I keep making things worse for myself.
AFP 2 was pretty cool and i thought i lifted myself off a plataeu and came back on my feet again.
Until the recent developments. Then I started to wonder why this was happening again.
I started to think.. maybe i havent prayed enough (or at all). Maybe it's karma from my rounds of drinking, smoking and fucking. Maybe that other person is another incompetant loser. Maybe maybe maybe.
I remember the times where I could freely give advise to people. Advices like how to treat other. About respect and humility. Those were the days.
Now, i feel like I have no grounds to say all that anymore. It's like i've become a hypocrite - being the evil and preaching the good.
I keep nodding and agreeing with Jimmy Low or other old men I hang out with when they talk about humilty and respect to others. I hold Jet Li's words like age-old gold in my hands. But now.... I've degenerated into a shell of myself.
In my days with the North View gang... I was the one guiding my friends. Telling them to grow up. To explore. To take risks. I was everything. Some of them have even came to say,"Yes Audi.. you were right. Now I understand."
It's the last day of July 2007 now. And i've come to realise that nothing is more important than to listen.
I feel like i've become the hostile person in school. The one many avoid. It took some time to realise it because I've been doing relatively well since i came in to FSV.
I woke up today. I woke up from my dream. Just when I thought no one gives a care anymore, here comes Don. Here comes Kang Sheng. Here comes Wei Min. And here comes Daryl.
Kang Sheng once said, when we were sitting in the middle of nowhere in the school courtyard, "Everybody hates to be criticized. Everybody hates to hear bad news. But these people who keep smacking you in the face... they are your friends."
I reflected back on who were the fuckers who made me feel like I'm worthless. These people were none other than the people I look for first whenever i arrive to school.
It was about eight fifteen at night when Daryl called me for a smoke. Instead of smoking in the toilet as usual, we sat down at the carpark nearby and had a quiet moment. Well, for me.
I listened and tried not to make the usual excuses i keep finding myself doing nowadays. I tried. I listened.
Daryl laid the smackdown on my candy ass. It was pretty harsh and disheartening. Even worse was what i heard him say about me were true. Finally I had to admit to myself. To come to the truth. It was as if someone were exposing your dark secrets to yourself.
Then I asked,"Daryl.. I find this funny. If everyone here has given up on me... then why are you still here?"
His reply was enough to motivate me to change.
Before we went back to our work, he turned around a me, who was still sitting at the carpark, and said,"Seriously ar... it's time to grow up."
Time to heed my own advice.
Thanks Daryl.
Posted by
Audi
Labels:
My Life
Saturday, July 28, 2007
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I have no idea what's been going on these few days. Everythin's been flying about around me and though i hate to make it look like I'm the pitiful guy stuck in a typhoon of stabbing swords, I'm afraid that's how it's looking to be now.
People ask me about what's happening to my debarment and stuff and I can return the answer in a very lighthearted way. Like as if I dont really bother.
Call it my archilles heel. It's a problem you get when you tend to smile too much. It's a problem when you are always able to see a way out, I guess.
That's just me, I think, always skipping the reflection part whenever things happen and jumping straight to the "where do we go from here?" question.
I never knew there was a boiling pot of molten lava deep in my belly till yesterday night. It spewed a little of itself yesterday after hanging around the editing room and accompanying Don in his car to buy some film stock.
I dont' really remember what Kang Sheng said when I finally blew up and felt like digging into the back of my head and pulling my entire skull apart.
I think i really hurt Kang Sheng a lot yesterday, physically, because I was throwing some playful punches and some did made contact. He made a few sarcastic remarks on how weak some of my punches were and the ego-machine under my pants went working and i threw a harder one.... still smiling, no less.
Finally, I erupted and broke a few circuits when Daryl said something really hurtful. It wasnt about what he said but it was that when he said it made me realize a few things.....
I walked out, furious, with Kang Sheng getting a bit shaken because he probably knows what state I'm in already. But as usual, I'm smiling and grinning saying, "I'm gonna smoke la!"
