Saturday, May 31, 2008
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It's been a week since the end of the Pulau Hantu shoot on the 25th of May. I took a few days rest... though it was difficult to find time for it. I did a lot of miracles on Ubin and that was fun yet tiring. We barely had six hours of sleep for two weeks. But that wasn't so bad compared to the next couple of days we shot back on the mainland.
After the human torch stunt I did, I received a small bit of fanfare especially from the make-up girls. There was one I liked to flirt with and it was a funny thing; she wanted it, I acted like I didn't. One point of time we even "quarrelled" on set because she deemed me very un-gentlemanly for not offering a seat for her. I was never known to be a gentleman... not after the cunts from secondary school. On the last day however we had this moment after the AD claimed production was over. We stood along the corridor of Monk's Hill Secondary. It was night, and near pitch-black. She and I stood there. We knew what was on our minds but I wasn't ready for a relationship nor a night of raunchy sex. I find it kind of cute how it played out. We stared at each other, grins on our faces. We nodded. She sheepishly blurted,"Bye. Thanks."
I gave a smile and went,"You too. Thanks."
I gave her a tight hug that lasted a couple of seconds longer than usual and she giggled when I looked at her again. It sent shivers up my spine because I found the entire situation melodramatic.
But then there's another girl doing wardrobe that I then really thought of. She's older... and I liked that. But nothing really happened since I knew I was too immature to start anything with a girl her age. I've got nothing to show.
Like I said, before I digressed, it was difficult to find time to rest. All I wanted was a full day of sitting in front of my X360 and hammering at GTA IV. But I was committed to Uncle Jimmy. I cleaned the weapons to send back to CISCO. It's not easy when some parts were caked with mud and the gunpowder residue in the chamber started to become pasty.
Work seems to have never stopped for me since I joined The Stunt Production exactly a year ago. Even after Pulau Hantu I was going around for meetings at FEG and event companies and discussing scripts and films with other people. I was basically tagging along with Uncle Jimmy and we've gone to the relationship where we knew who has what task. I found myself to be the secretary and logistics person. Just the past couple of days I was breaking down a script for an upcoming feature film set in World War 2 and doing logistics calculation for stunts. Uncle Jimmy never reads scripts and we have had some problems occur because of that. I felt we needed to cover our asses somehow.
We were over at the Esplanade yesterday to hand over a couple of carbines to a theatre play for the Singapore Arts Festival. I was standing outside the theatre hall, listening to the schedules, when Uncle Jimmy said,"Eh... isn't your graduation tomorrow?"
Turns out, it was. I forgot about my graduation ceremony... how about that?
My parents were overly excited about my graduation day. I understand why... they're parents, after all. They were very meticulous about the condition of the robe... who got what awards... who is who on the prize list and so on. I never understood that part. All the while I'm constantly thinking of the next shoot and what effects are going to be used. Anything related to school left my mind since I worked on Mediacorp earlier this year. To me, school became just another excuse for a piece of paper.
I went back to school today for graduation. I met Don and Kwang Wei first. Then the usual people I always hung out with. These were great people I liked. We clicked and talked. Remember how I mentioned I hated it when people start a conversation with "So, what are you doing now?". Well, it didn't happen with them. The others, though, were a bunch of asses. I remember guys who were... dicks... in school. There's no other way to describe them. These are the colorful bunch of dicks who have absolutely no sense of whatever they are doing but tell people what to do and criticize others. You know that guy who laughs at every mistake other groups make in their films? Giving sarcastic one liners hoping someone will laugh? He's the guy everyone is annoyed with? And for some reason those who hang out with that guy are a bunch of dicks themselves? Yeah.. those guys.
I've been working non-stop since I left school and these guys have probably been at home jacking off the whole time and watching artsy films, memorizing lines in movies and calling themselves a film student. Then here they come to everyone with the most annoying question - what have you been doing? Where are you working now?
The most annoying thing is that they give this little smirk when you tell them what you're doing and then they lash you with sarcastic comments.
In the words of Jimmy Low, I say,"Fuck these bastards."
Daryl came around late and we didn't have the chance to get face-to-face till the moments before we went up to receive our piece of paper. It was like seeing an old friend again. I gave him a hug and that's when I realised I've been pretty much of a bastard myself. I haven't kept in contact with any of my poly mates since January except when it was work related. In a way, I vanished. I find it rude since these were the guys who hammered me on my IBP for my own good and the time we spent on the road in the wee hours in the night was just invaluable. We were like a band on the road armed with just the clothes on our back dreaming of the day to perform on a big stage at a sold-out arena. That, my friends, is something not many Singaporeans our age could understand anymore.
Throughout the ceremony I watched as the prize winners came up to receive whatever extra things they "achieved". Kwang Wei and I were laughing at the many varieties of "Cock Awards" given out. A couple received a Mediacorp award and that was the punchline. I find the entire thing a vanity parade. Here I am sitting with Don, Surya, Desh, Michelle and so on, watching the "high-flyers" getting their awards. It was silly. If anything, those I were sitting with deserved these vanity awards.
