At about 3pm this afternoon, I got slapped in the face with this.
This is the result of my Cam and Lighting Ass 1, the one with the mannequin. I posted about it last march or june.
The first two lines, that were written by Andrew, reads, “I’m more than a little surprised by how weak this project is. I can only assume that you devoted very little time to it.”
When I read that I was … I was…. Gosh I have no frigging idea what to say!
All those sketches all those write ups that I personally went ahead to deliberately do overkill…. Then handing them out for feedback to clara and aik before finally trimming off all the lousy shots to hand it up…. ….. DAMMIT!
And it’s just frigging irony that Noise Singapore somehow liked those pictures and I somehow got selected for the Apprentice thingy… which to be honest I’m not really enjoying. Maybe it’s just my mentor or sth… artsyfartsyloolipoppoopydog.
Do you see that “10% deduction for lateness” thing as well?
Do you remember why it was late?
Oh.. right! Cause I was out the last night at some boring MOS underage party that’s held on a stupid weekday night!
And if I didn’t go.. nooooo.. wait… .. I cant! Cos if I don’t go people will lose… lose what? Lose money! And losing money is oh my fucking god-ly more fearful than handing up important assignments ON TIME…. Or ATTENDING SCHOOL.
I could’ve gotten a bloody C if I handed it early! Anything better than a D! look! D! = Daniel (hee hee. Laugh la you.)
Im pissed. Just look at these!
it’s like… “hey ya audi I liked your work and all but looky looky looky you’re late and you missed the train so sorry you cant tag along to Los Angeles! You can settle for NTU…”
KNNCCBWTFSIMILJ!!!!
Im like wtf’s happening to me!?!?!
Everything was going oh so well knnccb then suddenly some fucking childish boyfriend girlfriend crap comes along and those I thought would “be there” just go, “Meh… forget it. Go to sleep.”
WHAT THE HELL!??!?!?!
I’m not this angry.
Or even this angry…
I am THIS ANGRY
Then whee I go bradadatehtehdoodoo down the stupid spiral of Audi-Depressionism.
I do the WORST mistakes when I undergo periods of… stress.. or depression.. or whatever you call it. Just ask Hasrul. He keeps track for some weird reason.
I got my best advice yesterday afternoon while having dinner with Javis and Hasrul. I was figuring out why the fuck am I still single and whether my shameful track record of mindboggling-ly short relationships is the girl’s fault or mine. I mean.. cmon… FIVE ex-girlfriends and the longest you have is what…. Three months?
Backstory here is that my first girl, Xinni, dumped me, my second one I dumped her because I needed a breather, the third one because she couldn’t understand my love for walking long distance, the fourth one because… well.. private reasons and the last one (the best!) was because she was three years younger (I was sec 4), she never wanted to put her fringe down like how I like girls to have it and thirdly, to me, she just wasn’t “moving along” at my speed. Oh but we wrote stories to each other that was fun. Settling differences like, “One day this boy was unhappy at this girl because….”
I thought maybe it’s just Singapore and the way everyone’s been brought up. I’m all “live life to the fullest, biatch!” and they’re all “you siao ar!”.
Maybe it’s my interest. Maybe it’s my values and philosophy. Hasrul said I’m unpredictable and there are times I’m such a huge stone that’s stagnant, never moving, immovable and powerful whereas other times I’m this laser play of lights skimming through houses, blowing up, producing more light thingies that zoom here and there.
But then Javis layeth the smacketh down and said, “YOU care for yourself TOO MUCH.”
And everything just fell into place.
“Sometimes you need to wait for your girlfriend to catch up with you.”
And you see THIS is the type of advice I wanna hear. THIS is what truly helps. THIS bluntness and seemingly cold remarks work best on me. THIS is correct!
I’m just so sick of people telling me, “Relax la..” or “oh.. hahax… ok lorhz…” or “Just go to sleep.”
You know I think it’s just crap that…. Cause I have “close friends” who just REFUSE to open up. They’re just introvert, selfish bastards who just WONT share anything personal! And we’ve been hanging out for six years and things like that. WHAT GIVES!?!?
Are these people stupid or blind?! Do you all remember that post I wrote about the psychologist talking about friendship thingy? And kids masturbating each other lol that was funny.
What I wrote was that for a friendship to maintain there HAS GOT TO BE some level of exchange of personal thoughts or emotions.