I went over to the outer walkway of level nine, where there was a clear view from my school all the way to Bukit Timah hill. It was cloudy yesterday night and the city lights behind the hill created this magical aura along the outline of the hill. There were two radio towers on the top of the hill and they stood there looking flimsy but I knew its roots were pile-driven deep into the soil.
Daryl and Kang Sheng came by after a while "to keep me company" and maybe I was thankful for that. But sometimes I wished i could be left alone after something like that to reflect.
Kang Sheng and I left after a few minutes since it was late. Daryl still had to do some synching up in the post-production room. I like to see him working with such interest and enthusiasm on any films he's been a part of.... except those I'm in as well, duh. I remember the days I had that kind of attitude.... till it was raped out of me with the brief taste of success.
Kang Sheng and i waited for the lift. Maybe he was talking. Maybe he wasnt. I wasnt really concentrating on anything. I threw a flying fist on to the board on the wall. Dust flew from behind it and some sand crumbled down onto the floor.
"I think you punch the wrong way." Kang Sheng says.
I let that fly past my head. I knew that already. That's why i busted a nerve on the knuckle of my ring finger.
While i was going home on the 74 bus to Ang Mo Kio, I looked at the slightly swollen bruise, rubbing it and thought to myself - how long am i going to hurt myself?
It's the next morning and I'm typing this post. I finally took a look at the bruise again - It's gone.
It still hurts when I press it though. But this is my problem, I guess. I'm like sand. Nothing sticks and I heal fast. Sometimes, I feel, too fast that nothing gets into my head.
I wonder if anyone can ever throw you a scolding saying,"You've got to start learning how to regret!"
Posted by
Audi
Labels:
My Life
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
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A bit of an update:
I just got debarred from Documentary Production module for attendance reasons (late and absent without MC). I wrote back and appeal, as encouraged (yea why not), and we'll see where it goes. I dont really bother because if i do get debarred the most i'll have to do is return next semester to finish off the module. Good thing is that next semester i do not have to come back to school because of IBP. I feel sorry for Mc Turk because AFP and Dircam and other modules overshadows his thus explaining the colorful standards of projects he's been receiving.
I did a check around and found out i have, so far, received four Fs this semester for assignments on different modules. Was kind of a shock but cant do anything about it now... learn and move on.
I have a short one-minute film to direct next sunday August the 5th. I'm pretty hyped about this project since it's a commercial for Adidas and we're receiving sponsorship from them though only apparels.
This time i liased with Jimmy Low since I once asked him why not direct a short action film. He seems pretty excited since I gave him some interesting things to do.
The story is simple - Two poor guys looking at a shoe when a snatch thief steals a handbag from a women. They chase the fella, catch him, then a fight starts. Naturally the good guy wins when he's passed the Adidas shoe giving him super powers. Then of course, a comdeic punch line.
I'm using Stephen Chow's movies like Kungfu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer as a reference to instill some comedy in it. The film's only one minute anyways.
So i came up to Uncle Jimmy and asked him,"Uncle Jimmy... can your stuntboys fight?"
"Can."
"Can you do wire stunts for me?"
"Can. No problem."
"Can you make the guy run up the wall, do mid-air kick combos and throw the fella around?"
"Also can."
"Okay, Uncle Jimmy, i want the good guy to kick the thief.. a high kick... then the fella flies across the corridor, through a set of flourescent tubes, then off the 2nd floor railing and onto the 1st storey's floor. Can?"
He looks at me for a while then says...
".... Can do wan la dont worry."
At the same time i asked Uncle Jimmy if I could have a sequence of sparks as well and he agreed.
Then i asked the most important question. I knew this kind of effects would run me into a couple thousands.
"So how much would all these cost?"
"Dont worry la. Plus minus i give you one thousand can already."
Score!
I'm currently planning shots with Uncle Jimmy and went to a few locations around Balestier and Sembawang. We needed a shopping centre or an arcade.
