Last night I went to Damai beach.
From young I hated Damai beach. Not the beach in itself but more of the hotel. Because the place is bloody huge and there is no lift! And I remmeber the beds always full of sand and the cold cold cold aircon and even worse when im just a young little boy in his swimming trunks, still wet from the pool, running around freezing my arse off.
Also, the journey to Damai is as long as the journey frm my Yishun house to the Johor house; 45 minutes. And I got itchy backside cannot sit still so of course will be very restless.
But this few times the driver always use the huge van to send us to damai. At least that cools everything a bit. I sit on the front seat and I feel like im on a monster truck looking down at all the Proton Kancil below. The suspension also very bouncy. Like elephant having sex.
The road to Damai is long and dark as usual.
So of course.... got see pontianak once in a while. Let me tell you how they will appear.
U’ll be driving along the road at around 90km/h.... the passing lamposts will create that cool zziiiinggg... ziinggg.... effect and ahead of u is only lit by ur lousy table lamp front light.
Then suddenly u will see this lady in white with long hair covering her face RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!
And when u still staring.. uw un notice that she is always at a certain distance from you!
Then slowly u see her coming.... then u realise.... YOU ARE LOOKING AT A REFLECTION and she is BEHIND YOU!
Awww scared liao? Its ok. I also scared. Nb everytime I tell ghost story I will scare myself.
Anyways spent the nite editing pictures. I knew that the abbsence of the internet would throw a lot of my schedule off balance.
The next morning I woke up. The adults were off to see the Dayaks strip naked or having some spa and massage.
I didn’t wanan see Dayak ppl getting naked. But I wanted to go spa and massage. So thenight before I asked my mum to set me up for a spa appointment. The price is 100 ringgit. Very cheap! And I heard frm all the old ppl that the masseur is good! So okay. But my mother must be damn pervert and say, “you sure u wanna go massage? You have to be naked and they will massage your *lan jiao* there.”
I dun mind. Because a lot of ppl always touch my little brother, whether its for some childish fun or otherwise. *looks at sze aik*
Then she call my father talk talk talk...... “u sure u wan to go spa? Its only a hot tub with flowers. The toilet here has a tub.”
“just set me up la!” I say.
“you sure? They will touch ur private parts! And it’s a guy!”
“YA LA!”
“ok its 250 rinngit. And your father never gimme money.”
“ok then nvm.”
Liew... I damn doo lan because no one will touch me. Eh I mean. I cant experience the super famous massage.
I got dressed in my khaki pants and started walking around the beach. Singaporeans like to see beaches. I also dunno why. So I look around forums to see why ppl like beaches. Then I found out that its not because of suntan. But because a lot of ppl dream of having sex on beaches. Wtf?
Damai beach used to be much more beautiful. The beach was HUGE and the sand stretched more than a hundred metres into the South China Sea. But then, after the El Nino incident which actually had the waves licking far into the raised walkways, the beach has shrunk and the sand area is just..... near non-existent.
But then.... a lot of angmoh still come. Their skin is usually red like lobster and u can see them from far. Otherwise it’s the same colour as the sand and u think u cannot see any ang moh when actualy infront of u got ten thousand of them lying on the beach naked.
My sister’s boyfriend’s father is the manager for the two Holiday Inn beach hotels here in kuching. He also lives in the hotel so of course he make it into his home la. He crazy about boats last time so he did buy boats. Two or three, actually which he keeps in a jetty nearby. So last time we will go damai , use his boat and go fishing in the middle of the sea.
After that we’ll sail to Satang Island, the nearest of the three nearby islands. This is where turtles come to lay their eggs. And also where sandflies will make u have so many scars that ppl think u got STD.
Last time this use to be our little secret. But now HIDB (holiday inn damai beach) has included a fishing trip and a trip to Satang island into its sea activites. I thnk its RM60 for two ppl. Cheap what. Just come at the correct season. Only then will u catch a lot of Yellow Tails, Garupa, sometimes stingray and if u really so lucky.... can see turtle and dolphin and flying fish.