It’s really… gaaahhhhh stupid fucktards. This is the fucking problem im having now… it’s that I just cant get any substantial advice from people I go out regularly with and that they just don’t allow their friends to see their problems.
I’m in deep shit right now and its just frigging irony that out of nowhere people whom I’ve never k-pooled or watched movie with every weekend come along giving me the whole bucket of horse backsides that I really need.
But I’m just so… geez fucking piss shit I thought I was doing fine in school! I have this goal of being a sort of powerhouse in class. Yeah.. that’s the word.. POWERHOUSE… this little guy who knows a lot and actually goes all out there to guide, if he could, his other classmates.
But then now I see it all and I’m just… blaahhhh fucking hell. My personal life has gone to pieces and I thought that was that and nothing could be worse. Then now my SCHOOL life… my PROFESSIONAL life.... seems to be going in the same direction; Fuck Hell Avenue.
I’m just afraid to see my CG project and how it’ll turn out. I’ve a feeling it’s gonna be turned away for some reason.
Another bloody irony I spotted were the grades between my 2-act and 3-act synopses.
We all know the huge mental torture I had figuring out the 2-act thingy. I even went to the library sourcing for books on screenwriting. I read about four in total. Start to finish, word for word. Jotting down notes and all that. But oh my god everything inside there were on 3-act structures! DAMMIT!
Then suddenly Edelweiss came in, written in just one night, given to Kwang Wei, Jia Hui and Daniel to critic, and suddenly it comes back with a huge:
Then I thought of really planning my three-act synopses. And I did…..
And I got a huge fat C+.
What.. The… TOOT?!
The smoking thing has been really bad. Just now in cam and lighting, I was carrying this huge case light that was extremely heavy. Normally I’d ignore the stresses on my body using the magical hippie wonders of ki energy studied during my Ki-aikido days and do what I have to do. But suddenly there was this stinging pain in the centre of my chest and I went all “ohhh noo……”
“Audi you have acute asthma.. remember…” Javis goes.
Yesterday night… smoking 7 sticks at one go while walking vis from northpoint to his home that’s about 400 metres away…. I came home feeling all weak. I had a lot of material and pics that were ready to be blogged but nooo I just had to lay down. My head felt….empty. I honestly felt stupid… as in.. stupid-blank. Not stupid-ididsthwrong.
I called Vis asking him what the hell was happening and he just went, “AUDI DON’T SMOKE!!”
Never got that kinda sms in my life. Ever. Never with exclamation marks. And this one had two.
Henry somehow got the news I was puffing. Probably from accidentally reading this old.. forgotten blog at the back of his mind after I started putting in more words than pictures (he got bored)…. And he gave me a really long sms. He’s one of those who’d usually reply, “ok.” or “no.”
I’ve heard of one-liners but this guy is a one-worder.
Long sms-es from henry = you really dunnit this time.
I felt anger in that sms… with a tinge of sadness and disappointment. But he really didn’t put that in words.
This phrase of word stuck in my mind, “You need a fresh start.”
And indeed so.
You know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna throw all these nonsense away (cigs, lighters, crappy groups of people who backstab each other and when someone comes in to tell them who’s backstabbing who they all gang up and shoot the guy down.). I’m gonna put things right where it should be. Henry says, “Clean your room, brighten it up…”. I wont take it literally because oh geez cleaning my room is like trying to comb Afro hair.. so figuratively, I’m gonna kill all those idiots…. And dump them in the haunted woodlands block rubbish chute (hi jia hui!). Then I’m gonna pawn all their worthless ass by scoring in school! HELLOOO UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!
And it starts. NOW!
First thing to do – CLEAN PHYSICAL SELF.
I went to the dentist.
And there’s bound to be more to come…. And shit rolls downhill so yeah this blog will go poot poot up the quality ladder as I work on myself.
So till then.. remember what I said…. As a friend.. it’s just fair that you don’t be an anal introvert hence SHARE YOUR BLOODY FEELINGS DAMMIT!
Henry’s last words were, “Only you can help yourself. I can’t help you.”
Ohh buddy don’t go there…..
P.S. Thank you all for your care and concern. Well at least now we know who really gives a damn. But then again the whole world’s not for me to take. Oh, and I would like to share with you that I only took in one stick today.
I can imagine old time smokers going, “whahaah knnccb wth 3 days only already so sick and drama.”