My DOP is Hanna (zzz). I brought Tharik and Viky in as well so that they can learn something from Uncle Jimmy instead of going around looking at the sky.
I find that I'm having a hard time getting a crew. Probably because of me or probably because of the AFP1 blunder. Or maybe i'm putting more on my plate than i can eat. Maybe. And most probably. But of course, some seem to be interested on what I'm gonna blow up next.
I can only hope Uncle Jimmy can whack me to shape during pre-production.
Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing wrong or what the hell am I doing in this course.
Daryl, on the other hand, has a made a name for himself and people are having high hopes on him.
I know I do.
Posted by
Audi
Labels:
Filmmaking
,
Jimmy Low
I've currently been harassed by most of my IBP group members including my advisor (well... almost. He's so kind.)
I'm in charge of the scriptwriting for this 15 minute final project of the course. After weeks of Don, the director, doing the writing, the baton has been passed to me.
The story's basically about an Indian boy, 8, who finds friendship with a wheelchair-bound Chinese old lady, 78.
I'm practically writing with only a rough plan lined up. After writing so many scripts I've expected the story to grow itself rather than be regimented to like a Bonsai Kitten.
Amidst all the harassing from the rest on why the script isnt out yet, I noticed something about everything else around me.
It's like Yin and Yang, birth and death, the cycle of life and you are what you are because of what your parents did to their parents.
What is the difference between a child and an adult?
From such a young age we've all learned to lie. We've al learned to deceive. We know what makes us happy and what doesnt make us happy.
From the time we couldnt walk to the next time we couldnt walk.
Maybe the only reason why babies dont talk is because their vocal chords and mouth coordination isnt developed yet?
Why do we take such good care of the children when we neglect the older people?
If the child "has so much to live for" then shouldnt the older people be "had so much life lived"?
I've had this image in my mind recently. You know how people keep saying "to climb up" or "to achive the top" in life or success or whatever.
So in the mind is a graph that goes up and up and up. A little streak of light that climbs up from a single entity. Around this single entity are more streaks of light that beam from other entities - these are their friends, parents, the people around them.
But what if the real image isnt a blanket of lights streaming up from little balls?
What if all the balls are on the same level. Everyone starts off from the same level. Instead of how high your streaks of light are to measure ur success, what if the more successful you are equates to how big the glow is of the ball? Then the only way to measure ur success is by how many other balls around you are swallowed from your glow.
Finally, instead of a bumpy terrain of balls shooting light up in the sky, you have a field of glowing balls in the night, some glowing brighter and bigger than others while others fizzle and die out after a while.. even before the beholder passes on in real life.
Maybe this is how the angels see the good deeds you do? Maybe this glowing is what they equate to the level of your enlightenment?
It's kinda interesting for me to think about this. To think about the common goal we all should achieve as long as we're alive.
But until then, i've got to finish up this damned script.
Posted by
Audi
Labels:
My Life
,
Sincere coffessions
Saturday, July 21, 2007
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Hello and welcome to Sulaimi's masterpiece production, Do'a!
Do'A means "Prayer", btw.
Here is Faried, your Public-Relations guy and your fantastic 1st Assistant Cameraman. He does the technical part of the camera.
Saturday morning Sulaimi scheduled the fight scene first. Call time was 8am at Arab street, behind the mosque in Bugis. A few days beforehand I expected that i might need an extra pair of hands for the fight scene partly because I'm still not that clear on what I needed to do as a Stunt Director. Naturally i called in Kwang Wei since he is now Jimmy Low's part-time ginna.
Me rolling my cigarrette while sitting on a road block. I think this whole shoot I've been doing lots of balancing postures. Damn my white crane kungfu training. (bhb bhb bhb bhb bhb lol)
But of course i had to call Daryl in as well since we pakatpakatbraderbraderforevertogether but at 9am the fella still haven show up.