And also this was when my fear of the ocean came. It was about to rain, so the sky was dark, I was snorkelling and looking at the sea bed below. Skali got jelly fish appear! Na bei I so scared that now I have phobia of the sea.
There used to be more sea activities. Like Kayaking. But look at the kayaks.
The kayak in that state... still wan to include in itenerary?
I asked if I can go jet ski but the boy boy at the club house say the jet ski spoil. Na beh everytime spoil. Confirm they kei siao one la! lazy to refuel then say lazy to refuel la.
I then took a shuttle to the hilltop area of the hotel. Henry they all nv go here. So now im showing.
This is the hilltop pool. The hilltop is a row of about 300 over suites, built on the sides of... uh... a hill la. And it overlooks Damai beach. Every evening can see nice sunset from the suites. It’s very romantic. Just watch out for the insects. As usual its difficult to maintain a hotel in the jungle.
The huts there are three storey suites. They are inspired by three tribal groups of Sarawak. It’s a nice suite..... got jasussi got shower room got bath tub..... also got king size (or queen.. the big big one...) and is a postal bed some more! With nice cloth hanging on it and strong aircon! Even better..the huge wall to wall, ceiling to ceiling window is right at the foot of the bed. So when u wake up to a bright sunshine with the aircon on and you see your dear dear still sleeping on the bed..... aaa..... this is what I call subtle romance. Anyone wan to be my girlfriend? Will confirm sibeh romantic wan.
Mount santubong at the back.
Sunset. Ok la its photshopped. But u get the idea.
After that I got hungry. So what to do? Go to coffeshop la!
Lobby.
I saw my sister’s boyfriend’s father at the Café Satang. I tell you ar.. the way he portrays himself is really like the Mafia; he will bring his gang of old uncle and department managers to sit at a table at the back of the restaurant. Then when they seat ar u can see who is the boss. Who is right hand man. And who is the loser who act only wan to join gang. And once they get up and leave, also got style! This henchman will go first... in case ppl outside ready to shoot, so wun shoot the boss. Then another.. then the right hand man.. then finally the boss.. and the other losers behind him.
My uncle saw me.
“EH AUDI! WHAT YOU DOING HERE!?”
I really like my sister’s boyfriend’s father. He’s a mix blood. Got chinese blood and malay blood. And he last time I think gangster HAHAHA. No la. but he really like ah beng. So maybe that explains the Mafia-like organisation. When he’s kind he’s kind; a saviour. But when he doo lan u better hide all the billiard sticks otherwise somebody will have his backside enlarged. But then funny... I dunno why his son, which is my sister’s boyfriend, so softy like that. Soemtiems I wish my sister get ah beng boyfriend. At least we can brother brother in the future. Oh well. They steady for almost 6 or 7 years already. Cant say anything.
Lamb chops!!! Again!!! I like meat. Medium well. Perfecto! Now I see I think I wanan order another steak. Haha.... gonna grow fat!
Eat finish already,,,,, it’s time for dessert!
As usual....
Ice cream!
Na beh they put there will give butter scotch honey ice cream. In the end give me vanilla. Can I dun eat my co-blogger?
I sat down in the coffee house for a bit after that. Just sitting and thinking. I like to think. Makes me slim down. HAHA. Some people say that thinking too much is no good. But well.. I say.. if u think of correct things most of the time.... then there is no such thing as too much. Im not a loner. But I can be alone. And I also can socialise. Having both of them makes it easier to appreciate the other. Noe wht I mean? Dunno ar? Its ok. I think too much.
After that I found an internet station at the lobby. They required a password and all that so I easily got one frm the counter.
Checked my mail
And look!
Results come out liao!!!!
Im so happy. Cos im looking forward to an A for one of my subjects... and I wanna see how much doo lan-ness did I cause to my IS teachers. As we all know... IS is the stupidest of all wasting-time modules.