I whispered to Don about it and he mentioned,"Audi, these people are the ones who have been getting awards since Year One. Even if they weren't in our course, they will be high-flyers. They're just that kind of breed that are top student material no matter where you put them."
I guess life is just like that. After working everyday on many different shoots and many different people... ultimately, school means nothing. At most, I believe, it's just that extra push you need to get a headstart in the industry. I didn't learn anything that cannot be read about online or in books from my three years in this course. I'm not the only one who thinks that, believe me. We can all agree, though, that spending 3 months on a shoot is worth more than 3 years in a film school. It's all about that damned piece of toilet paper.
During the reception I was back into "work mode" and already anxious since I had to go over to the Esplanade for work. It goes to show how conditioned I am to this mentality. It saddens me in a way.
I didn't hang around much and didn't bother to rub shoulders with lecturers. I only did shake hands with a couple - Chin Boo and Dr.Victor Valbuena.
I hated a lot of lecturers. Many were total bastards. But these two were the ones I remember for being actual teachers.
My parents were somehow neglected by me as well. I didn't bring them around or take much pictures or even had a conversation as a family. In retrospect, I feel really bad. As a son, I didn't share their excitement to see myself graduate. In their eyes, they see it as a big event... regardless of the bullshit that happens behind the scenes and the fact that I couldn't care less about this whole graduation thing. I disappointed them a lot.
It's a pretty bitter thing, my relationship with my parents. I've done some spectacular things at work this past 12 months. I've sent people up into the sky, swung them off buildings, got shot at by countless different rifles, rigged up explosives, handled and fired weapons and been lit on fire four times in a row. After all the hoohaa, the good wishes from friends, the actors and big bosses I've met and praises we get from production companies... my parents have no idea about all this. They're still in the dark on whatever I've been doing.
It's not anything... I just don't know how to show it all to them. We never had this culture of sitting at the dining table and talking. How do I tell them that I've been lifted up three storeys high on wires or been set on fire when they're already so worried whenever I step out of the house? Before I even walk the length of my corridor, my mom would have already told me to pray, don't talk to strangers, don't take drugs, and don't do anything 'funny'. My parents don't even know i've been smoking for the past two years!
I'm going into NS soon. It's on the 13th of June, exactly two weeks from now. I'm being posted to Tekong, School One. I think before that I should tell them everything. I'm not quite sure how. It will be such a dick of me to break their hearts and then vanish for the next month or so. It's not that I don't care for my parents. It's just that I don't know how to do it. It could be ego... or shyness... or whatever. But I have to get this settled before shit hits the fan.
If my prediction for the future means anything, it's not going to be a fun time from this June onwards. I'm actually accepting the possibility that I won't be coming back from NS.
After the human torch stunt I did, I received a small bit of fanfare especially from the make-up girls. There was one I liked to flirt with and it was a funny thing; she wanted it, I acted like I didn't. One point of time we even "quarrelled" on set because she deemed me very un-gentlemanly for not offering a seat for her. I was never known to be a gentleman... not after the cunts from secondary school. On the last day however we had this moment after the AD claimed production was over. We stood along the corridor of Monk's Hill Secondary. It was night, and near pitch-black. She and I stood there. We knew what was on our minds but I wasn't ready for a relationship nor a night of raunchy sex. I find it kind of cute how it played out. We stared at each other, grins on our faces. We nodded. She sheepishly blurted,"Bye. Thanks."
I gave a smile and went,"You too. Thanks."
I gave her a tight hug that lasted a couple of seconds longer than usual and she giggled when I looked at her again. It sent shivers up my spine because I found the entire situation melodramatic.
But then there's another girl doing wardrobe that I then really thought of. She's older... and I liked that. But nothing really happened since I knew I was too immature to start anything with a girl her age. I've got nothing to show.
Like I said, before I digressed, it was difficult to find time to rest. All I wanted was a full day of sitting in front of my X360 and hammering at GTA IV. But I was committed to Uncle Jimmy. I cleaned the weapons to send back to CISCO. It's not easy when some parts were caked with mud and the gunpowder residue in the chamber started to become pasty.
Work seems to have never stopped for me since I joined The Stunt Production exactly a year ago. Even after Pulau Hantu I was going around for meetings at FEG and event companies and discussing scripts and films with other people. I was basically tagging along with Uncle Jimmy and we've gone to the relationship where we knew who has what task. I found myself to be the secretary and logistics person. Just the past couple of days I was breaking down a script for an upcoming feature film set in World War 2 and doing logistics calculation for stunts. Uncle Jimmy never reads scripts and we have had some problems occur because of that. I felt we needed to cover our asses somehow.
We were over at the Esplanade yesterday to hand over a couple of carbines to a theatre play for the Singapore Arts Festival. I was standing outside the theatre hall, listening to the schedules, when Uncle Jimmy said,"Eh... isn't your graduation tomorrow?"
Turns out, it was. I forgot about my graduation ceremony... how about that?
