I was doing my usual routine again tonight. Work, talking on MSN and Facebooking. You know, I have to admit that life has been VERY different since Jayden and I had a fall-out on April 1st. You probably would have noticed that right after that, I haven't been updating frequently as I did.
It's weird to hear, and highly patronizing of me, if I were to say that I found absolutely very little reason to do what I used to do - blogging, photoshopping, researching and plurking or whatever. But, for the record, everything's okay now, and we're talking again.
For a period of time I went around looking for something to fill up this empty space where my drive was. Along the process, I found new friends, did some new things and had a bit of fun. If there were anything good to come from this fallout, it would be that I've found a couple (or a few, rather) of people I really enjoy hanging out with.
I'm almost a year into National Service, and in one year I've made major decisions that I may or may not regret in life later. I've made decisions my parents would kill me over and I've made "hard decisions" that, not surprisingly, I took very lightly. In a year, I've moved on to the other extreme of the spectrum.
But I can't help to think that I've let my reigns go too early, too fast. I don't think much about philosophies or creative projects anymore. No. I've lost the mood to do all I did before. It finally dawned on me, today, that I don't feel like a complete, functional, intelligent human being. I've, instead, become a gossip queen with a plastic mask and synthetic leather shoes. A knock on my chest and you'll hear it hollow and thin.
There are times I feel I've crossed the line and rolled over some of my dear friends in our conversations or my approach to them. I barely listen or read intently as I used to. Impatient and disorganized. If you, my friends, are reading this, and agree, and I have offended you, then, please, forgive me.
My biggest regret, really, is that I've lost quite a bit of my skill in writing and English. My thoughts are highly disorganized now and keeping to time is getting unbearably difficult. Maybe I've spent much too long in my comfort zone. Or maybe I'm OUT of my comfort zone, and I'm struggling with my feet to find a place.
I wish there was a reset button. I really do. Reset back to September of 2008, when I was fresh out of BMT and lining up to read my listing for SISPEC, and spotting Jayden lugging his bag around.
I wonder, really, what I would be like if I stuck on to SISPEC.
Who am I?
It's weird to hear, and highly patronizing of me, if I were to say that I found absolutely very little reason to do what I used to do - blogging, photoshopping, researching and plurking or whatever. But, for the record, everything's okay now, and we're talking again.
For a period of time I went around looking for something to fill up this empty space where my drive was. Along the process, I found new friends, did some new things and had a bit of fun. If there were anything good to come from this fallout, it would be that I've found a couple (or a few, rather) of people I really enjoy hanging out with.
I'm almost a year into National Service, and in one year I've made major decisions that I may or may not regret in life later. I've made decisions my parents would kill me over and I've made "hard decisions" that, not surprisingly, I took very lightly. In a year, I've moved on to the other extreme of the spectrum.
But I can't help to think that I've let my reigns go too early, too fast. I don't think much about philosophies or creative projects anymore. No. I've lost the mood to do all I did before. It finally dawned on me, today, that I don't feel like a complete, functional, intelligent human being. I've, instead, become a gossip queen with a plastic mask and synthetic leather shoes. A knock on my chest and you'll hear it hollow and thin.
There are times I feel I've crossed the line and rolled over some of my dear friends in our conversations or my approach to them. I barely listen or read intently as I used to. Impatient and disorganized. If you, my friends, are reading this, and agree, and I have offended you, then, please, forgive me.
My biggest regret, really, is that I've lost quite a bit of my skill in writing and English. My thoughts are highly disorganized now and keeping to time is getting unbearably difficult. Maybe I've spent much too long in my comfort zone. Or maybe I'm OUT of my comfort zone, and I'm struggling with my feet to find a place.
I wish there was a reset button. I really do. Reset back to September of 2008, when I was fresh out of BMT and lining up to read my listing for SISPEC, and spotting Jayden lugging his bag around.
I wonder, really, what I would be like if I stuck on to SISPEC.
Who am I?
Posted by
Audi
Labels:
Musings
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My Life
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National Service
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