This is the result of my Cam and Lighting Ass 1, the one with the mannequin. I posted about it last march or june.
The first two lines, that were written by Andrew, reads, “I’m more than a little surprised by how weak this project is. I can only assume that you devoted very little time to it.”
When I read that I was … I was…. Gosh I have no frigging idea what to say!
All those sketches all those write ups that I personally went ahead to deliberately do overkill…. Then handing them out for feedback to clara and aik before finally trimming off all the lousy shots to hand it up…. ….. DAMMIT!
And it’s just frigging irony that Noise Singapore somehow liked those pictures and I somehow got selected for the Apprentice thingy… which to be honest I’m not really enjoying. Maybe it’s just my mentor or sth… artsyfartsyloolipoppoopydog.
Do you see that “10% deduction for lateness” thing as well?
Do you remember why it was late?
Oh.. right! Cause I was out the last night at some boring MOS underage party that’s held on a stupid weekday night!
And if I didn’t go.. nooooo.. wait… .. I cant! Cos if I don’t go people will lose… lose what? Lose money! And losing money is oh my fucking god-ly more fearful than handing up important assignments ON TIME…. Or ATTENDING SCHOOL.
I could’ve gotten a bloody C if I handed it early! Anything better than a D! look! D! = Daniel (hee hee. Laugh la you.)
Im pissed. Just look at these!
it’s like… “hey ya audi I liked your work and all but looky looky looky you’re late and you missed the train so sorry you cant tag along to Los Angeles! You can settle for NTU…”
KNNCCBWTFSIMILJ!!!!
Im like wtf’s happening to me!?!?!
Everything was going oh so well knnccb then suddenly some fucking childish boyfriend girlfriend crap comes along and those I thought would “be there” just go, “Meh… forget it. Go to sleep.”
WHAT THE HELL!??!?!?!
I’m not this angry.
Or even this angry…
I am THIS ANGRY
Then whee I go bradadatehtehdoodoo down the stupid spiral of Audi-Depressionism.
I do the WORST mistakes when I undergo periods of… stress.. or depression.. or whatever you call it. Just ask Hasrul. He keeps track for some weird reason.
I got my best advice yesterday afternoon while having dinner with Javis and Hasrul. I was figuring out why the fuck am I still single and whether my shameful track record of mindboggling-ly short relationships is the girl’s fault or mine. I mean.. cmon… FIVE ex-girlfriends and the longest you have is what…. Three months?
Backstory here is that my first girl, Xinni, dumped me, my second one I dumped her because I needed a breather, the third one because she couldn’t understand my love for walking long distance, the fourth one because… well.. private reasons and the last one (the best!) was because she was three years younger (I was sec 4), she never wanted to put her fringe down like how I like girls to have it and thirdly, to me, she just wasn’t “moving along” at my speed. Oh but we wrote stories to each other that was fun. Settling differences like, “One day this boy was unhappy at this girl because….”
I thought maybe it’s just Singapore and the way everyone’s been brought up. I’m all “live life to the fullest, biatch!” and they’re all “you siao ar!”.
Maybe it’s my interest. Maybe it’s my values and philosophy. Hasrul said I’m unpredictable and there are times I’m such a huge stone that’s stagnant, never moving, immovable and powerful whereas other times I’m this laser play of lights skimming through houses, blowing up, producing more light thingies that zoom here and there.
But then Javis layeth the smacketh down and said, “YOU care for yourself TOO MUCH.”
And everything just fell into place.
“Sometimes you need to wait for your girlfriend to catch up with you.”
And you see THIS is the type of advice I wanna hear. THIS is what truly helps. THIS bluntness and seemingly cold remarks work best on me. THIS is correct!
I’m just so sick of people telling me, “Relax la..” or “oh.. hahax… ok lorhz…” or “Just go to sleep.”
You know I think it’s just crap that…. Cause I have “close friends” who just REFUSE to open up. They’re just introvert, selfish bastards who just WONT share anything personal! And we’ve been hanging out for six years and things like that. WHAT GIVES!?!?
Are these people stupid or blind?! Do you all remember that post I wrote about the psychologist talking about friendship thingy? And kids masturbating each other lol that was funny.
What I wrote was that for a friendship to maintain there HAS GOT TO BE some level of exchange of personal thoughts or emotions.
