I woke up this morning to the sound of this doctor with a deep voice behind his mask. It was kinda frantic. People were running. He was shouting in some language I didn’t understand. Or maybe it was english but something was bogging me down till the point that I didn’t understand anything.
I was on a bed. The corridor seems to be speeding past me. Cool, I thought. The Matrix.
But I saw the bag of plasma hanging above me and I knew this was it.
My days of playing in the mud were over. A bullet got through me. Bye bye.
My life flashed past me.
Questions unanswered.
(this will take a while. Grab a sandwich and a box of tissue.)
What if one day u woke up and realised.....
You don’t look like anyone in your family?
*someone please insert recent family picture here. I really cannot find any.*
Then you know something is wrong.
You know something is wrong when your room was a 4-star hotel room.
and you didnt had to fork out a single cent when you order lunch, dinner, breakfast, supper, etc etc.... and you can afford to bring 10 burgers to school for your friends everyday.
You know something is wrong when your local backyard has a shopping centre, 300 staffs, a swimming pool and a gym to boot and at least four restaurants.
but your social life is as shallow as the kiddie pool.
You know something is wrong when your backyard expands as you grow older, covering the size of Yishun, and half of it is a mountain and a sixth of it is sea. Plenty of room to roam. Yet you didnt bother to.
You know something is wrong when you realise that while your friends and children your age are doing this
but you are under the blanket playing with this
and you are actually very thankful that that's the way.
You know something is wrong when you end up with a class full of blondes and brown headed children, and none of them speak your mother tongue.
OKay.. so maybe u used to. But your Grade 6 class were from all over Asia.
You know something is wrong when you realise you only have one family photo.
okay make that two.
and there isnt much difference between them.
You know something is wrong when your father expects you to be like this,
And instead, you end up like this.
and still am.
You know something is wrong when your sister has social company such as this,
When you have one like this.
Which saddens you sometimes because once in a while you do want to hang out with a more mature group but, no. You prefer not to be loud. You dont have a car yet anyways.
You know somehting is wrong when your so-called mother tongue O level grade isnt exactly impressive.
and you actually rejoice at it because somehow, you turned racist and didnt make the effort to do anything about it.
You know something is wrong when people say the people you look to for inspiration and stuff like that have really screwed up personality/lives/looks/behaviour/add value here.
  
but you didnt see anything wrong with it because you think you TRULY see something appealing in these characters.
.
.
.
.
I woke up from the deep sleep again. This time there was this big machine infront of me. It didn’t exactly catch my attention. I never liked big things that were curved, had no details and white.
No. I like it when big things are like this.
.
.
.
“okay... sedate him”. The deep voice said.
Zoom.. I got transported again.
TO BE CONTINUED
guess who are siblings
Posted by
Audi
Labels:
I did it for the lulz
Ring ring ring..
DY: Hello...
JH: Eh wan go out anot.
DY: You where now.
JH: Orchard.
DY: WHAT?! wah lan de I just now call you I was at orcahrd...
JH: Really ar.
DY: Ya... was actually thinking of bringin you out.
JH: Ohh haha...
DY: Ya.
JH: Where you now.
DY: At home.
JH: Oh I see....... eh later wan go party?
DY: HAHA!! What?!
JH: Party.... u noe... party...
DY: Wtf... dun wan la.
JH: Go lei... otherwise I damn bored.
DY: Oh really? Who else going.
JH: KK and my cousin la.
DY: Oo so I’m the lively wan la? LOL.... enuf ppl what.
JH: Dun wan la I wan even number.
DY: Dun be swakoo okay. Anyways u go there do what. U broke up with ur girlfriend ar.
JH: No la. I go there sit down relax.
DY: Sit down and relax at party. Very funny. You confrim go there see char bor la! dun act with me.
JH: Haah maybe... LOL
DY: LOL... your litle brother fucking horny la. Go make him blunt.
JH: Ya ya ya...
DY: Eh... tell me story lei.
JH: What story.
DY: About you and your girl.
JH: Lol what story sia...
DY: You got notti notti with her anot.