What I saw was buay song inducing.
Yes! I’m a loser!
My GPA (grade point average) was 2.588. Highest possible is 4. lowest is 0
And even though a C+ may be considered an average-above average grade.... I really damn doo lan. Because I heard some lan jiao ppl can score distinction and always come to class late! ..... fucked up at it’s best!
But its ok. Its over. I dun wan to cry over spilled hong yu. All I can do is kick my backside and gain more bloody experience. Cos studying day and night wun get u far in FSV.
Litter? Or beauty?
An entourage of Japanese high schoolers appeared out of nowhere.
I got back to the room. And found out that ALL the doors were locked! Except for front door. WTF??! Then I smelled the smell of oils and all that jeeboshakalichvoska. So I noe that the adults are naked in the next room getting massaged.
What to do but wait outside.
I find that I have this habit of not taking off my shoe indoors.
Once they came out I saw the masseur. Lucky I never go for massage. Cos I see his face and he reminds me of one of the tutors for the religious class I attended. Screws your mind up when you’re in that situation.
Night came. Time to go home.
I wan to introduce this pro driver of mine that has been working at HIK ever since I was born. Literally. He works the night shift.... and can repair any vehicle he drives. Sometimes when he driving very fast, he will take the key out of the ignition drive a bit with no engine power, then quickly slide the key back in, making the engine roar with power. In all my years... I have never heard him talk a full sentence.
Let me intro...
Uncle Lee Heng!!
Actually I also dunno how to spell his name.
Only today I noticed he was short.
But once he climbs into that mah de fah king van.... OOO!!!! Feeel the power! Its like a cyborg thingy. He is the brain and his body is the van.
Tonight we stopped by the Sunday market.
Kuching’s Sunday market is famous for its variety of herbs and spices and vvegetnbles and bla bla bla you get it. There are live chickens u an buy there. Huge cow torsos hung for sale in make shift stalls and worms also for sale and everything. What fascinates me is the fact that everything here is BLOODY FRESH! The vege is GREEN as hell (hell is green?) and the meat is red as hell. I especially love to see the fishes for sale. U can get frm the smallest (ikan bilis) to the largest (as long as your arm). I like it when I see the stallguy cutting the fish into two and all the guts spill out with the goo and stuff. No im not for gore. Im in for the wonders of science!
And of course.... the open air food stalls there. Gotta try the Sarawak Laksa and Mee Kolo. Damn happening.
However these stalls tend to pop up here and there.
Singapore has Ramli burger. This one has Maggi Burger! And I gotta hand it to them.... they make the BEST roadside burgers ever! Probably because of the proximity to the road and all the exhaust gasses (this is Kuching... we still have thirty year old cars with exhausts that smoke as much as the driver).
I find their menu interesting as well.
“hi! I would like a cheeseburger, please.”
“would u like to upsize to a full cheeseburger? Only 50 cents more!”
“hmmm ok.. ill take that.”
“we’re having an offer now. If you buy two full cheeseburgers we’ll throw in one double beef burger with egg for free!”
“hmm I think my kids would like some too. Ok ill take that offer.”
“and also if you buy a fish burger today, you’d get a free upsize to a fish burger WITH full cheese WTH egg WITH another layer of fish fillet! Offer lasts for the next ten minutes!”
“nah its ok.”
“are you sure? Maybe you would like to try our double cheesburger double sundae crazzamoretto backsidelauncher?”
“no no.. seriosuly. It’s enough...”
“or how about our newest addition; a SUPER BEEF BURGER with DOUBLE full cheese and DOUBLE beef patties with DOUBLE mayonaisse and DOUBLE....”
“KAO BEI LA can u just give me my order??!!?!?!?!”
“....what was your order again? The menu’s too damn complicated.”
“AAAAAA KILL PEOPLE LIAO LA!!”
Got back to the hotel for dinner. I wanna end here first. Too tired already. See you tomorrow!
