That's it. I admit it. I hate this festive season.
There's never been a time of the year that stretches my patience so thin that it'll collapse at any moment.
I don't know why I don't like it. Maybe it's the thing about reaching home and being greeted not by the sweet sound of silence.. or normality... but the irritating shuffling of feet and furniture as my parents (or, mom, more specifically) scramble to tidy the house because some aunt I don't even remember is coming.
Then again, that's the thing about me, I have been so detached with my relatives that they become strangers. I don't see it as a problem, really, more like I led my life to a course way off their predictable racial maps. It's difficult to click anymore with my cousins.
I never liked dressing up at this time of the month. I have always found the material very uncomfortable, gawdy and downright ugly. I could never seem to fit into one of those outfits without feeling awkward. My father is the kind who believes in racial supremacy and he likes to mention how smart we all look in these outfits and that we should be proud to uphold our culture. I compare him to a stereotypical bible thumper from the Southern States of America. Yes, it's that bad. It's one of the reasons why I don't like talking to him.
Quite frankly, I love wearing my jeans, my converse shoes and a tight black T-shirt along with some funky belt. Now, I don't see why that would mean I'm "disrespecting" the elders cause I'm not wearing traditional *costumes*. Then, why not let me wear a suit? A lot of people are wearing them now. Oh, because it's too "Christian-y". Wow... I could suffocate in this blanket of ignorance.
Visiting my relatives is another thing. I don't remember how we're related, who the hell did they marry and when the fuck did they have so many babies? I try to tolerate the little brats running around... they're kids... and settle on watching the TV. The recent economic crisis was something I wanted to catch up on, included other world news that I missed while I was in camp. Time is of the essence. Just as the news on 5 came on my dad comes over and changes it to some variety show on the malay channel. I gave him a stink eye but I can't do much because for some reason, everyone wants to watch that damn show that's been on repeat a million times over, every fucking year. Buy the fucking DVD, damn you!
I finally was able to catch the news on Channel News Asia, not forgetting the usual stuffy environment caused by small houses with an unbelievable amount of laced curtains and frilly textiles covering every single window. Of course, I had to sit near the TV just to hear anything since behind me everyone was talking about this and that person and how great he is to "triumph" over "the Chinese".
I was asked a few times about NS and I told them I was in SISPEC. It was the usual filler conversation but one comment striked me hard. An old man of mine asked,"So after this course you'll be a sergeant?". Yes. "Good. You must get it. So that we have more malays being sergeants and not always the Chinese."
I felt like throwing plates. My thought process worked on overdrive. I wanted to tell him off on a variety of different topics. I felt like pointing him towards Malaysia. I wanted to take a person of these two races, compare them, and show him who puts in more work. I simply do not understand this whole racial thing. It's like the black-and-white thing in the US. If white men win, they are discriminating. If blacks win, it's fair. Then comes around this whole "Affirmative Action" thing.
Why can't people see that when a bomb explodes over our heads, no one will be able to tell the difference between who was brown, who was yellow, who was a Muslim, and who was a Chrisitian from all that gooey pink mess?
The amount of ignorance I face every time during this festive season has fuelled my hatred for anything to do with it. I did try to speak to someone about it - my dad, and it has always failed. I figured being raised in a time where being uncircumcised got you the stink eye is resistant to any kind of change of today's more broad-minded and westernised world. I enjoy the company of my friends - a big majority of them are those they call "uncouth". I enjoy today's world and believe in the phrase, "that all men are created equal & independent" by Thomas Jefferson in the DoI.
How I wish if the next person who asks me why I'm an atheist or "have been led astray" that I could just point out to the people in my home, the way the people of this race think, the way they contradict themselves and the way the parade themselves around. I don't need a crutch. I don't need to "follow the masses" nor do i need to be unique. I just don't want to be fed prejudice and discrimination from the get-go.
I don't want my son to end up like that.
