Johor…. The city every Singaporean laughs at.
Over the weekend one of my twenty thousand uncles held some housewarming thing in his new 3 million dollars bungalow located in the middle of a typical Malaysian village ( I find that kinda show-off-y.. don’t you?).The village is kinda like the ones National Geographic loves to film.
Once again my family embarks on the silliest journey I know of. My mom will be hyper-anal again and start rushing everyone to wake up at 430am in the morning shouting and shouting and shoutng and being sooo over-prepared like we’re moving to Iceland or sth.
Then we’ll spend the next 45 minutes in the car, stoning. And 60 percent of the time the car isnt moving because of the freaking immigration across the shores.
You know… Shaun’s father’s invention of the Sentinel, that black box that shines light on ur passport at the immigration, really speeds up everything. In Singapore, we just give them three passports and zoop zoop zoop… nyzzz nyzzz nyzz… beep beep… ok its done we’re clear to leave. All it takes is like 3 minutes.
Then we go sha la la la la down the causeway, cursing at the stupid people walking in the middle of the roads which has no lights and me getting the usual poking form parents like,”You see all this people.. they have to wake up 4 in the morning, 5 in the morning, take bus go to school in Singapore then go home blab la blab la bla”
Please la… even if you moved me to johor you’d probably send me to a school there. Then there goes my rich education.
But then when we reach Johor immigrations… OH THE PAIN!
Sleeping bitches in tudung at the counter purposely putting on the red light on so that no cars will enter their lane… all for their measly fat ass sleep.. then when you get to one of them, they’d be hiding behind opaque glass windows with only one slot way down in one corner for her hand to reach for your passport. Then you have to pay… cash (!)… to another girl at the counter.. and it’s always a bitch who throws you back the money or sulks when you give her coins.
Please la…. I think if I give her 70 cents to fuck she’d already be so happy. Ungrateful.
What’s more.. they take FOREVER to chop your passport.. and that alone doesn’t guarantee you WILL get a chop on ur passport. Lame… if they think that the opaque windows are some sort of deterrent for people to spy on their “technology” of immigration clearance… ask them go home sleep la. So slow… simi technology???
Then we drive off, into johor, passing the usual lazy ass three groups of immigration policemen who don’t even look at you to check your car.
When I drive through johor (7 months from now, I promise!) I’ll just wave a middle finger at them when I drive past. They wont even be able to catch me because: (a.) The road after that is not lit. (b) They cant read license plates and (c). 50 year old police car against a 2 year old Corrolla Altis? Not a chance.
Finaly I got home. I blew up when I saw that ugly swing on my “lawn” (it’s just a patch of grass).
My parents just love the typical malay house design and all that. Yeah sure it’s al cultural and “remember your roots” thing but cmon.. in a few years time.. rusty swings…. Bug-infested pots…. Grimy tiles…and the ever-ugly flower flower grills? No wonder my mom is ever so tensed all the time.
But yeah well I guess my sister and I talked them to it so they kinda kept all the “traditional” stuff to the minimum and opted for sth more modern. But still messy though because we all know how my parents love buying all those “innovative kitchenware” like instant clothes hangars and blab la bla. The house here in Yishun is full of those junk. I don’t need anymore shelves, dammit! I need room!
So that’s why I left my room in Johor as empty as possible. Of course, that didn’t work. A few days later my mother already has plastic boxes and instant rack bought from god-knows on one side of the wall. Then one day the flower grills came up and I gave her the attitude of her life. I want a “modern chinese” home, dammit! (my dad calls it that. To me it’s just modern.)
I love my 2HP aircon….
And then it was off to my uncle’s house.
The lawn was still under renovation. He has built a mini pond.. and a little outdoor Jacuzzi as well. it’s nice and all yeah.
But like I mentioned before… all the rubbish started coming in and I can already imagine the cobwebs and rust and grime building up. I think that no house can ever be as spick and span like those you see in those design magazines.
In those magazines you don’t see any plastic bags from supermartkets….
It’s a nice house and all. Yeah. Thye have this single room up on the third floor. If it were my house I’d turn it into a studio for photo shoots. That’s so much better than being one of the three playroom for the many little children in the house.