I planned two shots for the fight scene. Pretty simple and i wanted it handheld since I felt it was much easier to do and had more impact. First shot was a close up of the wall, then the main character is thrown onto it, camera pulls back and the three gangsters rush in and beat him up. At the same time take close-ups of his reaction and all the feet kicking. That one movement can cover three different shots so i thought it was good. Save time.
The second shot was an over-the-shoulder to the main character's face. Then I'll punch him. Finish.
I went through with Sulaimi the shot and he was all "WAH NICE NICE NICE" and Sammy-boy was there with his camera "YAYAYA GOOD GOOD!"
Too bad in the end the second shot was scraped and Earl didnt wanna do handheld for the first shot so the camera was static all the way. zzz.
I still cannot believe my forearm looks like that.
After that I got Kwang Wei to help me with the padding up of the actor since Sulaimi, Faried and I will act as gangsters and beat him up. Uncle Jimmy was too kind to lend us the entire body kit pack inclusive of four wooden sticks (props) to use, for free. Normally the cost will come into a few hundreds.
I got the actor to strip down to his underwear (lucky i warned him beforehand so he showed up in spandex) and started to put on the padding.
Then took off his clothes so that I can strap on the many layers of padding for him.
I've seen Jimmy's boys putting up all the padding for a Mediacorp shoot so i was simply following. But as usual la so many people shoot their opinions while i'm doing my stuff. Some even said "Dunnit padding la all these."
Lucky i never listen lol. Later you see.
The Stunt Production, baby.
I made a mistake in the padding. After putting up the armor pads and forearm pads I forgot the important areas which are the armpits.
Michelle then came in to do on the bruises. She looked so pretty that day under the hot sun. Yishun people forever man!
Ive gotta learn how to do bruises.
On the other corner Jassel, Faried and Rei were posing around with Jimmy's props.
Bi-racial gangsters. Sorry to all the indians.
Shooting was about to start and Daryl still hasnt arrived. Aiya.... brader brader.....
I went on to lay my blood on top of Mitch's bruises. A few days ago in the library i saw a picture in one of the Hong Kong Action Cinema books of I think Jackie Cheung or Andy Lau in a fight scene and he was bloody. I studied the picture a bit and saw that they added in blood around the ears. Very beautiful. So i tried that effect on this shoot.
I still dont think i laid down the blood correctly. Looks very boring.
I wonder how my secondary school friends would think once they see me doing stuff like this. Different of the different.
Shoot started and so we started whacking.
During telecine we were looking at the footage that was processed and we started laughing. For one, Faried was really whacking with the stick. Sulaimi didnt know how to kick and I was kicking like a bloody spring it turned from funny to unbearable to watch.
After every take I checked on the actor to see how he's doing and everytime he either says, "No! No problem!" or "A bit pain la but nevermind."
So i took his word for it. After all i was kicking his ribs and if i kick too hard i dont think the padding can withstand it.
The scene was over.. then Daryl came in. Wah lan deh... if he was someone else i hated (for example.. ppl who can only critic films but cannot make films..) I swear he'll be in hospital now cause i curse him to get hit by ten taxis and one bus. But it's Daryl, man!
Actually i only needed Kwang Wei and Daryl for that scene only but i kept quiet lol. Let them follow the whole day. Kwang Wei was doing a good job already anyways.
We packed up and left for the next location - Tampines Secondary School.
With my two helpers around, and on a location outdoors that doesnt even need light at all... I felt so dumb sitting around, climbing on vans, looking at Faried changing film stock or going to the toilet pissing on the floor.
In fact, with the two of them around I was lost because I had nothing to do... they took all my job! LOL
So i sit down do slate la. Knn sit also like bird.
Talk cock sing song on the back of the van. Whatever. Anything!
After on we moved to a coursemate's house to shoot a masturbation scene.
I'm putting this picture in simple because it's jsut the two of us in a dark room.......... hahahahahhaha.....
My objective in this scene is to make this room look like day time. Sunlight shining through the windows etc etc. Earl told me what lights to use and where to fix it. Simple.