My parents were overly excited about my graduation day. I understand why... they're parents, after all. They were very meticulous about the condition of the robe... who got what awards... who is who on the prize list and so on. I never understood that part. All the while I'm constantly thinking of the next shoot and what effects are going to be used. Anything related to school left my mind since I worked on Mediacorp earlier this year. To me, school became just another excuse for a piece of paper.
I went back to school today for graduation. I met Don and Kwang Wei first. Then the usual people I always hung out with. These were great people I liked. We clicked and talked. Remember how I mentioned I hated it when people start a conversation with "So, what are you doing now?". Well, it didn't happen with them. The others, though, were a bunch of asses. I remember guys who were... dicks... in school. There's no other way to describe them. These are the colorful bunch of dicks who have absolutely no sense of whatever they are doing but tell people what to do and criticize others. You know that guy who laughs at every mistake other groups make in their films? Giving sarcastic one liners hoping someone will laugh? He's the guy everyone is annoyed with? And for some reason those who hang out with that guy are a bunch of dicks themselves? Yeah.. those guys.
I've been working non-stop since I left school and these guys have probably been at home jacking off the whole time and watching artsy films, memorizing lines in movies and calling themselves a film student. Then here they come to everyone with the most annoying question - what have you been doing? Where are you working now?
The most annoying thing is that they give this little smirk when you tell them what you're doing and then they lash you with sarcastic comments.
In the words of Jimmy Low, I say,"Fuck these bastards."
Daryl came around late and we didn't have the chance to get face-to-face till the moments before we went up to receive our piece of paper. It was like seeing an old friend again. I gave him a hug and that's when I realised I've been pretty much of a bastard myself. I haven't kept in contact with any of my poly mates since January except when it was work related. In a way, I vanished. I find it rude since these were the guys who hammered me on my IBP for my own good and the time we spent on the road in the wee hours in the night was just invaluable. We were like a band on the road armed with just the clothes on our back dreaming of the day to perform on a big stage at a sold-out arena. That, my friends, is something not many Singaporeans our age could understand anymore.
Throughout the ceremony I watched as the prize winners came up to receive whatever extra things they "achieved". Kwang Wei and I were laughing at the many varieties of "Cock Awards" given out. A couple received a Mediacorp award and that was the punchline. I find the entire thing a vanity parade. Here I am sitting with Don, Surya, Desh, Michelle and so on, watching the "high-flyers" getting their awards. It was silly. If anything, those I were sitting with deserved these vanity awards.
I whispered to Don about it and he mentioned,"Audi, these people are the ones who have been getting awards since Year One. Even if they weren't in our course, they will be high-flyers. They're just that kind of breed that are top student material no matter where you put them."
I guess life is just like that. After working everyday on many different shoots and many different people... ultimately, school means nothing. At most, I believe, it's just that extra push you need to get a headstart in the industry. I didn't learn anything that cannot be read about online or in books from my three years in this course. I'm not the only one who thinks that, believe me. We can all agree, though, that spending 3 months on a shoot is worth more than 3 years in a film school. It's all about that damned piece of toilet paper.
During the reception I was back into "work mode" and already anxious since I had to go over to the Esplanade for work. It goes to show how conditioned I am to this mentality. It saddens me in a way.
I didn't hang around much and didn't bother to rub shoulders with lecturers. I only did shake hands with a couple - Chin Boo and Dr.Victor Valbuena.
I hated a lot of lecturers. Many were total bastards. But these two were the ones I remember for being actual teachers.
My parents were somehow neglected by me as well. I didn't bring them around or take much pictures or even had a conversation as a family. In retrospect, I feel really bad. As a son, I didn't share their excitement to see myself graduate. In their eyes, they see it as a big event... regardless of the bullshit that happens behind the scenes and the fact that I couldn't care less about this whole graduation thing. I disappointed them a lot.
It's a pretty bitter thing, my relationship with my parents. I've done some spectacular things at work this past 12 months. I've sent people up into the sky, swung them off buildings, got shot at by countless different rifles, rigged up explosives, handled and fired weapons and been lit on fire four times in a row. After all the hoohaa, the good wishes from friends, the actors and big bosses I've met and praises we get from production companies... my parents have no idea about all this. They're still in the dark on whatever I've been doing.
It's not anything... I just don't know how to show it all to them. We never had this culture of sitting at the dining table and talking. How do I tell them that I've been lifted up three storeys high on wires or been set on fire when they're already so worried whenever I step out of the house? Before I even walk the length of my corridor, my mom would have already told me to pray, don't talk to strangers, don't take drugs, and don't do anything 'funny'. My parents don't even know i've been smoking for the past two years!
I'm going into NS soon. It's on the 13th of June, exactly two weeks from now. I'm being posted to Tekong, School One. I think before that I should tell them everything. I'm not quite sure how. It will be such a dick of me to break their hearts and then vanish for the next month or so. It's not that I don't care for my parents. It's just that I don't know how to do it. It could be ego... or shyness... or whatever. But I have to get this settled before shit hits the fan.
If my prediction for the future means anything, it's not going to be a fun time from this June onwards. I'm actually accepting the possibility that I won't be coming back from NS.
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