I saw so many children in the hosue that day…. And ohmy god I have no idea whether they are my cousins, second cousins, nieces, nephew.. or whatever. I don’t know which child belongs to who or which husband belongs to which wife. I don’t know they names, age or anything at all. So what the hell…. They can still cme to me and say, “AUDI!!!!”
And I’ll just smile…. Look down at them (cos I very tall what)…. And say, “hello…”
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!!!
I’m so happy I only have one sibling (less numbers/addresses/relationships to remember/maintain.)
And I’m so glad I don’t plan to get married.
Actually.. yeah.. if my parents come and nag at me askingme to get married… I’d ask them to forget it since for all my past relationships they’ve been so anal and disapproving and keep bringing up that race issue. So okay.. since they’re so burdened to see me with a non-malay… okay.. then I wont get married. Ta da…problem solved. Next time just accept my girlfriend, dammit! While Donald’s mom giggles when she sees her son going out with Clara, my mom nags when I go out with girls. WHAT THE FOOK?! Why cant I have a mother who doesn’t come from the 15th century?!?!!
She calls dance music “Satan music”!!!!! WTH?!?!?! PLEASE LOR MUSIC IS A CRAFT LA IT TAKES SKILL TO MIX SONGS OKAY.
Lol… whiny-rock music being played round and round and round and round again on malay radio stations? Now THAT’S satan music. Now go burn them at the stake.
Till then, enjoy a song I took out from Ministry of Sound The Annual 2006 CD.
P.S. And she STILL complains we have NO MONEY. With so much junk on the list… duh la…
Anyways a house like that is cheap by Singapore standards. This one my dad bought is only 30k (SGD). In singapore you can only buy a jumbo flat. But no matter how cheap it is.. it’s not gonna be cheap anymore if you spend the same amount of money on the security. (15 different locks and grilles, security alarm, live streaming video from five cameras planted around the houses…I say a german sheppard is enough.)
Btw.. have u seen my CG model? 2 weeks left to pass it up!
Reach for the sky!
Keep reaching!
lmao….
Over the weekend one of my twenty thousand uncles held some housewarming thing in his new 3 million dollars bungalow located in the middle of a typical Malaysian village ( I find that kinda show-off-y.. don’t you?).The village is kinda like the ones National Geographic loves to film.
Once again my family embarks on the silliest journey I know of. My mom will be hyper-anal again and start rushing everyone to wake up at 430am in the morning shouting and shouting and shoutng and being sooo over-prepared like we’re moving to Iceland or sth.
Then we’ll spend the next 45 minutes in the car, stoning. And 60 percent of the time the car isnt moving because of the freaking immigration across the shores.
You know… Shaun’s father’s invention of the Sentinel, that black box that shines light on ur passport at the immigration, really speeds up everything. In Singapore, we just give them three passports and zoop zoop zoop… nyzzz nyzzz nyzz… beep beep… ok its done we’re clear to leave. All it takes is like 3 minutes.
Then we go sha la la la la down the causeway, cursing at the stupid people walking in the middle of the roads which has no lights and me getting the usual poking form parents like,”You see all this people.. they have to wake up 4 in the morning, 5 in the morning, take bus go to school in Singapore then go home blab la blab la bla”
Please la… even if you moved me to johor you’d probably send me to a school there. Then there goes my rich education.
But then when we reach Johor immigrations… OH THE PAIN!
Sleeping bitches in tudung at the counter purposely putting on the red light on so that no cars will enter their lane… all for their measly fat ass sleep.. then when you get to one of them, they’d be hiding behind opaque glass windows with only one slot way down in one corner for her hand to reach for your passport. Then you have to pay… cash (!)… to another girl at the counter.. and it’s always a bitch who throws you back the money or sulks when you give her coins.
Please la…. I think if I give her 70 cents to fuck she’d already be so happy. Ungrateful.
What’s more.. they take FOREVER to chop your passport.. and that alone doesn’t guarantee you WILL get a chop on ur passport. Lame… if they think that the opaque windows are some sort of deterrent for people to spy on their “technology” of immigration clearance… ask them go home sleep la. So slow… simi technology???