I think it was fine. Doesnt look like day though to me eyes but it's probably because i knew it was around 9pm already when we started shooting.
I simply find it difficult to get horny during this production. Only the morning erection gets me horny.
This was when I totally found nothing else to do because Kwang Wei and Dardar filled up my space. The room was fuckingly hot and humid. There were seven to nine people in that little room with two lights and during takes we cannot switch the fan on because of the boom mic. What to do but sit outside in the living room and SLEEP! hahahaha...
But fuck man everyone was so tired already since the morning. We only had two hours of sleep the day before. :(
Lack of sleep makes everyone crazy.
Lol Earl.
The side of Earl he wishes to hide. Too bad. ahhahaahaaaha.
Jassel. Fucking cool guy. Another one of those people i like to sit nearby to listen to his life story. Fucking fun man.
Monkey God Sammy-boy the Producer. Fella so tiny that he can squeeze anywhere to take pictures.
Soundman Rei. I think the sound department quite fun because only one person can hear whatever you are doing and that person is you. Then you can just sit one corner and order your boom person around and all you gotta do is wait for sound to clear and press record. And if you have a sound logger to do your timecode then wow.
And Faried. Nice composition.
Sorry la Janice our Assistant Director no picture. The pictures of her come out either unglam or some part of her face will be out of frame. lol
oh ya oh ya!
Me! AHAHHAHAHHAHAHA buay hao bai. So fucking short.
The next day (sunday) we went over to Changi Prison Link to shoot a simple scene.
It was near all those high class terrace houses. I hate most of the people living in all these houses. These fuckers drive their fancy cars (or not so fancy but act fancy.) and go around looking at us with their half-closed eyes and pointy noise. Wah lau. Eh limpei is millionaire son okay but you still see me half naked along the roadside, correct or not? Pcb these kind of ppl.
Sky shot!
Shoot bird.
Our main actor came on time in the morning. First thing he did when he saw me was go, "Eh Audi audi! Come see see see!
He took of his shirt and turned his left side to me.
I see already I want to die.
Apparently the mistake i made in not properly padding him paid off here when Faried used the wooden stick (which is actually styrofoam) to beat his un-padded part. There's actually a proper way to beat someone safely with a stick but i think because of the distance of the wall and the length of the stick didnt allow Faried to do it like i asked him to. So the beating burst-ed a few blood vessels resulting in the bruise.
I rememebr that Sunday morning Sulaimi said to me,"Eh Audi go and tell Jimmy that his padding doesnt work la."
At that point of time i wanted to blow up. How can Uncle Jimmy make stupid mistakes like that? His equipment are all high quality and has travelled on so many stunts and productions. He uses these same padding to do motorcycle stunts so dont say that equipment is lousy, understand!
So i told him,"Fuck la it's my fault. It's not Uncle Jimmy's. Its mine la i forgot to pad his this this this this." Act very stupid la nevermind. I cant stand it when people shoot Uncle Jimmy. Like just now in the SIM canteen this guy from outside came and was talking with me and my DOP for the next project. My next project will have stunts and he started mentioning Jimmy Low. So i blur blur la ask him how is Jimmy. He started saying Jimmy was this this this this very garang etc etc. I jsut sat down and listened.
Then I told him,"Jimmy ar.... haha.... my shifu. He teaching me all these now." and told him of our adventures.
His direction changed straight away and started saying,"Oh but he's a nice guy la..." this and that. Lol cb cannot cover backside dun say a fucking thing, understand.
But fuck that man. Actor was proud of his bruises ( he was even telling me how we can use the pictures as reference of bruises!) and Faried also was happily taking pictures.
Poke the bruise also not pain. So i guess it's only a surface vessel tear. Nothing big la.
Superstar. I've always said that the best lighting is natural sunlight simple because it's God's creation.