It’s really… gaaahhhhh stupid fucktards. This is the fucking problem im having now… it’s that I just cant get any substantial advice from people I go out regularly with and that they just don’t allow their friends to see their problems.
I’m in deep shit right now and its just frigging irony that out of nowhere people whom I’ve never k-pooled or watched movie with every weekend come along giving me the whole bucket of horse backsides that I really need.
But I’m just so… geez fucking piss shit I thought I was doing fine in school! I have this goal of being a sort of powerhouse in class. Yeah.. that’s the word.. POWERHOUSE… this little guy who knows a lot and actually goes all out there to guide, if he could, his other classmates.
But then now I see it all and I’m just… blaahhhh fucking hell. My personal life has gone to pieces and I thought that was that and nothing could be worse. Then now my SCHOOL life… my PROFESSIONAL life.... seems to be going in the same direction; Fuck Hell Avenue.
I’m just afraid to see my CG project and how it’ll turn out. I’ve a feeling it’s gonna be turned away for some reason.
Another bloody irony I spotted were the grades between my 2-act and 3-act synopses.
We all know the huge mental torture I had figuring out the 2-act thingy. I even went to the library sourcing for books on screenwriting. I read about four in total. Start to finish, word for word. Jotting down notes and all that. But oh my god everything inside there were on 3-act structures! DAMMIT!
Then suddenly Edelweiss came in, written in just one night, given to Kwang Wei, Jia Hui and Daniel to critic, and suddenly it comes back with a huge:
Then I thought of really planning my three-act synopses. And I did…..
And I got a huge fat C+.
What.. The… TOOT?!
The smoking thing has been really bad. Just now in cam and lighting, I was carrying this huge case light that was extremely heavy. Normally I’d ignore the stresses on my body using the magical hippie wonders of ki energy studied during my Ki-aikido days and do what I have to do. But suddenly there was this stinging pain in the centre of my chest and I went all “ohhh noo……”
“Audi you have acute asthma.. remember…” Javis goes.
Yesterday night… smoking 7 sticks at one go while walking vis from northpoint to his home that’s about 400 metres away…. I came home feeling all weak. I had a lot of material and pics that were ready to be blogged but nooo I just had to lay down. My head felt….empty. I honestly felt stupid… as in.. stupid-blank. Not stupid-ididsthwrong.
I called Vis asking him what the hell was happening and he just went, “AUDI DON’T SMOKE!!”
Never got that kinda sms in my life. Ever. Never with exclamation marks. And this one had two.
Henry somehow got the news I was puffing. Probably from accidentally reading this old.. forgotten blog at the back of his mind after I started putting in more words than pictures (he got bored)…. And he gave me a really long sms. He’s one of those who’d usually reply, “ok.” or “no.”
I’ve heard of one-liners but this guy is a one-worder.
Long sms-es from henry = you really dunnit this time.
I felt anger in that sms… with a tinge of sadness and disappointment. But he really didn’t put that in words.
This phrase of word stuck in my mind, “You need a fresh start.”
And indeed so.
You know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna throw all these nonsense away (cigs, lighters, crappy groups of people who backstab each other and when someone comes in to tell them who’s backstabbing who they all gang up and shoot the guy down.). I’m gonna put things right where it should be. Henry says, “Clean your room, brighten it up…”. I wont take it literally because oh geez cleaning my room is like trying to comb Afro hair.. so figuratively, I’m gonna kill all those idiots…. And dump them in the haunted woodlands block rubbish chute (hi jia hui!). Then I’m gonna pawn all their worthless ass by scoring in school! HELLOOO UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!
And it starts. NOW!
First thing to do – CLEAN PHYSICAL SELF.
I went to the dentist.
And there’s bound to be more to come…. And shit rolls downhill so yeah this blog will go poot poot up the quality ladder as I work on myself.
So till then.. remember what I said…. As a friend.. it’s just fair that you don’t be an anal introvert hence SHARE YOUR BLOODY FEELINGS DAMMIT!
Henry’s last words were, “Only you can help yourself. I can’t help you.”
Ohh buddy don’t go there…..
P.S. Thank you all for your care and concern. Well at least now we know who really gives a damn. But then again the whole world’s not for me to take. Oh, and I would like to share with you that I only took in one stick today.
I can imagine old time smokers going, “whahaah knnccb wth 3 days only already so sick and drama.”
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