The days I go to war, slothing about in turpentine, feeling its acid teeth sinking into the skins of my hands. Touching gunpowder, mixing chemicals, making miracles out of electricity.
The nights, I give out and receive calls from friends. Some ask for help. Some need help. Some ask for ideas. Sometimes I give ideas and we make something else... starting new projects, scraping the old, developing new things for work and for play.
It's all fun and good. Many of times I've been praised. Been called "promising". Been called "a big brother". Been described as "a good piece of jade, but carved wrongly". Viky looks to me and watches me in awe as I train him. Kwang Wei recognises me as something. Don puts his arms around my shoulder and call me "brother". Uncle Jimmy says i'm a very big hope for everyone.
Then comes near midnight. And suddenly, it's like I wasnt even worth anything before. Has it really been so long since I was subdued by anyone? Everyday, so lucky, so easy. Then comes a small little girl. The faint sound of her "hello" makes me melt. Falling into desperation... into confusion. I dont know what I am anymore.
Maybe this is the downfall of man. Maybe this is why great man never became great. The real me would say, "Leave it. It's not good for you."
But the softer man in me doesnt want to.
A soldier in the front lines, a slave at home.
Posted by
Audi
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Jimmy Low
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My Life
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Things to come....
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