The next location we went over to a coffeeshop at the industrial park near Tampines Ikea. Not a bad place. A lot of banglas and very quiet. But the toilets felt very funny. We were shooting in the female toilet and i was looking at the ceiling when suddenly i felt like something was there. Nothing to be afraid la. Just say sorry for staring can already.
Gaffer resting. I still cannot get horny no matter how hard i try.
It was a pretty pleasant shoot. Earl did his thing. Faried did his thing. Sound crew did their thing. I did my thing. While the creative-section of the team were sitting around doing all the creative stuff the technical people were setting up. I had a lot of fun figuring out how to coil wires and then lay them nicely on the ground. I felt like an electrician for a while. After that my job was done and all was left were to creative people to finish their thing. I sat back in one corner, enjoying the breeze, eating biscuits and admiring my handy cable-laying work.
Examples of the Malay race.
lol i should that pic on wikipedia.
Joking la.
Halfway through the shoot Faried noticed that the camera lens was dropping by a few milimetres. This was bad because the focus would definitely by off. They started making a jumbo-ball of gaffer tape on the lens to try and hold it in place with the adapter but the lens started falling off. I went in to look around and see what they were doing.
Then i think think think... "Eh... use chopstick la."
I borrowed chopsticks from a stall nearby and I helped Faried tape the thing up to the camera. By the time the other team members came scurrying back with rafia string borrowed from some monkey nearby everything was okay.
It worked pretty well. Back in telecine we saw the focus of the camera degrade as the film went on and got to its worst when we started the coffeeshop scene. After the chopstick fix everything was in clear focus. Lucky the group was cool and steady. I know of other group will start doing some funny funny thing with the camera or worse.... cry on set and cancel the shoot. Kudos to Earl and Faried!
That night we shot at a mosque in Pasir Ris. Call time was 10pm and aimed to wrap up at 4am, monday morning. Daryl was kind enough to come back for the shoot (say already what.. braderbradertogetherwhateveranything).
This was the last scene of the film and Sulaimi wanted it to be all magnificient and beatiful.
Now you see the pictures and tell me if the lighting is beautiful.
Monkey God in a mosque?!
Police drama lol.
We had the whole mosque to ourselves and that was some cool producing done by Sammy. At this point of time i was already burnt out. Nothing i was doing was concious and everything started to become really blur. Faried will call me and before he finishes his sentence i'm already walking away because i know what he wants. So all the time it was automatic. Even with Daryl around all i could do was sit in a chair i took from somewhere and sit down. After a while Jassel disappeared. We found him sleeping soundly later ahhaahah.
R.O.C - Relac One Corner.
DOP and Director discussing shots. We only had 6 minutes of film left.
Rei touching up the actor's "tattoo". Our graphic artist came for only a day and the rest of us didnt know how to do tattoos. If anyone had that kind of ugly blotch of ink on their arm i dunno whether to laugh or be scared shitless of his stupidity.
Daryl started playing with the camera and I'm impressed that he managed to capture some good shots.
For example, me. AHHAHAHA knn i shld stop this.
i sent that photo up to my AADB.com.sg profile.
And a shot of my lovely long neck. The Rock says.......
too bad my skin condition is fucked up.
In return I shot one of Daryl.
yee haw!
Then I posed for him what has become the "Audi pose".
White Crane style! Actually I do this on set when they start rolling. Useful for crowd control so that they dun walk on set. Since i dun speak Hakka or Hokkien and i definitely dont speak Bangla, this pose alone stops people in their tracks. I'm so glad i shaved my armpits before the shoot......
And the final shot... pray for the film!
We have a reshoot of the masturbation scene and prison scene this coming wednesday because of the lens problem.. everything was out of focus. But shouldnt be a problem, really since we know how the set up will be like and stuff. i'm looking forward to it.
Tomorrow I'm going off for Don Aravind's shoot. They have a couple of dickheads in their group so i'm coming in to fill up for them... as a GAFFER! WHOO!!!
I'm acting as a bodyguard too tomorrow so yeah baby!
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