I've received quite an unexpected response to "Jayden 21". I'd like to thank all who watched it (whether or not you liked it...) and it's given me quite a much needed push to experiment more with film.
Granted, it's NOT the best shot or best colored or best edited or best visual effects (I think it was overdone) but there seems to be something right going on in there. I have a feeling it's got something to do with why I was a fail-person in Poly. There were 'rules' to follow that were supposedly 'right' and most of the time should guarantee a kick-ass product. Yes, that's what I said. Product.
This time round I did this video with nothing but the feeling I had after reading this blog post and the comment I left after. I had more to say that I couldn't put in words. One thing led to another, and there I was splicing clips together.
I didn't make this for fame, awards, money, or pseudo-anti-authority. I did this because I had a message to say. And that, I think, is where every creative person's work should stem from.
But enough of that. My still camera sits still in a corner now but the pen is still moving. I'm having a few ideas popping out every now and then. Even the rock and roll tracks have been on hold lately giving way, instead, to piano music. In fact, you can listen to my current playlist here.
But such is the volatility of the mind, and the cruel nature of luck. I have been in a depressed state since an incident that happened a while ago. I'm all smiles in camp but it's been difficult to focus on work and I find myself sleeping my feelings off in camp. I skipped meals and did silly things like swallow half a bag of sugar powder (was for some doughnuts) and cable-tied an orange and threw it down the hill. Once, I even found myself wandering around camp in sandals on my way to the Medical Centre. But I stopped to walk on top of the hill and look across the sky.
I guess it's that feeling where you want nobody around you... but when you close your eyes you want somebody to be there with you. That makes no fucking sense, I know.
The recent approval on the video has somewhat lifted this feeling off my chest. There wasn't a dense blue mist anymore. The sun was brighter and the air was light. But a big part of me is scrambling up to pull back that feeling of dread. I guess when you spend so much time in hell, you start loving it. Isn't that why some ex-prisoners commit crimes just to get back in?
There's comfort I find drowning in this ocean. When the numbness sets in and your ears deafened by the thudding of your heart, you release the few bubbles of life and you see them float to the twinkling sun. It's that moment of inner peace and tranquility. If only I could live in that moment forever, with death a beat away.
I'm feeling better now, but I don't think I'm quite happy with that. I can't hold my pen much longer.
Granted, it's NOT the best shot or best colored or best edited or best visual effects (I think it was overdone) but there seems to be something right going on in there. I have a feeling it's got something to do with why I was a fail-person in Poly. There were 'rules' to follow that were supposedly 'right' and most of the time should guarantee a kick-ass product. Yes, that's what I said. Product.
This time round I did this video with nothing but the feeling I had after reading this blog post and the comment I left after. I had more to say that I couldn't put in words. One thing led to another, and there I was splicing clips together.
I didn't make this for fame, awards, money, or pseudo-anti-authority. I did this because I had a message to say. And that, I think, is where every creative person's work should stem from.
Sunset at Sembawang.
But enough of that. My still camera sits still in a corner now but the pen is still moving. I'm having a few ideas popping out every now and then. Even the rock and roll tracks have been on hold lately giving way, instead, to piano music. In fact, you can listen to my current playlist here.
But such is the volatility of the mind, and the cruel nature of luck. I have been in a depressed state since an incident that happened a while ago. I'm all smiles in camp but it's been difficult to focus on work and I find myself sleeping my feelings off in camp. I skipped meals and did silly things like swallow half a bag of sugar powder (was for some doughnuts) and cable-tied an orange and threw it down the hill. Once, I even found myself wandering around camp in sandals on my way to the Medical Centre. But I stopped to walk on top of the hill and look across the sky.
I guess it's that feeling where you want nobody around you... but when you close your eyes you want somebody to be there with you. That makes no fucking sense, I know.
The recent approval on the video has somewhat lifted this feeling off my chest. There wasn't a dense blue mist anymore. The sun was brighter and the air was light. But a big part of me is scrambling up to pull back that feeling of dread. I guess when you spend so much time in hell, you start loving it. Isn't that why some ex-prisoners commit crimes just to get back in?
There's comfort I find drowning in this ocean. When the numbness sets in and your ears deafened by the thudding of your heart, you release the few bubbles of life and you see them float to the twinkling sun. It's that moment of inner peace and tranquility. If only I could live in that moment forever, with death a beat away.
I'm feeling better now, but I don't think I'm quite happy with that. I can't hold my pen much longer.
Posted by
Audi
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My Life
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National Service
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Reflections
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