I look forward to every weekend. Usually, it means that I could meet up with the Yankee guys again and we can, in Justin's words, 'chill'. I didn't do that this time. I've come to accept the big bold fact that we don't actually need to see each other every week. Joey and Nick have girlfriends whereas Justin prefers staying within the comfort of his own home, and I enjoy that too at my own home. My fingers are still itching to make that call every weekend.
Friday night, I went out with Joey to Yishun Dam. He parked the car, we got out, and I had my camera with me. My plan that night was to take pictures and experiment. I snapped away, occasionally demonstrating to Joey framing and exposures. Basic stuff, and it was more of filler conversation. I noticed he had a lot on his mind this time round and I sat aside my camera to ask, "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing.. just shagged."
"Really. Why then?"
He opened up from then on and I put away my camera for good. He went into a deep monologue of however he's been feeling so far, and he grinned when he imagined the prospects of him getting into the Armored Recce course. I then asked, "What are you planning to do every weekend?"
The conversation got deeper and he spoke of his life plans that stretched on to the amazing age of 45, and then 80. Inspired by Obama, and now further inspired by Joey's very mature thinking, I gave much thought in what I wanted to do now. He seemed to have everything planned. And not just that, he's actively pursuing it. Just last weekend he was up in the air over Seletar in a prop plane, gazing down over Bukit Timah then finally making a turn back at the Causeway and back to Seletar. He noted,"Singapore... is fucking fucking fucking small." If his dreams of becoming a pilot failed, he had something substantial to back it up with. And it's all been thought out in detail.
The police came by after a while to set up roadblocks so we made our way home. In the car, I expressed my disappointment at my immature mentality. I am twenty now, and people around my age are appearing on the news whether they broke a new barrier, murdered someone, or died in an accident.
I am twenty-years-old, and I am no longer young.
Looking back at the past year, I've been a cameraman, a scriptwriter, an actor, a stuntman, a pyrotechnics assistant, a special effects make-up artist and now, a photographer trying to break in to graphic design and getting involved in politics.
"Have you any idea how fucking messy this is? There's no focus! I'm not concentrating!", I yelled in the car.
Joey then said,"See, that's the thing. What you don't realize is that your industry is huge... and there's no way you'll run out of options to excel in a certain trade."
Maybe he's right. "And what about my father? I told him once in the car during an argument,'You'll never consider me having a career unless I'm wearing suit and sitting in an office.' " Joey paused and replied, "You know, I think that shouldn't be something you should worry about. Ultimately it's about whether or not you can bring back something for the family. I can drive this damn car and wear a suit but that doesn't make me a somebody."
The conversation ended for a while as we sped down the Yishun roads. I opened my mouth again,"I wished I had a girlfriend." I paused and stared blankly at the road in front of me. "It's less about lust or anything... it's more like companionship."
Joey laughed and jokingly mocked me. It was all in good fun and I didn't take offense.
"But... you know... one of my lousiest traits is treating a woman unkindly. I don't know how to treat women."
As we turned into my carpark, Joey off-handedly remarked,"Well, maybe you should start treating your sister right. And then, finally, your mom." He was right... and I didn't see any grounds for me to defend myself on that remark.
If there's one thing I've learned from BMT, is that I cannot take this selfish mindset too far. People are people, and people depend on people. Whatever I feel, others can feel it too. During BMT I've been accused of being a separatist and practiced double-standards. I admit to that, and my argument then was I was protecting the interests of the people I felt closer to. I ask myself now, why didn't I expand the people I felt important to include my entire platoon? And that's the keyword - Platoon. We were a platoon.
It's one of my biggest regrets from BMT and I keep myself in check now whenever I start giving someone the eye.
Joey was right, and the first step to solving this is to make peace with the family first.
Friday night, I went out with Joey to Yishun Dam. He parked the car, we got out, and I had my camera with me. My plan that night was to take pictures and experiment. I snapped away, occasionally demonstrating to Joey framing and exposures. Basic stuff, and it was more of filler conversation. I noticed he had a lot on his mind this time round and I sat aside my camera to ask, "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing.. just shagged."
"Really. Why then?"
He opened up from then on and I put away my camera for good. He went into a deep monologue of however he's been feeling so far, and he grinned when he imagined the prospects of him getting into the Armored Recce course. I then asked, "What are you planning to do every weekend?"
The conversation got deeper and he spoke of his life plans that stretched on to the amazing age of 45, and then 80. Inspired by Obama, and now further inspired by Joey's very mature thinking, I gave much thought in what I wanted to do now. He seemed to have everything planned. And not just that, he's actively pursuing it. Just last weekend he was up in the air over Seletar in a prop plane, gazing down over Bukit Timah then finally making a turn back at the Causeway and back to Seletar. He noted,"Singapore... is fucking fucking fucking small." If his dreams of becoming a pilot failed, he had something substantial to back it up with. And it's all been thought out in detail.
The police came by after a while to set up roadblocks so we made our way home. In the car, I expressed my disappointment at my immature mentality. I am twenty now, and people around my age are appearing on the news whether they broke a new barrier, murdered someone, or died in an accident.
I am twenty-years-old, and I am no longer young.
Looking back at the past year, I've been a cameraman, a scriptwriter, an actor, a stuntman, a pyrotechnics assistant, a special effects make-up artist and now, a photographer trying to break in to graphic design and getting involved in politics.
"Have you any idea how fucking messy this is? There's no focus! I'm not concentrating!", I yelled in the car.
Joey then said,"See, that's the thing. What you don't realize is that your industry is huge... and there's no way you'll run out of options to excel in a certain trade."
Maybe he's right. "And what about my father? I told him once in the car during an argument,'You'll never consider me having a career unless I'm wearing suit and sitting in an office.' " Joey paused and replied, "You know, I think that shouldn't be something you should worry about. Ultimately it's about whether or not you can bring back something for the family. I can drive this damn car and wear a suit but that doesn't make me a somebody."
The conversation ended for a while as we sped down the Yishun roads. I opened my mouth again,"I wished I had a girlfriend." I paused and stared blankly at the road in front of me. "It's less about lust or anything... it's more like companionship."
Joey laughed and jokingly mocked me. It was all in good fun and I didn't take offense.
"But... you know... one of my lousiest traits is treating a woman unkindly. I don't know how to treat women."
As we turned into my carpark, Joey off-handedly remarked,"Well, maybe you should start treating your sister right. And then, finally, your mom." He was right... and I didn't see any grounds for me to defend myself on that remark.
If there's one thing I've learned from BMT, is that I cannot take this selfish mindset too far. People are people, and people depend on people. Whatever I feel, others can feel it too. During BMT I've been accused of being a separatist and practiced double-standards. I admit to that, and my argument then was I was protecting the interests of the people I felt closer to. I ask myself now, why didn't I expand the people I felt important to include my entire platoon? And that's the keyword - Platoon. We were a platoon.
It's one of my biggest regrets from BMT and I keep myself in check now whenever I start giving someone the eye.
Joey was right, and the first step to solving this is to make peace with the family first.
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