From young I hated Damai beach. Not the beach in itself but more of the hotel. Because the place is bloody huge and there is no lift! And I remmeber the beds always full of sand and the cold cold cold aircon and even worse when im just a young little boy in his swimming trunks, still wet from the pool, running around freezing my arse off.
Also, the journey to Damai is as long as the journey frm my Yishun house to the Johor house; 45 minutes. And I got itchy backside cannot sit still so of course will be very restless.
But this few times the driver always use the huge van to send us to damai. At least that cools everything a bit. I sit on the front seat and I feel like im on a monster truck looking down at all the Proton Kancil below. The suspension also very bouncy. Like elephant having sex.
The road to Damai is long and dark as usual.
So of course.... got see pontianak once in a while. Let me tell you how they will appear.
U’ll be driving along the road at around 90km/h.... the passing lamposts will create that cool zziiiinggg... ziinggg.... effect and ahead of u is only lit by ur lousy table lamp front light.
Then suddenly u will see this lady in white with long hair covering her face RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!
And when u still staring.. uw un notice that she is always at a certain distance from you!
Then slowly u see her coming.... then u realise.... YOU ARE LOOKING AT A REFLECTION and she is BEHIND YOU!
Awww scared liao? Its ok. I also scared. Nb everytime I tell ghost story I will scare myself.
Anyways spent the nite editing pictures. I knew that the abbsence of the internet would throw a lot of my schedule off balance.
The next morning I woke up. The adults were off to see the Dayaks strip naked or having some spa and massage.
I didn’t wanan see Dayak ppl getting naked. But I wanted to go spa and massage. So thenight before I asked my mum to set me up for a spa appointment. The price is 100 ringgit. Very cheap! And I heard frm all the old ppl that the masseur is good! So okay. But my mother must be damn pervert and say, “you sure u wanna go massage? You have to be naked and they will massage your *lan jiao* there.”
I dun mind. Because a lot of ppl always touch my little brother, whether its for some childish fun or otherwise. *looks at sze aik*
Then she call my father talk talk talk...... “u sure u wan to go spa? Its only a hot tub with flowers. The toilet here has a tub.”
“just set me up la!” I say.
“you sure? They will touch ur private parts! And it’s a guy!”
“YA LA!”
“ok its 250 rinngit. And your father never gimme money.”
“ok then nvm.”
Liew... I damn doo lan because no one will touch me. Eh I mean. I cant experience the super famous massage.
I got dressed in my khaki pants and started walking around the beach. Singaporeans like to see beaches. I also dunno why. So I look around forums to see why ppl like beaches. Then I found out that its not because of suntan. But because a lot of ppl dream of having sex on beaches. Wtf?
Damai beach used to be much more beautiful. The beach was HUGE and the sand stretched more than a hundred metres into the South China Sea. But then, after the El Nino incident which actually had the waves licking far into the raised walkways, the beach has shrunk and the sand area is just..... near non-existent.
But then.... a lot of angmoh still come. Their skin is usually red like lobster and u can see them from far. Otherwise it’s the same colour as the sand and u think u cannot see any ang moh when actualy infront of u got ten thousand of them lying on the beach naked.
My sister’s boyfriend’s father is the manager for the two Holiday Inn beach hotels here in kuching. He also lives in the hotel so of course he make it into his home la. He crazy about boats last time so he did buy boats. Two or three, actually which he keeps in a jetty nearby. So last time we will go damai , use his boat and go fishing in the middle of the sea.
After that we’ll sail to Satang Island, the nearest of the three nearby islands. This is where turtles come to lay their eggs. And also where sandflies will make u have so many scars that ppl think u got STD.
Last time this use to be our little secret. But now HIDB (holiday inn damai beach) has included a fishing trip and a trip to Satang island into its sea activites. I thnk its RM60 for two ppl. Cheap what. Just come at the correct season. Only then will u catch a lot of Yellow Tails, Garupa, sometimes stingray and if u really so lucky.... can see turtle and dolphin and flying fish.