JH: Dun ask silly questionnnzzzz.....~~
DY: Not silly what. come la share lei. We both see each other wan already what. you know me I know you. Just say la.
JH: Haha ok la.. got la.
DY: Haha.. really? Do how many times wan...
JH: Err... three?
DY: THREE! You damn happening!
JH: Thanks thanks.
DY: So whose house? Yours?
JH: Mine and hers lor.
DY: Wtf phone sex ah?! Dun ah gua lei!
JH: I mean we do two times my hse then another her house lor.
DY: Wah liew!!! And I just went ur hse that day..... erotic sia...
JH: Shaddap....
DY: So you all do what position?
JH: Fuck la this is private okay!
DY: Got do doggie?
JH: Shaddap la....
DY: Or u do 69 ar..
JH: Fuck you la..
DY:. ...... omg are you in sado-masochism?!!??!!?
JH: Huh whats that.
DY: Lol u dunno ar... that’s when u use knife to have sex.
JH: WTF!!!!!!! YOU SICK!
DY: Tell lei.
JH: Okay la... actually we do a lot. Someitmes doggie. Sometimes conventional. Sometimes one leg up.. everything lor.
DY:*breathes deeply*..... she got smell anot?
JH: .... a bit la. but everyone also got lor.
DY: So....... when.... she got vacuum you?
JH: No la... actually I wan... but I scared.
DY: Why u scared can have sex then cannot oral~~
JH: I dun wan la.. like.. so dirty.. so ke lian like that.
DY: Lame! ......
JH: Eh enuf la..... dun ask.
DY: I still wan. A bit only...
JH: What la...
DY: She got make a lot of noise anot? Your girlfriend damn shy infront of me lei. I can imagine in bed she shout damn fucking loud ar!
JH: Lol like how?
DY: “WO LAI LE WO LAI LE! AAA!!!!!!” like that. LOL
JH: HAHAA wtf~~ ... no la... she make little bit of noise only.
DY: Like how.. u make lei.
JH: Like..... *uh ... uh...*....
DY: *heaves..* .... ohh... can do again?
JH: Wht...?
DY: Do la...
JH: Err.... *uh.. uh....* ?
DY: Okay... *pauses* .... then where you cum?
JH: On her head. LOL!
DY: Wtf u damn rude la.
JH: No la.. her stomach there...
DY: She like?
JH: She never say anything. ..... lol then I rub rub it all over her stomach.
DY: ...mm... sexy....
JH: Lol really ar...
DY: mm.... ya... I can imagine you.
JH: Shaddap. Ok la I go already. U coming anot?
DY: *heaves again*.... no la.. dun think so.
JH: Wtf go lei...
DY: Dun wan la.. partying is not my thing. Sorry hor.
JH: Aiya ok la ok la....
DY: mmm........
*pause*
JH: Btw wht u doing now.
.
DY: .......masturbating....
JH: CHAO CHIN CHAO!!!!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
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There was this time an old friend of mine whom ive not heard from in ages asked me.
“Eh.... if Aik and Henry were in the middle of a storm in the middle of the ocean, who would you swim to?”
Nabei..... I playing CS he come ask me stupid question.
“who ar...?”
I think a bit.
“Aik lor.”
Then I continue play game.
But he sighed and shook his head. Wtf?
“I cant believe you.”, he say.
Wtf now I do what...........~~~~~~~~~~~~
I ask him what then he come lecture me, the pcb kia.
He say somehting like, “I cant believe you actually choose amongst your friends. It’s such a shame. Im so disappointed in you. It’s a bad thing to treat ur friend unequally you know.”
NAAAABBEEEEIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!
If there is one thing that pisses me off is when someone criticizes the way I do things.
Ok la I know that is like... so anti social la budden then.. I give and take. :)
But this wan I cannot give and take. Its like.... who the fuck are you to criticize my values of friends and family?!! And for one that is soOOoooo ....... never use brain wan?!
I slam my mouse and scold the fucker.
“EH YOU DUNNO HEAD OR TAIL CAN KEEP YOUR BLOODY MOUTH SHUT ANOT?!!?