Then we drive off, into johor, passing the usual lazy ass three groups of immigration policemen who don’t even look at you to check your car.
When I drive through johor (7 months from now, I promise!) I’ll just wave a middle finger at them when I drive past. They wont even be able to catch me because: (a.) The road after that is not lit. (b) They cant read license plates and (c). 50 year old police car against a 2 year old Corrolla Altis? Not a chance.
Finaly I got home. I blew up when I saw that ugly swing on my “lawn” (it’s just a patch of grass).
My parents just love the typical malay house design and all that. Yeah sure it’s al cultural and “remember your roots” thing but cmon.. in a few years time.. rusty swings…. Bug-infested pots…. Grimy tiles…and the ever-ugly flower flower grills? No wonder my mom is ever so tensed all the time.
But yeah well I guess my sister and I talked them to it so they kinda kept all the “traditional” stuff to the minimum and opted for sth more modern. But still messy though because we all know how my parents love buying all those “innovative kitchenware” like instant clothes hangars and blab la bla. The house here in Yishun is full of those junk. I don’t need anymore shelves, dammit! I need room!
So that’s why I left my room in Johor as empty as possible. Of course, that didn’t work. A few days later my mother already has plastic boxes and instant rack bought from god-knows on one side of the wall. Then one day the flower grills came up and I gave her the attitude of her life. I want a “modern chinese” home, dammit! (my dad calls it that. To me it’s just modern.)
I love my 2HP aircon….
And then it was off to my uncle’s house.
The lawn was still under renovation. He has built a mini pond.. and a little outdoor Jacuzzi as well. it’s nice and all yeah.
But like I mentioned before… all the rubbish started coming in and I can already imagine the cobwebs and rust and grime building up. I think that no house can ever be as spick and span like those you see in those design magazines.
In those magazines you don’t see any plastic bags from supermartkets….
It’s a nice house and all. Yeah. Thye have this single room up on the third floor. If it were my house I’d turn it into a studio for photo shoots. That’s so much better than being one of the three playroom for the many little children in the house.
I saw so many children in the hosue that day…. And ohmy god I have no idea whether they are my cousins, second cousins, nieces, nephew.. or whatever. I don’t know which child belongs to who or which husband belongs to which wife. I don’t know they names, age or anything at all. So what the hell…. They can still cme to me and say, “AUDI!!!!”
And I’ll just smile…. Look down at them (cos I very tall what)…. And say, “hello…”
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!!!
I’m so happy I only have one sibling (less numbers/addresses/relationships to remember/maintain.)
And I’m so glad I don’t plan to get married.
Actually.. yeah.. if my parents come and nag at me askingme to get married… I’d ask them to forget it since for all my past relationships they’ve been so anal and disapproving and keep bringing up that race issue. So okay.. since they’re so burdened to see me with a non-malay… okay.. then I wont get married. Ta da…problem solved. Next time just accept my girlfriend, dammit! While Donald’s mom giggles when she sees her son going out with Clara, my mom nags when I go out with girls. WHAT THE FOOK?! Why cant I have a mother who doesn’t come from the 15th century?!?!!
She calls dance music “Satan music”!!!!! WTH?!?!?! PLEASE LOR MUSIC IS A CRAFT LA IT TAKES SKILL TO MIX SONGS OKAY.
Lol… whiny-rock music being played round and round and round and round again on malay radio stations? Now THAT’S satan music. Now go burn them at the stake.
Till then, enjoy a song I took out from Ministry of Sound The Annual 2006 CD.
P.S. And she STILL complains we have NO MONEY. With so much junk on the list… duh la…
Anyways a house like that is cheap by Singapore standards. This one my dad bought is only 30k (SGD). In singapore you can only buy a jumbo flat. But no matter how cheap it is.. it’s not gonna be cheap anymore if you spend the same amount of money on the security. (15 different locks and grilles, security alarm, live streaming video from five cameras planted around the houses…I say a german sheppard is enough.)
Btw.. have u seen my CG model? 2 weeks left to pass it up!
Reach for the sky!
Keep reaching!
lmao….
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Audi
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