And also this was when my fear of the ocean came. It was about to rain, so the sky was dark, I was snorkelling and looking at the sea bed below. Skali got jelly fish appear! Na bei I so scared that now I have phobia of the sea.
There used to be more sea activities. Like Kayaking. But look at the kayaks.
The kayak in that state... still wan to include in itenerary?
I asked if I can go jet ski but the boy boy at the club house say the jet ski spoil. Na beh everytime spoil. Confirm they kei siao one la! lazy to refuel then say lazy to refuel la.
I then took a shuttle to the hilltop area of the hotel. Henry they all nv go here. So now im showing.
This is the hilltop pool. The hilltop is a row of about 300 over suites, built on the sides of... uh... a hill la. And it overlooks Damai beach. Every evening can see nice sunset from the suites. It’s very romantic. Just watch out for the insects. As usual its difficult to maintain a hotel in the jungle.
The huts there are three storey suites. They are inspired by three tribal groups of Sarawak. It’s a nice suite..... got jasussi got shower room got bath tub..... also got king size (or queen.. the big big one...) and is a postal bed some more! With nice cloth hanging on it and strong aircon! Even better..the huge wall to wall, ceiling to ceiling window is right at the foot of the bed. So when u wake up to a bright sunshine with the aircon on and you see your dear dear still sleeping on the bed..... aaa..... this is what I call subtle romance. Anyone wan to be my girlfriend? Will confirm sibeh romantic wan.
Mount santubong at the back.
Sunset. Ok la its photshopped. But u get the idea.
After that I got hungry. So what to do? Go to coffeshop la!
Lobby.
I saw my sister’s boyfriend’s father at the Café Satang. I tell you ar.. the way he portrays himself is really like the Mafia; he will bring his gang of old uncle and department managers to sit at a table at the back of the restaurant. Then when they seat ar u can see who is the boss. Who is right hand man. And who is the loser who act only wan to join gang. And once they get up and leave, also got style! This henchman will go first... in case ppl outside ready to shoot, so wun shoot the boss. Then another.. then the right hand man.. then finally the boss.. and the other losers behind him.
My uncle saw me.
“EH AUDI! WHAT YOU DOING HERE!?”
I really like my sister’s boyfriend’s father. He’s a mix blood. Got chinese blood and malay blood. And he last time I think gangster HAHAHA. No la. but he really like ah beng. So maybe that explains the Mafia-like organisation. When he’s kind he’s kind; a saviour. But when he doo lan u better hide all the billiard sticks otherwise somebody will have his backside enlarged. But then funny... I dunno why his son, which is my sister’s boyfriend, so softy like that. Soemtiems I wish my sister get ah beng boyfriend. At least we can brother brother in the future. Oh well. They steady for almost 6 or 7 years already. Cant say anything.
Lamb chops!!! Again!!! I like meat. Medium well. Perfecto! Now I see I think I wanan order another steak. Haha.... gonna grow fat!
Eat finish already,,,,, it’s time for dessert!
As usual....
Ice cream!
Na beh they put there will give butter scotch honey ice cream. In the end give me vanilla. Can I dun eat my co-blogger?
I sat down in the coffee house for a bit after that. Just sitting and thinking. I like to think. Makes me slim down. HAHA. Some people say that thinking too much is no good. But well.. I say.. if u think of correct things most of the time.... then there is no such thing as too much. Im not a loner. But I can be alone. And I also can socialise. Having both of them makes it easier to appreciate the other. Noe wht I mean? Dunno ar? Its ok. I think too much.
After that I found an internet station at the lobby. They required a password and all that so I easily got one frm the counter.
Checked my mail
And look!
Results come out liao!!!!
Im so happy. Cos im looking forward to an A for one of my subjects... and I wanna see how much doo lan-ness did I cause to my IS teachers. As we all know... IS is the stupidest of all wasting-time modules.