I SWIM TO AIK BECAUSE HE CANNOT SWIM, OKAY! HENRY IS STRONG AND HE CAN SWIM SO YOU KPKB WHAT SHIT?!”
Sometimes I listen to these so-called “values” and I just..... .... I pity those who think that way la. How the cb can u just apply that “one size fits all” simi lan jiao idea?!?!?! What... your friends all come from same factory ar?
Amongst those I find irritating is that stupid mentaility some of the girls we know have.
U noe which one anot?
The fucking irritating wan after they break up with their boyfriends.
The, “All men are liars. All men are two timers. All men are heartless. I will now be lesbian.”
SEE!!!!! I KNOW YOU NODDiNG YOUR HEAD!
Its like.. pls ar....its like as if you either get A... or B..... there is no aB or Ab. White or black. No grey. Noe wht I mean anot?
These kind of goldfish brain ppl only think of “one correct so the other wan wrong.”. This is stupid. Its like u compare Jay Chou with Lee Hom. Some will say JAY CHOU THE BEST IN EVERYTHING LOR! LEE HOM IS SUX. (the grammatically correct way to say the last sentence is, "Lee Hom sux." There is no need for "is". Thank you.)
But they dun see that u can cut cut everything smaller. Because to comparing Jay chou and Lee hom alone is very generic. Very big. You can compare between Jay chou’s music videos and lee hom’s music video rite? I must be honest and say that Jay Chou’s new musci video... the one where he wearing blue... that video sux so much. Lee Hom’s video is nicer. (and we all know im a Jay chou fan.)
So what im saying is that... there is both good and bad for both ppl. Just like in relationship. U think u girl u always correct ar? Always think of ur needs. Ur boyfriend neh?!!??!!? GUYS ALSO GOT PROBLEMS OKAY. THINK WE BLOODY SLAVE AR SUCK OWN LAMPA TO ENTERTAIN YOU?! We don’t have all the time to please you. You msut be following the, "I got chee bai so everyone must come serve me so i can give them the key to touch it."
But granted... sometimes we guys very xia lan dun care about you cos got new PC game to play.
So what I think is that... so maybe ur partner is not ur dream wan. Dun have that jaw line. Dun no how to tell jokes. But I say its not really big problem if at end of day u two can still pei each other go buy chicken rice in the middle of the night. Know what i saying?
Someitmes u win. Sometimes u lose.
Can dun be so selfish think that everything is about you?
Another wan is the, “eeu and I will stay forever! Our love is eternal. Nothing can tear our love apart. I lurbbee euu shoooo much! I will die for you.”
WTF LA YOU THINK YOU LIVE IN DISNEYLAND!?!
Even disneyland not so bo liao like that lor.
Personally I dun believe in all these eternal eternal rubbish. Friend and friend. Brother and brother. Boy and girl. Love and love. One day will eventually dissolve and disappear. It may be tomorrow.. it may be six years after the other person dies. But one day confirm the connection will be broken. The feeling gone. One party will forget and move on with their lives. But it all depends on how much a person wants to keep a relationship la I guess. It will last as long as it will la.
And these are the other few irriating nicks I have in my MSN that is just another sad reflection of negative, distorted values some of us have.
Someitmes I wonder what’s wrong with our education system. I study in lodge I never NEVER NEVERR NEVVEERRRRR felt that life is just...... like that. (ok la.. bluff you. Sometimes only.)
Ok la that is cliched but really ar..... there must be sth wrong with the education system somewhere. Education is supposed to make us tink positively and broadly and be happy fun person. Not so narrow thinking like horse.
Maybe this is why got so many murder case? gang fight case? run away from home case? YOu all go the police website. I heard the crime rates are rising. You all better wash ur hands and pray for ur backside.
And wahliew.... the quality of our jokes today.... haiz... damn sad. (some cant even tell joke.)
Of course.... I try to tolerate la.. cause I admit I someitmes liddat especially during sec school. But now i think i ok. Lucky for me that some of these ppl grow out of these thinkings and those who dun... well.... somehow... we lose contact. Hee hee.
