When I woke up the next morning from the Esplanade show last Monday, I had major pains throughout my body. I was already sneezing by that time so I called the office and told him I might be down with a fever.

Well, it's Friday now and I'm still on the road to recovery.

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It's a pretty funny fever, this one. I didn't get sick on Ubin, don't tell me I got sick at Esplanade. This fever was pretty big as well. I couldn't walk, stand up straight or even speak for long. Everything around me was yellow or had this yellow hue. For a moment I thought I had jaundice or something. Uncle Jimmy asked if I had offended anything.

I don't think so. If anything, I think our "brothers" have been pretty comfortable with me around.

Uncle Jimmy nursed me back to health with Chinese medicine and a round of 'gua sha' and within the day I was able to walk again. I recommend you get a round of gua sha massage from him. Works wonders.

This whole week when I was sick I can't really do much but lay down and day dream. I spent nights in the dark laying on my back and stretching my feet or feeling the bed frame... that sort of thing. This feeling.... this "childhood feeling"... I don't know if I'm the only one that recognizes it... the kind where you can feel, sense, smell and hear like you were back in primary school again... that feeling. When the feeling returned I was overjoyed in a way. It was a luxury because it brought me back to the time where responsibilities were lesser and you don't easily screw your name up everyday.

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I thought about NS, which is a week from now. I still can't shake this feeling that something's about to happen this month down the road. Some sort of emergency. I tried to reason with myself, saying it's just me scared of being in a new environment. I don't think so. My everyday occupation already tells that I'm not afraid of new environments.

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I guess it's been my lifelong dream to die in uniform. Well, not exactly my dream... but literally a dream I had. It was back when I was younger. Not exactly sure when. But for a period of time I had recurring dreams of dying in uniform. And it was always after disembarking from a vehicle, on a beach, facing inland and getting shot in the head. Then again, everyone dreams of a heroic death.

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The first night I had the fever, the Projections 08 was scheduled in school. It's basically a screening of all the IBP films from my batch of FSVs.

By then I was a walking doorknob. My entire body was numb and my head hurt like hell. But I had to bring my parents over to see the films. It's at least something small I could do.

So I came in dressed in rags, my cap pulled down to the lowest to cover my face and a face towel in my hands to blow my runny nose. I didn't give a damn about who was there in the screening. I only saw Leanord since he was standing at the door and I gave him a quick wave.

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The entire Projections was a bore. It was 3 hours long. I heard from people that our batch had one the best output of films. Well... what a waste. The sound on most of them was crap... and I recall that group of dicks calling themselves sound people walking around school boasting about how they have their own audio studio and all the funny effects.

I saw the film that got the "Best Film Award" and I shook my head in disgust. The picture is nice. Oh it was fantastic. But otherwise.... nothing much to talk about. Some of the other films were really bad. One of them actually looked like it was made by Secondary school AV club members. I can tell exactly which one... but the hint is... it's the one that has a gun. That sucked balls.

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When Don and Daryl's film came up, I was relieved. It was the only thing I came there for. I was in their group but I'd never watched our own film before. Blame it on my attitude (I was already travelling everywhere with TSP by then).

Don gave me his word that it was nothing like we ever saw in those useless meetings we had with advisors. Turns out, Don was right. I really liked the film on the first run. It was a bittersweet thing for us I guess. We know how much we shot, how many different versions we could churn out and how many times we had to reshoot scenes. It was a funny thing... our production crew went from seven people (the biggest group!) to four people. The final four was nobody else but Don, Daryl, Rahman and me.

After Projections I quickly walked out of the building, passing by my classmates who were gathering and cheering in the middle of the aisles. I stood outside in the night where it was a bit warm.... but I was shivering to the bones already. The fever got worse by then and I had to leave. I didn't even stay for the reception or met up with Don to greet him.

Back at home, I passed out on my bed.

I don't remember what time of the night was it, but I was woken up by someone shouting. I remember it clearly - "INDONESIAN EARTHQUAKE!" and "STOP SMOKING!"

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It went on for quite a while and I started kicking around. The voice still wouldn't go away so I said to myself, "Fuck it" and turned to my side to sleep. I don't know whose voice was it, but it was right beside me, and it kept on shouting until I went to sleep again.

The next morning I told Uncle Jimmy about it and he told me to keep that in mind and that I was blessed. Honestly, this isn't my first time having some anonymous being coming to me in my sleep and telling me stuff. The other one I had was in Ubin.

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I was dreaming about the day that just passed and suddenly all the characters in the dream e.g. the cast and crew, started to speak differently. I remember Ah Nam very clearly. He was squatting and he turned to me and in a down-to-earth manner said, "Don't masturbate hor. Don't do at night."

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It's hilarious to hear in retrospect but it sounded like a warning at that time since it was one of our first nights and things around were still "new". Another voice said, "Burn josstick okay."

So if anyone asks, that was the reason why I burned a josstick every two nights in ubin. And yes I didn't jack off.

The days before we left Ubin i overheard that every other person had at least one "encounter" during the nights we stayed there whereas mine was peaceful as hell. What was even more amusing was once when Neil, one of the art department, was sleeping on the top floor of the chalet. You climb up the stairs and you're basically climbing into their room.

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What happened here was I somehow woke up early, and was the only one awake... everyone else overslept. Normally i'd be the last to wake up. I climbed the stairs and peeked over at the bed just in time to see Neil kick his leg in the air. Now, he is one big-sized mofo and to see him jerk that hard is something. I climbed to the foot of his bed and leaned over to wake him up. But by then he was already half awake and was spooked when he saw me at the foot of his bed.

It was only after we were about to leave Ubin that he told me that night someone poked his ribs again and the time I saw him jerk was the time it happened. It's amusing for me because at that point of time, in that room, looking at him, there was another being with us and right beside Neil, poking him.

It's my last week before NS. Better get my stuff ready.

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