit. I ran... and ran... and ran.... and ran.... The bouncer's head started to turn as well. I saw the reflections on his bald head when i was mid air.... and..... and.....
....SCCOOORRRREEEE!!!!!
"HOI HOI HOI YOU! COME BACK HERE!!" they started shouting.
crap.
i took out my MP5 and stated shooting at them.... bla bla bla bla lba LOLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
ok la it wasnt that drama... but we were the last group to be cut off. After the cut off, we basically had only the road behind us. Nevertheless, teens kept comign over and over the fence. ANd the bouncers went around with their whips snapping the heads of any of those who didnt run fast enough into the crowd.
"All of you got your IC?"
"yes." "yes" yeah" "simi is ic?.... oh ok.. got" "yeah..." "no."
who? we turned to aik.
"No. i dnt have my ic."
Another bouncer came around from the front shouting,"IF YOU DONT HAVE YOUR IC, GET OUT OF THE LINE. DONT WASTE YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOU WONT BE ABLE TO GET IN!!"
wtf?
AIk started ot turn cold. He started to look lost, fading away from all of us. Shit. If he dont go in i wont go in. And if i dun go in.. bloody hell there wont be a party cos i'm TEH BOMB!
"What about the underage shit thingy?" i asked.
Clara looked at me and said,"They divide the lines into 16 years old and 18."
I only saw one line.
"THOSE BELOW 18, PLEASE LEAVE AS WELL!" came the bouncer.
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!
Now that explains why everyone was taller than all of us (we're horrendously short.)
Aik? So how? He had his IC turned in just the day before to get it destroyed which was thne gonan be replaced with a nice pink Singapore IC.
"What about the temporary one?"
"my mom has it."
dotx.
The queue went up faster by now. It went up amazingly quickly. Bouncers were stil shouting, telling those who were under-equipped to leave. The ticket guys were grabbing ICs and hadnign out passes faster than you can say "i'm a teddy bear made in Germany" in Russian. (think you could? okay. Here it is in Russian - я буду медведем teddy сделанным в Германии)
Don turned around,"Okay Aik tell you what... i will go first....."
Aik closed in.
"... and after i get checked, I'll thrwo my IC behind like i dropepd it and you catch it. Okay?"
Dude....... you is TEH MANN!
So we did that. We were the last grp.. i wonder how you would do this... everyone can see us.
As we moved up the line, Aik started drifting back; far too back to make a sneaky exchange.
"SZE AIK!"
he didnt hear me.
Donald went through the first guy, a second line of the barricade was dragged in behind us. I waited for his move.
... he didnt drop it.
Maybe i could do it.
I gave aik one last look - barely. The bouncer boomed at me and i handed him my IC. I got through. Before i could turn agian and find a clearing to drop it (there were plenty of the bouncers around). a lday came up to me,"EXCUSE ME ARE YOU GOING IN?"
For a girl that size, she talks mighty loud.... and powerful. So commanding. So clear. So distinct. My kind of girl.
But not when in this kind of situation.
"ARE YOU COMING IN?"
Don and i looked at each other. I brought him closer and pointed towards the entrance of MOS which was gaping wide open and people were walking inside, totally cut off from the situation outside. The lady, and her co-worker looked at where i was pointing. Donald gave me the slip. I turned back to Aik, who by now was alreay walking past the ticket guy, to the other line - below 16 line.
DAMN! I GOTTA THROW THIS!
"EXCUSE ME!"
Something cold and small grabbed my hand. I found the lady's face infront of me, breathing down/up my face.
"WHAT IS THIS?!" and she pulled me hand up, bringing Don's IC and mine into the clear night sky.
"YOU TRYING TO THROW TO YOUR FRIEND IS IT?! IS IT?!"
my mind went blank. i tried to think. I looked at Don. i looked at the ICs. I looked at her pretty face that was so cute yet so stern.
"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?!"
I looked back at Aik. He was still at the 16-line.
"uh no no this is my IC." Donald came in. I was still frozen. It was her touch, i tell you - she stoped the bloodflow to my brain!
"ARE YOU TRYING TO SMUGGLE SOME ONE IN?!"
"no no no no no!" we both replied.
I let my tensed hand relax - it's over. I guess she felt it. And she let me down.
"Okay.. come in."
We were given a card, a chop on the hand.... and a really tight imaginary slap across our faces. Donald and I stood int he middle of the MOS lobby, surrounded by it's thuping atmosphere but oblivious to the shadows walking around us. We were feeling the same thing.
"HELLO BOYS. PLEASE DONT STAND INT HE MIDDLE." came another bouncer. Damn! Where do they get so many huge guys that pop out from walls!
Jason soon appeared. Clara and her gang.
"Where's Aik.?" i asked Jason.
He peeped out for a while. Bye bye Aik.
.... and the asswipe suddenly appears behind the glass door!
WOOTZ!!!
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THROUGH?!?!
Apparently, Aik was indeed asked to leave, but there was some switch of ICs somewhere, and Aik gave it to the second guy who really wasnt supposed to be checking the ICs but only to make sure noone enters. That guy let him in. Aik passed through that little lady easily and there you go.
I grabbed him from behind the neck and pulled him in. We assembled, wowed at the lightings.....
...and here we start out night at MOS at officially 12am, 31st May 2006.
Stay tuned for the next part. Pictures and videos galore.... as well as when Aik's adventure as he went pass bouncer after bouncer after bouncer... until his luck ran out. And also, our persevering journey through an insane crowd, the the centre of the dancefloor which stands a podium, twice. And that big orgy one of us were in.....
here's a grp photo - From left, Aik, Audi, Donald, Henry, Jason. I was the photographer and they were all lined up in alphabetical order.
and here's a sneak preview....
oh and.... i spotted the gang from wewank.blogspot.com. Damn, i wonder how these elite kids get so HUGE! north view has either really tiny children or freakishly LONG ones that dont grow proportionally.
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Audi
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Travel and Adventure
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