Btw..... I ended my relationship with the fucker above there a few months ago because he pang seh everyone for his lan jiao ex-girlfriend (girlfriend dump him for nerd guy in the end. Muahahaah I bet he damn pai seh). See what happen now la. ALONE and all his old kaki leave him. Now i heard he suffering liek mad, socially, cos actually.... he dunno how to socialise. With this kind of fucking mentality... how can?!
So I tell him...
“you can keep ur fucking values because im better off with mine.”.
pWnedz!
NOTICE: Mein Bereich encountered some whacky problem. THat's why it was unavailable for quite some time. Rest assured I'm sill here.
Yesterday’s New paper was on a certain theme.
“Singaporeans bo hua in bed”.
And u noe who take the blame?
SINGAPOREAN MEN.
Like... simi lan jiao understand!
The “queens of singapore” claim that singaporean men dunno how to please them. Dunno anything sweet. Dunno this dunno that. Dunno what is romantic.
Then some will emphasize that the ang moh men better. This onebetter. That onebetter.
So I say..... YOU LIKE ANG MOH PPL GO MIGRATE LA KNN!!!
I bet you ar a lot of this stupid queens so ugly and proud and confirm sure cannot get ang moh....... if they get also is the rejects... like fat ones. No hunks.
Singaporean men are good in bed okay!
Just ask me. I will show u. I wil tell u my fuck-ventures. muahaha.
Otherwise u might wan to ask hasrul. He so good in bed (touching lan lan and changing pampers) that old men like to scold him. He likes it rough, remember?
And he play dress up as nurse.
So anyways the stupid queens of Singapore only wan the 5Cs.
Which is what?
Condo... car.. credit card.... uh.... sth ...... and another sth.
Which is obviously a reflection of their super damn shallow mindset la.
So romantic = money?
NO!
Romantic is about seeing ur loved one happy happy while u over here in the mud, naked and bleeding?
NO!
Romantic is about~~~~>.......................................................
Being able to transport the two of you (three... if you are a two-timer) into a happy/loving separate, private world from eveyone else.
Correct anot?
We all love to escape reality. Away from world, problem.
aa.. this is romantic.
Agreed?
See..... I can see donald nodding his head. Cos he do this a lot with clara.... until it becomes a fairytale. LOL.
So anyways I damn doo lan with this stupid 5C mentality of act chio bo chio/ materialistic / angmoh-only / “singapore sux”/ I pretty so everyone sux/ bimbotic girls.
(which... seriously ar... I think many girls and women belong to in singapore. Especially those in media or business.)
So Aik henry and jason and I were talkin abt this lan jiao issue.
Singaporean men really dunno how to have sex meh?
The new paper columnist wrote 4 reasons why s’porean men cannot have sex. And all four is total nonsense and is actually just a bloody joke.
So we come out with our own 5Cs and prove that we are all actually very eligible. Very suave. Very most wanted. Confirm to get all those bimbo to bow at our feet.
And now I present our 5Cs.
C1
COMPUTER
Seriously ar. Who of you dn have computer? ..... WHAT?!?! YOU DUN HAVE!?!??!! Then wtf sia... how u live, man!!!! Go cyber café to do homework ar? HAHAHAH!!!!
If u like that then sorry... u lose one C. Thanks for playing. Bye bye.
C2
CARD.
Credit card? EZ Link card? Bus card? IC card? So what? what’s the difference? ALL GOT MONEY INSIDE WHAT?!?!?!?!
If you think credit card is something so big then I will come find you up in your tortoise mountain and stuff u in the longkang. U noe why? cos firstly ar... u ned to be of certain age to have credit card. Correct anot? You girl are only 17 u already wan to complain ur 16-year-old boyfriend no credit card. USE YOUR BLAIN can?! Then some may say that “but need to have a certain salary de maahhhzzzzz..”
I say, “So?!?!?!”
U noe are a lot of ppl say they aim to be millionaire. Joyce and Thena and I talk about this and we concluded that this is a very cheap dream.
SERIOUS!