What I saw was buay song inducing.
Yes! I’m a loser!
My GPA (grade point average) was 2.588. Highest possible is 4. lowest is 0
And even though a C+ may be considered an average-above average grade.... I really damn doo lan. Because I heard some lan jiao ppl can score distinction and always come to class late! ..... fucked up at it’s best!
But its ok. Its over. I dun wan to cry over spilled hong yu. All I can do is kick my backside and gain more bloody experience. Cos studying day and night wun get u far in FSV.
Litter? Or beauty?
An entourage of Japanese high schoolers appeared out of nowhere.
I got back to the room. And found out that ALL the doors were locked! Except for front door. WTF??! Then I smelled the smell of oils and all that jeeboshakalichvoska. So I noe that the adults are naked in the next room getting massaged.
What to do but wait outside.
I find that I have this habit of not taking off my shoe indoors.
Once they came out I saw the masseur. Lucky I never go for massage. Cos I see his face and he reminds me of one of the tutors for the religious class I attended. Screws your mind up when you’re in that situation.
Night came. Time to go home.
I wan to introduce this pro driver of mine that has been working at HIK ever since I was born. Literally. He works the night shift.... and can repair any vehicle he drives. Sometimes when he driving very fast, he will take the key out of the ignition drive a bit with no engine power, then quickly slide the key back in, making the engine roar with power. In all my years... I have never heard him talk a full sentence.
Let me intro...
Uncle Lee Heng!!
Actually I also dunno how to spell his name.
Only today I noticed he was short.
But once he climbs into that mah de fah king van.... OOO!!!! Feeel the power! Its like a cyborg thingy. He is the brain and his body is the van.
Tonight we stopped by the Sunday market.
Kuching’s Sunday market is famous for its variety of herbs and spices and vvegetnbles and bla bla bla you get it. There are live chickens u an buy there. Huge cow torsos hung for sale in make shift stalls and worms also for sale and everything. What fascinates me is the fact that everything here is BLOODY FRESH! The vege is GREEN as hell (hell is green?) and the meat is red as hell. I especially love to see the fishes for sale. U can get frm the smallest (ikan bilis) to the largest (as long as your arm). I like it when I see the stallguy cutting the fish into two and all the guts spill out with the goo and stuff. No im not for gore. Im in for the wonders of science!
And of course.... the open air food stalls there. Gotta try the Sarawak Laksa and Mee Kolo. Damn happening.
However these stalls tend to pop up here and there.
Singapore has Ramli burger. This one has Maggi Burger! And I gotta hand it to them.... they make the BEST roadside burgers ever! Probably because of the proximity to the road and all the exhaust gasses (this is Kuching... we still have thirty year old cars with exhausts that smoke as much as the driver).
I find their menu interesting as well.
“hi! I would like a cheeseburger, please.”
“would u like to upsize to a full cheeseburger? Only 50 cents more!”
“hmmm ok.. ill take that.”
“we’re having an offer now. If you buy two full cheeseburgers we’ll throw in one double beef burger with egg for free!”
“hmm I think my kids would like some too. Ok ill take that offer.”
“and also if you buy a fish burger today, you’d get a free upsize to a fish burger WITH full cheese WTH egg WITH another layer of fish fillet! Offer lasts for the next ten minutes!”
“nah its ok.”
“are you sure? Maybe you would like to try our double cheesburger double sundae crazzamoretto backsidelauncher?”
“no no.. seriosuly. It’s enough...”
“or how about our newest addition; a SUPER BEEF BURGER with DOUBLE full cheese and DOUBLE beef patties with DOUBLE mayonaisse and DOUBLE....”
“KAO BEI LA can u just give me my order??!!?!?!?!”
“....what was your order again? The menu’s too damn complicated.”
“AAAAAA KILL PEOPLE LIAO LA!!”
Got back to the hotel for dinner. I wanna end here first. Too tired already. See you tomorrow!
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Audi
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Travel and Adventure
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