There's never been a time of the year that stretches my patience so thin that it'll collapse at any moment.
I don't know why I don't like it. Maybe it's the thing about reaching home and being greeted not by the sweet sound of silence.. or normality... but the irritating shuffling of feet and furniture as my parents (or, mom, more specifically) scramble to tidy the house because some aunt I don't even remember is coming.
Then again, that's the thing about me, I have been so detached with my relatives that they become strangers. I don't see it as a problem, really, more like I led my life to a course way off their predictable racial maps. It's difficult to click anymore with my cousins.
I never liked dressing up at this time of the month. I have always found the material very uncomfortable, gawdy and downright ugly. I could never seem to fit into one of those outfits without feeling awkward. My father is the kind who believes in racial supremacy and he likes to mention how smart we all look in these outfits and that we should be proud to uphold our culture. I compare him to a stereotypical bible thumper from the Southern States of America. Yes, it's that bad. It's one of the reasons why I don't like talking to him.
Quite frankly, I love wearing my jeans, my converse shoes and a tight black T-shirt along with some funky belt. Now, I don't see why that would mean I'm "disrespecting" the elders cause I'm not wearing traditional *costumes*. Then, why not let me wear a suit? A lot of people are wearing them now. Oh, because it's too "Christian-y". Wow... I could suffocate in this blanket of ignorance.
Visiting my relatives is another thing. I don't remember how we're related, who the hell did they marry and when the fuck did they have so many babies? I try to tolerate the little brats running around... they're kids... and settle on watching the TV. The recent economic crisis was something I wanted to catch up on, included other world news that I missed while I was in camp. Time is of the essence. Just as the news on 5 came on my dad comes over and changes it to some variety show on the malay channel. I gave him a stink eye but I can't do much because for some reason, everyone wants to watch that damn show that's been on repeat a million times over, every fucking year. Buy the fucking DVD, damn you!
I finally was able to catch the news on Channel News Asia, not forgetting the usual stuffy environment caused by small houses with an unbelievable amount of laced curtains and frilly textiles covering every single window. Of course, I had to sit near the TV just to hear anything since behind me everyone was talking about this and that person and how great he is to "triumph" over "the Chinese".
I was asked a few times about NS and I told them I was in SISPEC. It was the usual filler conversation but one comment striked me hard. An old man of mine asked,"So after this course you'll be a sergeant?". Yes. "Good. You must get it. So that we have more malays being sergeants and not always the Chinese."
I felt like throwing plates. My thought process worked on overdrive. I wanted to tell him off on a variety of different topics. I felt like pointing him towards Malaysia. I wanted to take a person of these two races, compare them, and show him who puts in more work. I simply do not understand this whole racial thing. It's like the black-and-white thing in the US. If white men win, they are discriminating. If blacks win, it's fair. Then comes around this whole "Affirmative Action" thing.
Why can't people see that when a bomb explodes over our heads, no one will be able to tell the difference between who was brown, who was yellow, who was a Muslim, and who was a Chrisitian from all that gooey pink mess?
The amount of ignorance I face every time during this festive season has fuelled my hatred for anything to do with it. I did try to speak to someone about it - my dad, and it has always failed. I figured being raised in a time where being uncircumcised got you the stink eye is resistant to any kind of change of today's more broad-minded and westernised world. I enjoy the company of my friends - a big majority of them are those they call "uncouth". I enjoy today's world and believe in the phrase, "that all men are created equal & independent" by Thomas Jefferson in the DoI.
How I wish if the next person who asks me why I'm an atheist or "have been led astray" that I could just point out to the people in my home, the way the people of this race think, the way they contradict themselves and the way the parade themselves around. I don't need a crutch. I don't need to "follow the masses" nor do i need to be unique. I just don't want to be fed prejudice and discrimination from the get-go.
I don't want my son to end up like that.
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Audi
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Filmmaking
,
Henry
,
Sincere coffessions
,
Things to come....
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