U go calculate la how much your parents have been spending on u since u were born. Now count their car and the house and the angpow money.
See it now?
So now we must change mindset to become BILLIONAIRE!
C3
CONDOM
Duh! I know the teenage trend now is to go drive without seat belt but ..... that is just wrong.
And all you queen of Singapore dun think we men dunno ok! Some of u are just unfuckable because u are to FREAKING UGLY and u CANNOT KEEP UR MOUTH SHUT even in bed! But that’s just a few things.... we also know u all love to fill up your lao kang so u probably have STD... which makes C3 legitimate.
(but for same is DESPERATE to fill up their hole. I find that so sad.)
Pls ar... lets be fair here.
I know some of u guys will come and complain and say that with condom its “bo feeling bo shiok”.
BUT PREASE! THINK OF UNFoRTUNATE PPL!
I wear condom also no difference, can! With or without still bo feelin ok! Why? well that leads me to.....
C4
CUT.
Cut? Simi is cut?
Cut is when u lose 80 percent of your sex feeling when u slice away ur “sweater” too early in ur life.
Like for me.... 5 days. WTF LA!!!!! DIAOZ!
They say getting cut is hygienic. True. But only for some. Because some of we guys got this problem with our little brother. And that is he like to produce cheese.
ERXIN!
Doctors call this smegma. Like u noe.... magma which come from volcano. While volcano spit out magma.... you dirty little fella spit out cheese. 0.0
But then again smegma is evrybody have. Just that some produce too much. And start to stink up the room.
So then again.... getting cut is legitimate also. If u have this.. u get big big plus. Because u can last longer in bed... and look more cute sometimes. U dun have... its ok.... cos if not cut also I think is ok... I see my friend wan all look the same as mine lei. But I sibeh damn jealous cos they feel more than me! AARR!!!!
C5
And now we come to the last C..
This is the ultimate.
If you have this.... you damn eligible. You damn handsome. You damn hunky.
All girl will come for you.
And the last C is......
COCK!
These fan jian queens of Singapore ar... u have cock... all sure come. Nvm u short, long.. inverted, red, black, pink or blue... its ok. Anything to help them open their water bottle. Correct?
I know... cos a lot of girls last tim ewhen I still young... still muscle muscle.. girl always come ask me help them open water bottle. But actually now I think again ar.... wah liew.... wasted chance... I thought they really asking me open their Ice Mountain. A lot of them are now fucking CHIO !!!
So those are the 5Cs Aik, Henry, Jason and I were talkin abt. If you have ALL of those 5Cs... then I should say you will most wanted. All the bimbos of Singapore will come after you!
I have a message I would like to relay to all these Singaporean women.....
Come.... I read to you....
WAKE UP YOUR IDEA, CAN?!
Let’s see what happens to YOU when you cant find a man cos u’re just too high up in the clouds.
To some s’porean men out there. STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR CB COMPUTER AND LIVING IN YOUR OFFICE LA!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU, CAN U GET A LIFE?!
Posted by
Audi
Labels:
I did it for the lulz
Posted by
Audi
Labels:
I did it for the lulz
Thursday, March 02, 2006
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Posted by
Audi
Labels:
I did it for the lulz
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
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I got up. Went to school. For five minutes. Took the train back to Yishun. Ate at Burger King. Played an hour of CS. Sat down infront of Funland, drawing cartoon in my notebook (yes! With a real pen and paper!). Walked to Esso to get the Straits Times. Read through most ads under the classifieds for work. Walked back home but not after playing hide and seek with a stray cat (yes I am that.... childish.) and then here I am.
And it’s only 1pm.
See what happens when all your friends have exams, are working part time and some simply start living their lives after 4pm?
Or you’re just a bum who finds enjoyment in enlarging people’s heads.
Like how i did to someone we all know.
I TOLD her not to run...... :(
---
I learnt from Storytelling class that a good story is one that has a conflict (duh), which means it has a plot, which then means it NEEDS to have a twist, and then this little bitty bit called anagnorisis and that is basically how the main characters fails because of his lack of knowledge (like, not knowing his brother was gay). And of course, resolution (straight brother has one night stand with gay brother.)
I’ve heard people complaining of “WHY DO THE GOOD GUYS KEEP WINNING!??!!?!”
Ya I know.. the bad guys ALWAYS look so cool.
Welll.. surprise!
The answer is mostly because of film censorship. Its just morally unethical for little satan to win over huge almighty God. Even if they want to die die end it that the demented hairy ass freak baddie wins over the smooth shaven err..... brad pitt (?... oh pls la.. he’s so last last year...and he HAS a hairy ass.) .. then they’d have to resort to the classic black – screen – with – little – little – words. Ever seen those, “twenty years later... Bob falls into a comma and rolls off the mountain.”
Then it continues, “He was never seen again.”
Yup? Yeah... I learnt that filmmakers simply CANNOT SHOW the good guy losing. So they have to tell the story either by words or... err... audioly? You know.. audio – ly. ?
So anyways I have two months ahead of me of complete nothingness.
And that irritates me. I NEED to learn something! I NEED a conflict! I need a freaking anagnorisis!
From the looks of it now I think if my two months were to be made into a film..... it’ll be the BIGGEST EVER BOX OFFICE flop.
NO! I cannot!
So I registered for my highway code.
Muahahaha..... that Corolla Altis is mine!
---------
Actually im pretty busy at the moment. Ive got a wife to run... a company to take care of... and two children to breed.
Sly’s video is currently up on my video editing list. Im planning to get it all done and polished by end of this week to pass it to him.
Then there’s my experimental film entitled, “Peng You” which was inspired by Royston Tan’s Mother. As in... Royston Tan made a film called, “Mother”. It’s a short film.. abt 5 minutes long... and I was already crying at the transition of one and two minutes, which effectively makes it one and a half minutes! It was an entirely narrated film with flashes of images of families in old singapore hving fun together.
Ok wait.. I cant tell you all about it. itll spoil the surprise of mine. But basicaly the story for Mother was about a son relating his deep, hurtful feelings towards his mother.
Tearjerkers, I say.
and i so prefer Royston Tan over Eric Khoo. Reason is because Royston is more human.
Anyways after that’s done... I think I wanna try producing an anime short.
Like u noe.. anime? Hentai, anyone? Yup. Green dicks and purple breasts. 0.0
Who the hell comes out with the colour schemes!?! It’s sick!
---------------
I find that im the only male blogger within my small blemish – on – a – backside society who updates regularly. I feel so... gay.
Like wtf..... ? Is blogging a girl thing? Is blogging NOT cool?
No no.. I’M cool! I am!!!
And then news came yesterday night that Clara is closing her blog. That is so such a wrong move
*does the roll eye/waving “stop” hand signal, bimbo style*
No Donbei = No Mein Bereich = No news from either one of us = We both die.
But I hope she brings it back again. Last night she sent me some....
*looks at clara*.... uh.... suggestive pictures. ...... I mean..... pictures for me to suggest on..... (cos its for her blog header).
*looks at clara. brows lower this time*
0.0 ..... so many blogs are starting to close now. Xialanxue is dead. Cheeky is dead. Michelle Malkin is getting eff-ed upside down left right centre for her comments. Girl Issues (North View Sec’s ONLY entertainment blog. And the entertainment factor isnt what I would expect from North View kids. Very well done.) is also dead since their server, Diary-X, crashed. (DONT YOU DARE, BLOGGER!)
Sheryl’s on a mini-hiatus since she has exams. I’m feeling so lonely, and without a camera.
Well at least kennysia.com is updating regularly. That guy’s so cute AND entertaining. AND he has a camera! A Sony T9 which costs a mahde-fah-king SGD$800 dollars! I checked! ..... at Sim Lim.
It’s people like him that makes me wanna go back to Kuching.
-------
The other day I was talkin to bird bird.
Uh... Beth... Elizabeth.. Queen of the Nether Regions. (pi gu...)
One question.
Just a simple one.
A VERY simple one.
Did that question really asked for a lot?
Okay... girls and puberty.
I get it now.
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